Changed

Jokes

Looking Good

Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven’t changed in 20 years."

"Oh," said Mom, horrified. "I hope I didn’t look like this 20 years ago."

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When my wife got pregnant, everything changed.

My name, my address, and my phone number.

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McDonalds was once banned in China

..but once they saw how badly they treated their workforce they changed their minds

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Being ugly changed my expectations of how my girlfriend should be.

Earlier I was looking for a snack, now I would be happy with a vegetable.

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Repost

How many ninjas does it take to change a lightbu-

Oh it changed!

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My life has drastically changed for the better since I started eating more fiber

It really helped me get my shit together.

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A man moved in to a new apartment,

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(Original) Your momma is so fat

...when she went on a trip up into space,

...

the tides changed direction.

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There was a poor homeless who suffered on the streets. One day, he found a copy of The Bible and his whole life changed

Now he has a nice fire to keep him warm and enough paper to wipe his ass

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In 1868, Japan moved its seat of government and the location of its Emperor's home from Kyoto to Tokyo.

It wasn't a big deal. They merely did some rearrangement and changed the capital.

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I changed the name of my john to "Jim..."

So when I tell people I got up early and went to the...goddammit, nevermind.

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It's been a few months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe I need to visit personally and find out what's wrong.

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My teacher told me hed inform me which faculty member was a homosexual if I gave him a kiss in the bathroom...

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I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

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I wanted to have a brain transplant

But I changed my mind

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My friend thinks he's smart.He said that the onions are the only food that can make you cry,so i threw a coconut at him....he then changed is mind

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Its now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

I might consider getting something other then a planet fitness membership

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Its Been 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing bas changed.

Maybe its time I go there personally and find out what's wrong

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Epstein changed his method of pursuing sex.

He's a swinger now.

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It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

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A guy walks into the doctors office...

he says "Doctor, you gotta help me, my dick has turned orange." So the Doctor says "Pull down your pants" The doctor sees the dick and says "Holy shit, your dick is actually orange, have you changed your routine lately, have you done anything strange?" The guy says "No I do what I always do, eat cheetos and masturbate."


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As a kid, I wasn't ever able to do a pull-up. As an adult, that all changed.

Now I can pull up to McDonalds whenever I want.

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I used to always say that size doesnt matter.

But when I learned that my wife had a small penis it changed my mind

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Changed my daughter's last name to Carriage so she can become a teacher.

All the kids will be calling her Ms. Carriage.

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What do politicians and diapers have in common

Both must be changed regularly and for the same reason

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A surgeon is planning on marrying his girlfriend, but her father refuses to allow him to do so.

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A man has been building a submarine for many years

After he is finally finished with it, he shows it to his friends, who start laughing.

"That submarine looks hideous" said the first friend

"Yeah, the interior looks even worse" says the second

The man, still feeling confident in his build, decides that he is going to redecorate the entirety of it, and lighten up the interior


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3 Chinese Immigrants

Lee Bu, Chan Chu and Fred Fu immigrated to the USA. They decided in order to become Americans, they need to Americanize their last names.

Lee Bu changed his last name to Bucks.

Chan Chu changed his last name to Chucks.

Fred Fu left the USA to Canada after becoming the laughing stock of the neighberhood.


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I still remember the very first time I ever saw a Universal Remote control.

I thought to myself, "Wow! This changed everything!"

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When my wife got pregnant everything changed.

My name, my address, my phone number.

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I took a guitar capo and clenched my balls in it to see it could cure my depression...

It really changed my tune!

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I didn't think Neuralink was a good idea...

but Elon changed my mind!

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Conservation of Wildlife should be a law:

"Wildlife cannot be created or destroyed, only changed from one state to another."

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I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.

She smiled at me and and said yes. The look on her face changed however when I walked away with her cardboard box.

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I asked a pretty young homeless woman if I could take her home.

She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

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A PETA member was going to drive himself to a fashion show, but he changed his mind...

...when he found out they would show fur.

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A PETA member was going to take a limo to a fashion show, but then he changed his mind.

He was disgusted when he heard they would chauffeur.

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I wanted to post a joke about Sodium

But then I changed my mind

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I wasn't going to go for a brain transplant

But I changed my mind

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I asked a young pretty homeless woman if i could take her home. She smiled and said yes.

Her face changed however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep, because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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Weightlifting really changed my life, i dropped 50 pounds

Straight on my foot, can barely walk now

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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Why hasn't America changed from lbs to kgs?

Because there would be mass confusion.

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So, a teenage boy was visiting his girlfriends house for the first time since their relationship started a few months back

The dad: ”What is your name and what are your intentions with my daugther?”

Him: ”I’m Mahput McCockinner, and I will love her until she can’t even stand up without a walking frame”

Note: Originally posted as a comment, then as a joke here but changed cuz of unneccessary specifics. (OC by me so no shame).


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A man sees a woman at the end of the bar....

He decides he is going to talk to her, and asks her name. She replies, "I just changed my name to Carmen, after the two things I love most in life, cars and men. What's your name?"

"Funny you should ask," he says, "I just changed my name too."

"To what?" she replied.

"B.J. Titsn'golf."


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Q: How many men politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to change it and another to change it back. Q: How many women politicians does it take to change a light bulb: One and she changed it last week before the two male politicians even noticed it was burned out.

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I went to the doctors wanting a brain transplant

They changed my mind

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Ive had a gym membership for 8 months and my body hasnt changed

I guess I should go there myself and see what’s wrong.

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The m1 Garand was the backbone of American infantry.

It's semiautomatic nature changed every ding.

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