Carrion

Jokes

I was on a plane today when a vulture

tried to board with two dead raccoons.
Thankfully, the alert flight attendant quickly said "I'm sorry Sir, only one carrion per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why don't vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only bring carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane...

The stewardess stops him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I dont know why I got kicked off the plane for bringing a dead animal.

I mean, it did say I could bring a “carrion” bag,

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was on a plane, sat next to a man, who had a large rucksack full of rotting animal meat.

He said it was his carrion luggage

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why are vultures always pissed when flying?

Because they’re allowed to bring only one carrion bag.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess stops him and says, "I'm sorry sir, we allow each passenger one carrion"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the vulture bring on his flight?

Carrion luggage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The flight attendant said she smelled something funny in the overhead compartment.

I said your policy allows me to bring one carrion bag.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The flight attendant said she thought she smelled something funny in the overhead compartment

I said it was my carrion bag.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture is getting on a plane with a dead deer under his wing. The flight attendant and if he would like to check his deer.


"No thanks." He says, "It's carrion."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...

At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.

"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."

"Oh, no, it's okay." He says. "These are my carrion beetles."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call someone who dies on a plane mid-flight?

Carrion luggage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the vulture have to check in his luggage before flying?

Because all he needed was carrion

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'll never fly delta again.

I tried to board with two dead comfort cats and they said I could only have one carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why can't hyenas bring their food back to their dens before they eat it?

It'd be too much carrion'

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why are vultures boycotting the airlines?

Why are vultures boycotting the airlines?

They keep raising the price of carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A buzzad walks on to a plane

A buzzard walks on to a plane with a kill in each claw. The stewardess stops him.
"One carrion per person."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear Delta is no longer allowing road kill in checked bags?

It’s only carrion

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two vultures board an airplane...

Each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When vultures fly...

... do they take carrion luggage?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'm interested in the recent increase of dead animals on United flights

Have they updated their carrion policy?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the vulture have to pay a baggage fee at the airport?

She only had carrion luggage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?

You're only allowed one carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture decided to fly south for the winter...

He was horrified to learn that the airline would only allow one carrion per customer

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I met a vulture trainer on a flight.

He said the birds travel better if you let them bring their carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture goes to the airport and the agent says, Do you have any bags to check?

The vulture says: No, just this carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Now boarding...

Two vultures board an airplane each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons tries to board an airplane...

and the flight attendant says, "I'm sorry, sir. You're only allowed one carrion."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man walks onto a plane...

... He has a dead rabbit under each arm. The stuardess turns: "I'm sorry, sir. You're only allowed one item of carrion"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the lieutenant vulture say to the enlisted vultures who stopped eating a dead cow to salute?

Carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does a vulture bring with him on the airplane?

His carrion bag.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the vulture take on his plane ride?

His Carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight?

I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage?

No, thanks, it's just carrion...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.

The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?

Carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane?

Because he ate his carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why don't vultures eat at restaurants?

They don't allow carrion.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A vulture boards a plane

Tired of flying himself, a vulture boards a plane carrying with him his lunch, a dead animal. The atendant notices and says, "Sir, we do not allow you to bring on dead animals." Quite surprised, the vulture says, "But I was told I could bring carrion luggage."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only *carrion*...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend got upset when we saw a dead deer on the side of the road.

I asked her not to carrion about it

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend got upset when we drove past a dead feet

I told her not to carrion about it

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the airline refuse to allow the vulture to board his flight?

Because of the terrible smell coming from his carrion luggage.


UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do buzzards in Kansas eat?

Carrion, my wayward son.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture?

Because it's a carrion bird.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why doesn't a vulture check its bags?

It prefers carrion

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE