Cement

Jokes

A cement mixer collided with a prison van...

Police warn to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

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Did you hear about the kid that ate cement?

He was shitting bricks

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"My son's going through a phrase where he jumps into pools of liquid cement!" A woman cried to the doctor

"He'll get out of it eventually," the doctor replied.

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Constipated Construction Worker

“A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."

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The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."

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The construction worker leans over the table, and the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him to the ba


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If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

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A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup thats made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didnt say anything at first, but eventually couldnt hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another decided to tie a bucket of water to the handle of the break room door so when the boy opene


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What did the cement say to the sign?

I'll keep you posted

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A prison van has collided with a cement truck on the freeway,

Motorists are advised to be on the look out for 16 hardened criminals.

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A cement truck smashed into a prison van...

Police are telling people to be on the lookout for 8 hardened criminals.

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You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

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Eating cement is bad

There is a concrete evidence for that

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What does a civil engineer say on his breakup?

CeMent a lot to me,
Why did she Brick my Heart

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Police Alert Two men wanted for stealing a cement mixer.

Caution is advised. They are hardened criminals.

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One day an American man decided to build a wall in front of his house

However, he had a vacation coming up that will span 30 days. So, he decided to hire some labourers to build the wall while he was away. At the same time he was looking for cheap labour, so he decided to hire a Chinese, a Mexican and an Indian to help.

To do this as efficiently as possible, he started delegating tasks to each of his newly-hired labourers.

First, the Amer


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What do you have when your Mother in Law is up to her neck in cement?

Not enough cement

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How do you save a drowning antivax mom?

Take off her cement shoes.

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This just in: A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the highway.

The police warn that these are really heavy criminals.

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This just in: a cement mixer collided with a prison van on the highway.

The prisoners tried to escape across the river, but they were wearing cement overshoes.

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This just in: a cement mixer collided with a prison van on the highway.

The police had to let all the prisoners go, because they were statues of limitations.

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Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

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Breaking news just in!

**BREAKING NEWS JUST IN!**

A Cement mixer has collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

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I was trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials

But I couldn't find any concrete evidence

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I am trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials

But I couldn't find any concrete evidence

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A fish runs into a cement wall and says dam.

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Overheard on two guys unloading a truck the other day

Guy 1: What's the difference between mortar mix and cement mix?

Guy 2: I dunno what?

Guy 1: I wasnt telling a fucking joke I want to know the difference!

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Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

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Builder's block

A building labourer when to see the doctor, complaining of constipation.
'Drop them and I'll have a look.'
The doctor then left the room, returning with a pickaxe - which he swung and hit the man right on the bum hole.

All at once, the man involuntarily passed an enormous bowel movement right there in the surgery.

'What was the matter?'


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My friend is dating an Italian bricklayer.

It's cement to be.

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Two fish are swimming and suddenly reach a cement wall

"Dam"

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A prison van crashed into a cement mixer this morning...

Police are currently on the lookout for half a dozen hardened criminals.

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Who called it cement shop and not

Displacement.

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I went round the Greek islands trying a scam which involved a more advanced version of cement.

[deleted]

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Stutter builder

There where 2 builders placing cement blocks to build a house. They where like 5 m above ground on a scaffolding and a cement block slipped from the hands of a builder, " falling rocks" shouted the builder and a well suited man looked up and dodged the block, the builder went down to check on the well suited man and apologised but the man instead gave him $20 as a reward for saving his l


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Just put my blood, sweat and tears building my first house...

Should of probably not been so cheap and used nails, cement and stucco

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Long joke

There where 2 builders placing cement blocks to build a house. They where like 5 m above ground on a scaffolding and a cement block slipped from the hands of a builder, " falling rocks" shouted the builder and a well suited man looked up and dodged the block, the builder went down to check on the well suited man and apologised but the man instead gave him $20 as a reward for saving his l


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What do you call Donald Trump and his supporters in cement up to their necks?

[deleted]

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up their chin in cement?

Not enough cement

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An American, an Englishman and a Japanese man.....

.... were all seeking work on a building site. The foreman looks at them each and says "Ok, you Americans are hard workers, you can mix the cement, you British are good craftsmen, you can lay the bricks and you Japanese are good with logistics, you can be in charge of supplies."
The American and the Englishman set to work, mixing away and laying the bricks until quite an impressive


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What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?

Dam!

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How do you make a song better using cement?

By remixing it.

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Communist rally

In Cuba the communist leaders decide to have a rally to boost moral. So they invite all the people of Havana to the center square of town. One of the party leaders steps up to the podium to declare "Great people of Cuba with everyones hard work we have produced enough sugar cane that we struck a trade agreement and most of it we will trade for lumber from Mexico." The crowd cheered and s


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Did you hear about the man who swallowed cement?

He tried passing it in his stool, but it was too hard.

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What did the fish say when it swam into a cement wall?

DAM!

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The manager of my power drill company was doing so well I promoted him to head of the cement mixer division.

One good turn deserves another.

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer.

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A Chinese man starts a new job in construction.

Having never worked in construction before, the foreman decides to get him to give bricklaying a go. However the whole day he hears nothing but complaints from his co-workers. Clearly bricklaying isn't for him so he tells the Chinese man, "Tomorrow I want you to give cement mixing a go."

The next day the Chinese man goes into work and gives cement mixing a go. However,


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What's grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?

A wolf. I threw in the cement to make it hard.

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I met a red-neck American priest once carrying a bag of cement. He introduced me to his sibling, child and spouse. Surprisingly...

they were quite smart for a ten-year-old downs syndrome choir-boy.

If you need the explanation: He got his mum pregnant with a baby boy who would, in turn, be his son who he then married.

Boom! A joke at the expense of a nation, homophobes, red-necks, priests, paedophiles, the disabled and...

What about the cement? I threw that in there to make telling this j


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As seen on a masonry truck

Cement shop robbed, police investigators find no concrete evidence

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What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

[deleted]

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