Charge

Jokes

A store owner leaves his intellectually limited brother in charge while he runs some errands. A store owner leaves his intellectually limited brother in charge while he runs some errands.

A store owner leaves his intellectually limited brother in charge while he runs some errands. A store owner leaves his intellectually limited brother in charge while he runs some errands. Being in a small town he goes unpreoccupied that many cuatomers could show up.
Upon his return, he asks if anyone showed up and his brother, unconcerned, responds: "only one guy with hemorrhoids and i


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RE-RE-RE-REMIX - So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet...

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He looks at the man, deadly serious. “Then I shoot another bullet and don’t charge for that one because


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I went to jail for plugging in my phone

It was a battery charge.

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Why do men get Morning Wood

Because they charge it all night.

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Recently I inherited a mine from my late father...

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What's the difference between an eel and a lawyer?

One's an ugly, slimy, scaly, cold-blooded scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other is a highly qualified professional person who is worth every penny of the surprisingly high hourly fee they charge.

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Recovering Alcoholic: My addiction controlled my life. I'm in charge now. Nobody can bring me down.

Enabler: Hold my beer.

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A woman dies and finds herself at the gates to haven.

When she gets there, she is confused as she saw how many others are standing and sitting outside, cracking eggs, mixing batter, and baking something.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she seems to recognize someone who appears to be in charge. Sh


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A electron orders a drink at the bar. How much? he asks the barman. ...

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How do you tell the difference between Donald Trump and a raging bull

Wave a Mexican flag, the bull will only charge at one side.

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What type of charge would you get if you drove your car while an obnoxious instagramer is on it?

Driving under the influencer.

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What do you call a Mexican prostitute that forgets to charge her tricks?

A frijole (free hoe lay)

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Scientists have recently discovered that a pinnipeds external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

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What's the easiest way to get a mobile phone into a prison?

Charge one with battery.

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Who the hell thought that fee speech was a good idea?

If you're gonna tax me for talking, you might as well charge me for breathing too.

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It seems that some bears are prone to unexpected aggression it's a strange phenomenon that I have been documenting. Why just the other day I had a docile grizzly bear suddenly snap and charge me.

Thankfully I had grabbed her cub right before she went all crazy and we both made it to safety.

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I hear Rabbis perform circumcisions free of charge.

They make up for it by getting to keep the tips.

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A neutron walked into a bar...

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An ion walks into a bar...

A waitress comes over and the ion orders a whiskey. Time passes and people come and go. The ion is now on his fifth drink and is becoming increasingly erratic. The waitress brings over another round, but this time the ion tries to slap her on the ass as she leaves.

That's it for you, hon, she says as she slams down the check.

What, you're going to charge me


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A priest went into a tailor's shop and ordered a new suit.

When he asked how much it cost, the tailor said, "There is no charge. I never charge the clergy." So the next day the priest sent the tailor a beautiful crucifix.

Then a rabbi went into the tailor's shop and ordered a new suit. When he asked how much it cost, the tailor said, "There is no charge. I never charge rabbis." So the next day the rabbi sent the tailo


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A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity.

So I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.

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My phone always want to become the president whenever I forget to charge it overnight

Power hungry bastard

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Two old people are sitting on a park bench.

Old man: “Kids these days will never know what life was like back in our day. They have it way too easy with their fancy technology.”

Old lady: “Exactly.”

Old man: “Their new lingo is hardly understandable and what’s with these stupid websites? Facebook? Garbage. And don’t get me started on Reddit... kids who go on that site are g


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A man with one leg recently got a job working at a brewery.

He was put in charge of the hops.

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Three salesmen stop at a hotel to get a room for the night. The innkeeper says I dont have three rooms all I have is one room with three beds in it. The men talk it over and decide that will be fine. That will be $10 apiece said it in keeper. So each guy gives the innkeeper $10.

Later the innkeeper is going through his books and rings for the bellboy. Here’s five dollars ,take this up to those guys in that room. I charge them too much. The bellboy takes the five dollars and heads up to the room. On his way up he thinks. How am I going to divide five dollars amongst three guys? I know, I’ll give them each back a dollar and keep two dollars for myself. So eac


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A Chinese food place tried to charge me for 1,000kg worth of food

The server told me she thought I had ordered the one tonne soup.

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What do the head of marketing for Metamucil and the head of Infrastructure at ATampT have in common?

Both are in charge of fiber optics.

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I was arrested by a policeman for sitting in the park not doing anything.

The charge was impersonating a politician.

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A mine owner advertised for new workers...

And three Guys turned up — an Irishman, a Italian, and a Japanese. The owner told the Irishman, “You’ll be in charge of the mining.” He tells the Italian, “You’ll be in charge of the lift.” He tells the Japanese, “You’ll be in charge of making sure we have supplies.” The next day the three men went into the mine, and at the end of the day


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A priest gets his hair cut.

He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth." So the next day the grateful priest sends him a dozen roses.

A minister goes to the same barber. He gets his hair cut. He goes to pay the barber who refuses his money. "I cannot charge a man of the cloth." So the next day the grateful minister sends him a dozen roses.


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How did people charge their AirPods before Benjamin Franklin invented electricity?

This isn’t a damn joke, I’m actually asking.

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28736. A guy goes into a lawyers office...

... and asks the lawyer, “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”

The lawyer responds: “I charge AU$1,000 to answer three questions.”

“Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”

“Yes. What’s your third question?”

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Why are male strippers more costly than female strippers?

There’s a sir charge

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I gave all my dead batteries away today...

Free of Charge

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Im not saying I hate you...

...but i would unplug your life support to charge my phone

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I got a domestic violence charge

From my penis

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How do you make the most money from your sheep?

Charge $999 for a monitor stand and put the apple logo on it.

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I've been donating my used batteries to charities for years now...

Free of Charge.

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A jumper I got for my birthday kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one.


Free of charge

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I'm giving away dead batteries

Free of charge!!!

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Why is it called a dictatorship?

Because there's a dick in charge.

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I picked up some free batteries the other day,

Well, there was no charge

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Guy next to me on a flight, "Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?"

"Yes," I said, "but I wasn't willing to pay."

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Some dead batteries got arrested for speeding!!!

Don't worry, their free of charge

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A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

"How much do I owe you?" asks the neutron to the bartender.

"For you sir, there is no charge"

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I recently brought some dead batteries without realising...

I guess, thats why they were free of charge.

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My local electronics store is giving away dead batteries.

They're free of charge.

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Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of direction, Yoda was.

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Luxembourg to become first country to make all public transport free

Neither of the taxis will charge.

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Why did Trump refuse to get off of the toilet?

Because he heard you can't charge a sitting president.

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