Chance

Jokes

Cremation

My last chance for a smoking hot body

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Fromsoftware missed a great chance to add 2 more bosses in bloodborne

Orphan of Sin and orphan of Tan

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Why did ABBA play monopoly empire?

So that they could take a Chance on ME.

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A guy was picking his nose one day.

As he was picking his nose he pulled out a 14 pound booger.

Sadly, he never got the chance to eat it because his head caved in.

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What's the difference between a virgin and a redditor?

The virgin still has a chance

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50000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes are not stupid" convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disa


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There is more chance of you being struck by lightning while being attacked by a shark while being pregnant and win a lottery than....

You sticking in an USB first try

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Bernie Sanders would have a great chance of becoming President..

If he ran in Venezuela

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Bullying

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The first thing I look for in a woman is intelligence,

because if she doesn't have that, there's a good chance I'll be able to fuck her.

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Okay its gonna be cheesy but hear me out

I just started middle school and the science teacher was talking about rocks and how people always think the stuff is boring so I was going to say "rock are often taken for granite" but I didn't have the chance

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I saw a kid that was being bullied by 3 older boys

They started punching him and I immediately thought "Oh shit, I gotta go help!"
He stood absolutely no chance against the four of us

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What's the difference between a boat and a woman?

There's a chance that a boat will go down on me.

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She blew up her chance of getting pregnant

Because she was riding shotgun

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What's the difference between wedding and lottery?

With lottery at least you have some chance...

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Saw a old lady getting beat up by 3 men on the side of the street today so I decided to step in and help,

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I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

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Why do Hispanics hate winter?

There is a chance of ICE.

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Why do small guys tend to commit crime?

Its their only chance to be at large.

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What is Projared's favorite rap song?

I love my wife by chance the rapper

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I saw an old mad being attacked by 4 men. I jumped in.

He wouldn't stand a chance against 5 people.

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Drive thru.

When I'm in a long line at a drive thru I like to act as if i were in line waiting for the Mamba at Worlds of Fun.
A rollercoaster with 110 foot drops at 75mphs baby.
Lets get excited!!!

I Start off yelling at the car ahead of me, noticing his license plate, I give em a good...

HEY!...
FROM WISCONSIN HUH? Thats cool...
And Ill do my best t


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Controlling probability is the best super power

And I think there's a big chance that you'll agree

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I killed a terrorist with a slingshot.

He had no chance against my AR-15.

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Chance the Rapper sounds like a crow trying to get another crows attention.

“Aah!?”

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What did John Lennon and Yoko Ono say to their son to convince him to eat his vegetables?

All we are saying is give peas a chance

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What did John Lennon and Yoko Ononsay to their son to convince him to eat his vegetables?

All we are saying is give peas a chance

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So I saw three guys beating up a homeless person for stepping on their shoes so I went to go help.

That hobo didn’t stand a chance against us 4.

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The year is 1850 in California...

Miners flock to a river to hopefully get a fraction of the immense wealth that awaits in the rivers. Miners come by the hundreds and claim a spot in the river... At least the lucky ones. Some are a little too late and miss the chance to get a spot and leave, except one.

For a week, a miner who missed the chance for a spot sat in his wagon and watched the other miners work.


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A blonde is participating in a gameshow

The host asks the blonde what 2+2 is.

"3" yells the blonde.

"I'm afraid that's the wrong answer" replies the host.

The whole crowd yells in unison: "give her another chance, give her another chance!"

The host says: "ok I'll give you another try: what's 2+2?"

The blonde this


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The Difference

Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife.

A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

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A guy calls suicide hotline

And he starts wailing to the operator:

“Please, this suicide hotline is the only chance I have! My wife and kids are leaving me, I’m getting evicted, I lost my job and I’m 2000$ in debt...”

Operator: “Sir, you lost your chance, this is Burger King...”

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So I was invited to a cock fight just recently

And my opponent was a damn chicken. Motherfucker didn't stand a chance

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Counterstrike is actually the most progressive game

Because the terrorists stand a chance of winning

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I witnessed an old man get jumped by 2 guys today so I decided to step in and help

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

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A friend lent me his movie collection...

I thought of watching Yesterday today, then 28 Days Later. Then I could watch The Day After Tomorrow, though that might be better tomorrow. I'd like to finish before sunrise. I haven't finished Before Sunrise, and I haven't seen Me Before You before, but I think I won't watch it; I'll watch It instead.

So I think I'll watch The Day After Tomorrow tomorro


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I gave dad one last chance to name a UK band that was popular in the 2000's

but he Blue it.

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For as much as people say they wanna die...

...doesn’t Trump give you the best chance of that happening?

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Predicting the weather

A local news station is is starting its broadcast for the daily weather and they start talking about rain for the day. The meteorologist starts in "We are looking at about a 60% chance of rain for the day mostly cloudy." In the back of the station someone chirps up "Hey it's raining right now!" The meteorologist looks back into the camera and says "Looks like ther


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Some people with no idea what they're talking about have told me that I can't get a date because I'm worthless garbage.

They forgot that garbage at least has a chance to get dumped.

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I saw a guy getting beat up by 4 thugs today so i decided to help

The guy did not stand a chance against the 5 of us

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They say there is a 5050 chance the person on the other side of the glory hole is a female.

I really hope that was a women's penis earlier.

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What do you call the place where you have a chance to get a stroke?

The clottery

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The weather forecast is giving out a 10 chance of rain in my area

Guess it’s gonna be a shit day for 1 of my 10 friends

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Three nuns die and go to heaven...

...whereupon they meet St Peter who at their arrival asks them, “Tell me your sins so I may I may allow you in Heaven.”

One nun walks up and whispers into his ear, “I’ve seen a penis once....”

“Well my child, wash your eyes with some holy water and you may go through the gates.”

So she does, and when St Peter is done


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What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6?

Russian Roulette.

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What has your massage and game of thrones got in common?

They both go on far too long and there's no chance for a happy ending.

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What has your massage and game of thrones got in common?

They both go on far too long and there's no chance for a happy ending.

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Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

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Did you know R. Kelly had a chance to be an NBA player?

Only problem was he kept wanted to do all his scoring before the end of the first period.

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