Catching

Jokes

(Insert catching title here)

(Insert joke here)


Edit: Woah, did not expect that people would like this.

Edit 2: Thank you king stranger

Edit 3: Geez

Edit four: sorry my 4 key broke

Edit 5: so many edits.

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What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

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A black man was walking through the jungle

He came across a lion, and as the lion pounced on him, he thought, "I hope this lion is Christian do that he won't eat me"

The lion, after catching him, then bowed his head, put his hands together, and said "dear lord, thank you for this meal"

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Why cant skunks keep secrets?

Someone's always catching wind of them...

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A man steals a car and goes to prison...

When he arrives he hears one of the prisoners shout "#43!" and all the other prisoners break out laughing.
So the man goes up to his cell mate and asks "What was that, and why was it so funny?"
"well, we have all been here so long that we have all memorized everyone else's jokes and assigned each of them a number." His c


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Why are anti-vaxxers worried about catching autism?

Clearly they're already retarded.

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Little joke my younger brother once pulledsaid to me.

He comes home from school all excited and says

"Hey Ace, have you ever seen the clown that hides from stupid people?"

Me just kind of ignoring him but catching on to what he says to late I reply "nope"

He says "yeah I didn't think you would see him."

Damn Little kids man.


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One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

​

“Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What a


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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

Catching all those chickens that had crossed it

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I ran over my neighbours cat

I went to the door. "I'm very sorry ma'am but I have run over your cat. I would like to replace it for you"

She replied "that's ok. How good are you at catching mice"?

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One more friendly reminder about the Notre Dame cathedral catching fire...

Consequently, it has become the world's hottest tourist attraction though.

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Two cows are standing in a field...

One cow turns to the other and says "Daisy, are you worried about catching this 'Mad Cow' disease that's been going around?"

The other cow replies "Don't be so stupid Buttercup! I can't catch it because I'm a helicopter!"

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My girlfriend has a fetish for getting caught having sex, but I find it exhausting

I'm really getting tired of catching her.

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Two people were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled


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Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished e


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I tried reporting to the police about some guy trying to extort money from me

Police: Sir, you can't just report our staff for catching you speeding.

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Inspector Javert gives up on catching Jean Valjean and opens a bakery.

But old habits die hard. The bread is on special, two for $6.01

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Why are frogs good baseball players?

Because they're good at catching flies!

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Whats better than throwing a baby off of a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

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You know what's been catching my eye recently?

Short people with umbrellas

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sorry if repost

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My girlfriend and I play this game...

where I try to steal her underwear and take them home without her catching me. I'm definitely winning because I've never gotten caught. In her defense, though, I don't think she knows that we're playing.

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Grandson shows grandpa the Pokemon Go

-it's about catching all Pokemons-says grandson
-you know, in my time we also tried to catch them all
-what was your team called?
-The Gestapo

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I'm tired of catching heat for judging by race, color, religion, sexual orientation, weight, height...ect

I'm just watching porn!

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Snowmen and snowwomen are becoming sick.

They are catching a cold.

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Why does California like the Hunger Games?

It's always catching fire.

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Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished e


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My friend just released a beta for his game that involves catching exotic flies from different location

It’s very buggy right now

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Group of scientists invented a thief catching machine..

So they decided to test it in various countries one by one.

Starting with USA.

Caught more than 300 thieves in an hour. They couldn’t be more happier with the results.

Then the group decided to ship their machine to Bangladesh. It worked quite well over there, catching almost twice the amount of thieves caught in USA in an hour.

The group i


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A young man with a masturbation addiction marries a Catholic young woman.

Because of his wife’s beliefs, he has to hide his constant masturbation from her. He does it pretty well.

On their anniversary, she puts a blindfold on him and tells him not to peek at his surprise. She guides him to sit at their dinner table and is about to remove the blindfold when suddenly, the phone rings in the other room. She leaves him to grab the phone.

Th


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"There were a load of vowels chasing me home. I checked behind me and they were catching up on me, and they looked really angry, like they wanted to hurt me. I didn't know what to do, dad," said my son.

I said, "OK...Summarize..."


He said, "Yeah, but not many."

​

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My high school has 125 kids in it

So we went to homecoming as a friend group, and ended up catching Liam and Michelle making out in the corner.

Their mom was pissed.

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School is on fire in Texas (translated from Russian)

Throw children at me, I’ll catch them! - screamed one firefighter to another.

Ok.

Why aren’t you catching Nigerian pupils?

Shit, I was wondering, why the fuck are you tossing out the dead burnt bodies first?!

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A guy knocks on an old ladies door

He says excuse me, I think I've killed your cat I just ran over it in the street but I'd like to offer to replace it. She looks at him and says how good are you at catching mice?

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I'm absolutely good at catching two things:

cold and feelings.

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What are fishnets used for?

Catching whorcas.

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Catching rabbits

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

How do you catch a common rabbit?

Comm-on, tame way, unique up on it.

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A joke I came up with just now...

Because Ireland is a very catholic country, the pubs often become barren during the Lenten season. One night, on Easter Sunday when lent is over and the pub is once again full of life, a man walks in on his own and orders three pints. The bartender walks over to the man’ s booth with his drinks and asks if he was off drinking for lent. The man says yes, he’s just catching up with and


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I was working on a joke about my dog catching a ball I threw about 200 yards. But honestly?

That's too far fetched.

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OP Harry and Sally were catching a plane to get married overseas..

and Harry said "would you prefer the window or the aisle?" to which Sally replied "the window of course!"

Harry, a little perplexed, said "Well it's going to be an awkward ceremony.."

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Caesar The Bull

Caesar The Bull

A Wyoming rancher had a bull named Caesar who was

getting old, so he decided to sell him on the auction market.

The only problem was that the nearest railroad was miles

away and across across a river that hadn't yet been bridged.

Since Caesar had grown somewhat crotchety in his old age

the rancher or


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Japanese Thief-catching Robot

A new Thief-catching robot was created in Japan, they tested the robot in Japan and in just under 50 minutes caught 25 thieves. further testing of the robot was needed so they decided to test it in Italy and under 30 minutes the robot caught 40 thieves. then the robot was tested in Germany, which in 15 minutes caught 50 thieves. the robot then was taken to Mexico and in just 5 minutes the robot w


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The tax man comes to the farmer's door and says that he wants to look at his farm.

The farmer says, "You can look anywhere you want, but don't go into that field over there. The tax man whips out his badge and says, "This badge says I can go anywhere I want and proceeds to climb the fence and walk into the field. A few minutes later he comes hauling ass back across the field with an angry bull quickly catching up to him. The farmer yells, "Show him your badge


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My date asked me if I would catch her if she fell...

I told her look, I have back problems. There is no way I'm catching 220lb flying objects.

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What did the Canadian say after catching the plague?

I’m sorey.

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I did pretty well in my insect catching exam...

I got a bee.

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If a virgin conceiving is called an immaculate conception...

Is a virgin catching venereal disease called an immaculate infection???

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Catching the train

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.

I got the joke from short-funny website


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I accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat the other day.

So, immediately, I went and knocked on her door, and I said, "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am; I think I've killed your cat. To make amends for this tragic mistake, I'll replace him if you'd like."

She said, "That's very noble of you, but how are you at catching mice?"


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Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

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Bubba and Clyde are out hunting one day...

... when they finally lay eyes on the perfect buck. Bubba takes one shot and it goes down. They're struggling to get it back to their pickup, dragging it by its hind legs, when they come across another hunter.

The hunter says, "You know boys, if you drag it by its antlers, it'll be easier, since they won't be catching on everything."

After a litt


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