Cape

Jokes

Its the night of a couples 70th wedding anniversary

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I'm super lazy today....

Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

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I told my friend that I went on a trip to Eastern Cape of Africa and this guy hurled a long throwing spear at me.

My friend said "Assagaai!", I said I don't know why you're taking his side.

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So a J Word, an N Word, an R Word, and a guy wearing a confederate flag as a cape walk into a bar..

.. they get their drinks, start chatting and seem to be getting along well. The bar tender says "Wow, if you all weren't blind you probably wouldn't be getting along so well".
Jack says: "What are you talking about?"
Bar tender: "Well let's just say I think you might have some differences of opinion"
Neil: "What opinions?"


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What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

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The last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was placed in the local paper. Only two applicants showed up, a male and a female.

The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer so he would choose the one with the best act.
At first glance it appeared that the female was much better prepared because she came to the interview with a very long flowing cape, a whip and chair. The man showed up with a cigar. She looked more like a model than a trainer.

The owner asked who would like to go first, and the


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A limerick from Cape Horn

There once was a man from Cape Horn,


who wished he never was born.


And he wouldn't have been


if his father had seen


that the top of the rubber was torn.

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Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

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Thought I saw the first ever super hero today, he was running down our street wearing a cape.

Turns out he hadn't paid for his haircut.

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When my wife gets angry

I put a cape on her and watch her become ... Super Angry

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The next time your wife gets angry,

drape a towel around her shoulders, like a cape, and call her Super Angry!

Maybe she´ll laugh.
Maybe you´ll die.

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My wife was mad at me so I bought her a cape.

She turned into..dun dun dun dun, SUPERRRR MAD!

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Not all heroes wear capes...

...because if they did, the cape would get stuck in a jet engine and kill them.

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I told my friend that I went on a trip to Eastern Cape of Africa

This chap hurled a long throwing spear at me. My friend said "Assagaai!", I said I don't know why you're taking his side.

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There was a recent test of one man's super powers...

He was found to be cape able.

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Wearing nothing but a cape I jumped into the bedroom startling my wife.

I shouted SUPER SEX!!!!

She replied, “ I don’t know, what kind of soup is it?

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Who was the first amoeba to sail around Cape Horn?

Flagellan

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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said

'This dumbass put my cape on backwards'

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NSFW: An elderly lady gets out of the bath, ties a towel as a cape, runs and jumps in front of her husband.

She yells "Super Pu$$y!"

Old man thinks for a second and says "I'll take the soup!"

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Im like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape.

Strange...

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Im like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape.

Strange...

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The next time your gf gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and exlaim:

“Now you’re SUPER ANGRY”


Maybe she’ll laugh

Maybe you’ll die

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There was once a family of vampires. One day, the father says :" The one who will come back in one hour with the most blood will get my special cape when I die"

The elder brother immediatly started searching for blood. After an hour he comes back with blood on his tongue. The father says:" Nice! Son, where did you get the blood?"
"From the little mouse in the corner"
After this goes the second brother. He comes back with blood around lips. The father asks :" Wonderful! Where did you get the blood?"
"Fro


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Why does Batman wear a cape?

Because no one he loves is alive to hug him... for long.

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If Batman wears kevlar armor and a bulletproof cape, why does Robin have to wear a bright-colored spandex outfit?

For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.

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Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"



He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

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Next time your wife is angry....

Put a cape on her and and say, "Now you are, super angry!!!"

Disclaimer: results may vary

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The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

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Two friends drinking at a bar.

Friend A: You look super drunk!
Friend B: I am not super drunk!
Friend A: Wear this red cape. Now, you really are super drunk!

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Saw a black guy with a black cape on running down the road, I said are you Batman? he replied.

No I have just run out of the Hairdressers without paying.

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If someone gets mad at you...

Put a cape around their neck, laugh and say “now you are Super Mad!”

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Super sex

An elderly man is about to celebrate his fiftieth wedding anniversary, and wants to show his wife their relationship is as exciting as ever.

"I'll go to the costume shop," he thinks, "and find something to really spice things up." He finds a Superman costume and figures it's just the ticket.

That night, when his wife goes into the bathroom to


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One from South Africa

The rat epidemic in Cape Town had reached dangerous proportions. No Capetonian was safe from the furry menace. The situation was thoroughly intolerable. After much hand-wringing, Patricia de Lille, the mayoress, decided that drastic measures were called for. The city needed an exterminator, and quickly.

The next day at City Hall, Mayoress de Lille met with her staff and worked ou


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An old couple.

This couple hasn't had sex in many years. The man sits in front of the tv and watches super hero movies all the time.
his wife( an 80 yr old) is super horny, but he never looks away from the tv. she gets an idea to dress up all sexy to get his attention. she gets some lingerie, and a cape. puts it on and struts around the house to get his eyes away frrom the tv.
when it doesn�


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Super Stripper

An old man answers the door on his birthday to find a buxom blonde dressed up with a cape at his front door.

She yells out “SUPER STRIPPER”.

The old man thinks about it for a minute and finally replies “I’ll have the soup”

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Did you know about Cape Breton's indigenous flower?

It only grows for six months of the year and requires a minimum of 160 days of sunlight before blooming. It's called the pogey flower.

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Cape Town

Edna must really hate it there

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An archery contest

Once upon a time there was an archery competition.

The first contestant, wearing a long cape covering his face, put a watermelon on a volunteer, took 100 paces away then turned and fired. The watermelon exploded. The archer took off his cape and claimed: I AM ROBINHOOD!

The second one with a hood put an apple above the volunteer head, took 200 paces and fired right throug


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I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on.

I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".
He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".

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I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on

I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".

He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".

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An old woman lives in a nursing home.

One day she takes off all of her clothes, puts on a cape, and runs through the halls yelling "Suuuuuuuper Pussyyyy!"

A nurse hears her and walks her back to her room. Once there she takes her cape off, puts her clothes back on, and lays her down in bed. As soon as the nurse is gone, however, she strips again and reaffixes her cape. She runs through the halls once more shouti


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What do people from Cape Cod say to their butts?

Hyannis

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What does a giraffe and cape cod have in common?

[deleted]

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I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.

It was a narrow "S" cape.

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Escape: Superman's cape.

[deleted]

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Man found wearing Cecil the lion as hat-cape.

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My dads favorite dirty joke

An old married couple decided to try and role play one night after years of not being intimate. The husband jumped out into the kitchen dressed in a mask and yelled "I'm a super villain!" The wife grabbed the tablecloth and wrapped it around her neck like a cape and yelled "Super Pussy!" The husband took one look at his wife and said "I'll have the soup."


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A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

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What is Madonna's least favourite band?

Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly

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Madonna falls off stage

apparently she was supposed to untie her cape so that her dancers could rip it off her.

i guess madonna is not as good at pulling things off as she used to be.

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