Cane

Jokes

And the Lord said unto John, Come forth and you will receive eternal life

But John cane fifth, and won a toaster

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My friend claimed to have made a 61 foot long candy cane.

But my tape measure was only 60 feet long...

I guess you could say, his achieve***mint*** was immeasurable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do they call confectioner's sugar on the moons of Jupiter?

Io cane powder

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My 4 year old cane up with this one. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lack toes.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Enjoy the feeling of pure white powdered cane

Sugarcane plant

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Enjoy the feeling of pure white cane

Sugarcane plant

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

He has the white cane with the red end you unfunny, reposting, karma whoring chumps.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I saw an oldman struggling with his cane while crossing the street so I decided to help!

I carried his cane for him and took it to the other side so he it doesn't annoy him.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My grandma has a drug addiction.

Everyday, she smokes crack co-cane.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man walks into a bank with a loaded pistol

He shouts, everybody down or I'll shoot. Everybody gets down except one lady who is pregnant, she says she cant because she is having triplets. The man again demands she gets kn the floor. Again she says she cant because she's having triplets. The man shoots her 3 times and runs out of the bank. The woman and her fetus survive. Several years later her first son comes to her, mum, mum I h


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a senior who can't walk good no more?

Citizen Cane

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Old Man and the Beaver

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor
for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great
and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 30 year-old bride
who is pregnant with my child.
"So what do you think about that Doc?
The doctor considered his question for a minute


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you gave a snake Viagra, would it just turn into a cane?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's blue and smells like chicken?

A candy cane ahahah

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I cant see this whole racism thing. I cant see whites, blacks, browns, reds or even yellows.

I do have a cane though.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a sharpened candy cane?

A spearmint

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the Cane say to the other Cane, when he was going to torture him?

This is going to be very careful.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A dude dies and is condemned to Hell

On his way he is very bummed thinking about all the fire and the torture and the sleaze and other stuff.


But when he enters Hell he sees that it's just a very big room; and every person is standing in one big circle, all of them facing the centre, and with their left-hand thumb in their mouth and the right-hand thumb in the ass of the person to their right.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat.

The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right,
and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the
floor.

Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a
little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that.

The old man looked up and replied, &q


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What in this world is born with four legs, then two, then three?

Humans. You crawl as a baby, walk as an adult, and walk with a cane as an elder.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How does an old man prepare for Florence when he's in a pinch?

He grabs his hurry cane and leaves.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer

There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened one night.

One morning, Old Man Richards woke to find half his cows slaughtered and ea


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.


*MAID:* -What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

*ME:* -Tea pls.

*MAID:* -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

*ME:* -Ceylon Tea pls.

*MAID:* -How do U want it, black or white?

*ME:* -White....


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Bob, his wife, and nine kids are waiting at a bus stop

A man with glasses and a cane walks over, and asks if this is the bus stop. Bob says yes. A few minutes later, the bus arrives.
Since there are only 10 seats, Bob and the blind man are forced to walk. While they are walking, Bob notices a knocking noise coming whenever the blind man slams his cane down.
Bob suggests to the man, “Why don’t you try putting rubber on the end


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When a bunch of actors are on suspicion of using drugs, one of them had to make the toughest decision

It’s Michael Cane

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An entomologist..

Recently, a world renowned entomologist was invited by the Queen of England to a gala in honor of the top minds in science. As this was an extremely formal event, the dress code was (obviously) "white tie." The entomologist was flattered beyond belief, and, in attempt to look his absolute best, he went out and obtained the best quality white tie apparel, even going so far as to have a ca


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An elderly man is having trouble keeping his balance on the bus

His cane is slipping on the floor. On every turn of the bus, he loses his balance and barely escapes danger of falling. So he starts looking around if someone will give up their seat for him.


A sitting rebellious type youngster patronizes him: "Hey old man, if you put some rubber on the tip of your cane, you wouldn't have this much trouble."


O


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Story of Juan

In the dense jungle of South America, there was born into poverty a boy named Juan. His father grew and sold raw sugar cane. As Juan grew, he realized that while he may not have a lot of resources, he had his mind. He knew that he could process the sugar cane into sugar and sell it for more. He does this and soon has a crude machine that chops the cane, boils it, and leaves the crystalized sugar b


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After a fair amount of time spent golfing I have lowered my handicap.

I ditched my cane and now walk with just a slight limp.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you make an abortion a more pleasant experience?

Use a candy cane

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I heard the woman in the apartment next door having sex last night

She was moaning and groaning and they were thumping against the wall.

Turns out her mother had fallen and broken her hip and was hitting the wall with her cane for help.

Now I feel sorta bad for masturbating so many times.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

TIL The first murderer was a disabled guy

Look it up in the Bible, the story of Cane and Able.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An old man and old lady were in their rocking chairs watching the sunset.

when the old lady picked up her cane and knocked the old man out of his chair and off the porch. He dusted his self off and sat back down in his chair.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“For having such a small pecker all these years,” she replied.

They sat in silence for a while, when the old man picked up his cane and knocked t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Last night when I laid down to sleep I heard loud moaning, screaming and banging on the wall from the neighboring apartment...

It sounded like my neighbors were having sex. Turnes out they were out of town and that the old grandmother who stayed over to watch the apartment had fallen and broke her hip. She was actually shouting for help and banging her cane against the wall for someone to hear her. Now I feel a little bad that I jerked off to that.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's this black kid that goes to school and

There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.
So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad.
His dad beats the crud outta him.
He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!"
He gets beat by his mom too.
Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm whit


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the Pope fall down a flight of stairs?

His cane didn't have a rubber tip on it.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a dirty stoner cactus with a cane?

Mescaline

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Sexy old lady with a cane

I saw this really sexy elderly woman crossing the street yesterday and she had a beautiful antique bamboo cane. She looked like a star from the Golden Age of Cinema and I couldn't resist approaching her. So I walked up to her and confidently said "you are so absolutely beautiful and I love that cane of yours and I would like to give you a big O". She blushed and asked "why in t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

OMG! Did you hear what the candy maker said about Cane syrup, wheat flour, cane molasses, water, corn syrup, sugar, cornstarch, licorice extract, sunflower oil, caramel color, glycerine, glycerol monostearate, potassium sorbate, anise oil, salt, soy lecithin. ???

It was just redlicorice!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor...

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After hearing from this doctor that could cure everything the sons take their mother who walked completely bent over.

The lady used to walk with a walking cane but she walked completely bent over. After 10 minutes in the doctor's office she walks out still with a walking cane but completely straight up.

What happened?? Wondered the sons.

Lady said: He just gave me a longer cane

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Remove hands of an Italian and he can't talk. Remove the cane of an American and he can't walk. Remove the bananas of a black and...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the day, 3 legs in the evening?

Human. Crawls as baby, walks normally, uses a cane as an old.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My friend works as a CNA and was taking care of a patient with dementiaAlzheimer's.

My friend was telling me about the patient. The patient was confused, she would talk to her walking cane. She named it George. I asked my friend why she was in the hospital. My friend proceeded to tell me that the patient used to live in a nursing home and was assaulted by a black female resident. Turns out, they got into a fight and she was beaten very badly; ironically, the other resident used a


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So I beat a Russian Grand Master once.

With his own cane.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Cane sugar is the best!

It just can't be beet!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Cane sugar...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
"So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story:

"I have an older friend, much like you, who


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does a candy cane say to another candy cane during a storm?

**HURRY**CANE!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does a candy cane say to another candy cane during a strong storm?

**Hurry**cane!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE