Dont you hate it when your girlfriend has an identical twin and you get confused and then get charged with 12 counts of (indium carbon einsteinium tantalum)
Genie: you have one wish left...
Me: I wish no one will get this joke
Me: carbon dioxide
I was asking my kid what he thinks I named the new server. He said "Carbon Dioxide". I said do you know how to spell it. He said "I T". I was like WTF?
Server name is "Server" .
What do drug-addicted chemists call meth?
A '1-carbon chain'
How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
You put a single strand of carbon nanotubes over their eyes.
In China, archaeologists recently discovered the oldest known statue of a penis...
...carbon dating estimates it came from the Dong Dynasty.
When is it fine to be attracted to a corpse?
When you're carbon dating.
Yo Momma is so old
Yo Momma is so old, that instead of using online dating, yo dad used carbon dating in order to need her.
Why is carbon-14 such a player?
It’s great at dating.
Have you heard about the new dating site for elderly people?
They call it Carbon-14.
What do you call it when an organic lifeform goes out with another organic lifeform?
Your mamma's so old...
she met your new step daddy on a carbon dating site! :0
The carbon dioxide levels in our atmosphere are now higher than theyve ever been, but there are ways that we can reduce that number by half.
Divide it by 2.
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm
Its loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel dizzy and sick.
Two guys walk into a bar and both ask for carbon dioxide. One dies. Why?
The first says, "I'll have CO!" The second one says, "I'll have CO, too!"
Did you know that we produce 48 more carbon emissions than we used to in the 70's
but that figure could be halved if we just divided it by 2
I refused to walk across hot coals because I'm an environmentalist.
I didn't want to have a large carbon footprint.
Antivaxxers are eco friendly!
They dramatically reduce their child's carbon footprint!
Two archaeologists aren't going out with each other
They're carbon dating.
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy
Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?
I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.
The best thing about Hitler
is that he was able to take carbon emissions to a whole another level.
I had to turn off my carbon monoxide alarm
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
In another world, there's a guy that was made out of carbon, helium, and fluorine. do you know what he is?
he's a CHeF......
Paedophiles should be allowed to live near schools...
It reduces their carbon footprint
Why did the archaeologists wife divorce him?
He was carbon-dating behind her back
Why do pencil factory workers always wipe their feet before going home?
To reduce their carbon footprints.
What is the relationship between an old fossil and a paleontologist called?
If we are made of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen.
And the universe is made up of primarily oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen.Is this why I'm so spaced out?
Did anyone hear about the fossils down the block?
I heard they started carbon dating.
A hot student was getting bad grades in science.
His teacher agreed to give her good grades based on his performance in the bedroom.
They go to the teachers house the next week and have a night of passion.
The student completely flunked the tests but got good grades in chemistry and physics.
He asks why those two and not biology as well.
"Well, the chemistry was definitely there and you
Ive been experimenting with iron, carbon, and aluminum to make a better toilet. Im going to write a whitepaper on my results.
It’s titled “The FeCAl Matter.”
Summary of organic chemistry
Carbon is a whore.
Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.
Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”
Osmium walks into the room.
“What’s so funny guys?”
Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”
If Carbon Monoxide Kills You, Then Why Is It Not Called Carbon DIE-oxide?
I've been single so long, I don't remember how old I was the last time I had a girlfriend.
I can't even get a carbon date
Are u dating anyone?
"Are u dating anyone" the assistant asked me."yes obviously " I said with irritation as I analysed the remaining radioactive carbon in the ancient corpse before me
What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?
“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”
I'm on Instagram, and I'm not good at it.
So, I'm on Instagram, and I don't put much effort in it.
A friend of mine, who is really high on social media tells me "Dude, you need to change your Instagram Bio. It's rubbish"
Me: Why? It describes me perfectly.
Friend: It just says "I breathe air."
Me: Well, yeah!! It's spot on.
Harry Potter could have been hallucinating everything due to carbon monoxide poisoning by being stuck in the cupboard under the stairs.
People make fun of anti-vaxx people but you gotta admit
They do reduce carbon emissions
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, and Carbon?
Because you are Au.Ti.S.Ti.C
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur and Carbon?
Because you are
Au, Ti, S, Ti, C
This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes
Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium
Yttrium Oxygen Uranium
Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium
Global warming is caused by a growing mountain of carbon.
I just hope our children can climate.
I think my carbon monoxide detector is malfuctioning, but
Pineapple laundry dictionary.
How long does a carbon monoxide intoxication last?
Longer than you think.
I had to turn off my carbon monoxide detector ...
‘cause the constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me hallucinate
What did iodine-131 say to carbon-14?
I'm already tracer