Cancel

Jokes

I had to put in a too weak notice to cancel my gym membership.

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A lazy comedian, a blind person, and a politician walk into a bar.

The blind person and the politician tell each other jokes while the lazy comedian rambles about cancel culture.

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A man calls his doctor and says "I'd like to cancel my tomorrow's appointment."

The doctor replies:

- Well, in such a case it will not be refunded, as appointments need to be cancelled three days in advance if you want a refund.

- Can I have it rescheduled then?

- Yes. What do you think about 3:30 PM next Friday?

- That is all right.

- Thank you.

The man then says:

- So I'd like my


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Bad day for Amazon boss Jeff Bezos.

Pays out $38b divorce settlement on same day I cancel my Amazon Prime free 7-day trial.

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When I was younger I was able to grip a 16 inch softball in my hand so securely that nobody could pull it away.

So they had to cancel the game.

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Donald Trump calls for a strike on Iran. He decides to cancel it last minute.

I guess you could say he ran from the idea.

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My wife was meant to speak at an innuendo conference last night but had to cancel.

It all ended well as I managed to fill her slot.

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Did you know...

... that a blue whales are so big that if one was placed on a football field they would have to cancel the game?

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Does anyone know how to cancel eBay bids?

I bid £10 on a cowboy outfit and I'm about 5 minutes away from owning the Tory Party.

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Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

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After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.

That sail has shipped.

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Why did they cancel fireworks at Euro Disney?

Every time they went off, the French would surrender.

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Remind me to cancel my trip to the technology, education, and design conference

Noted

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I heard the Greta Van Fleet had to cancel the rest of their US tour. The lead singer pulled his hernia.

From lifting too many Led Zeppelin songs.

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When you miss or cancel an appointment,

that is a disappointment.

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Why did Spinal Tap cancel their concert in 2001?

They couldn't play on 9/11

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A terminally ill man goes to the doctor..

Doctor: "I've got good news and bad news. Good news is you have one week to live."

Man: "Well what's the bad news?"

Doctor: "Remember when I had to cancel your appointment last week?"

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Why did the warden cancel the prison writing contest?

There were too many cons and not enough prose

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My doctor told me he doesn't want to work anymore and we'll have to cancel my next visit.

I got disappointed.

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I feel really sick today.

Now I got to think of an excuse to cancel my doctor's appointment.

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Why did blockbusters cancel their nativity play?

Because they had no prophets!

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How do you cancel your appointment at a sperm bank?

Cum early

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The republicans had to cancel their living nativity

They didn’t have three wise men or a virgin

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The democrats had to cancel their living nativity this year

They didn’t have three wise men or a virgin.

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Bad medicine...

Trump wants to cancel $100 million in research funds for Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.

I can't remember why, but I bet that'll really shake things up.

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I lost my V-Card to a cute chick the other night

Had to call my bank today and cancel my visa

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Why did contractor cancel the tunnel project?

The boring was too boring.

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Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.

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I had an optometry appointment today

But I had to cancel, I couldn't find my way there.

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A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.

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Me: "Yeah I'm gonna have to cancel, I'm not feeling too well"

Receptionist at the doctors office: "..."

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A man has a doctor appointment the next day that he wants to cancel.

So he goes into the office and asks the person at the desk, "Can I cancel my appointment?" The person at the desk responds, "Of course, but there is a $100 cancelation fee if the appointment is in less than a week." The man thinks for a minute than asks, "I'd there a fee to reschedule my appointment?" The person at the desk responds, "No, when do you want to


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Two men are sitting in a retirement home, chatting

The first one, Frank, says "So, what should we do?"
Second one, John "this might sound crazy, but I think we should rob a bank"
"Don't be stupid, where would we even start?
"You know my grandsons a painter, he's been hired to paint the bank, I say we dress up as painters, you bring your old pistol and ill bring my shotgun if we can get if o


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I went to the most nonchalent doctor for an MRI scan...

...after all the trouble of going in the machine he randomly decided to cancel the appointment before even turning the machine on.

Zero flux given.

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How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

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I called my doctor to cancel my sex change.

Because I pussied out

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A symphony is preparing for a concert.

The crowds eagerly await this outdoor performance of the Hallelujah Chorus. However, it's the middle of June, and the heat is terrible. All the flutes, trumpets, and tubas are out of tune. The choir is miserable and sweaty.

Ultimately, they're forced to cancel the performance. It was simply too hot to Handel.


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TIL a blue whale is so big, if you laid it out on a basketball court

they would have to cancel the game.

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I can live in celibacy.

I cancel.

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North Korea is sending a top diplomat to cancel the recent negotiations...

Jo Xan Yu

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So a man had an appointment with a psychologist...

The man couldn't find any clean clothes to wear, so he decided to cover himself with saran wrap. As the man approaches the office, the psychologist says to him,

"I decided to cancel our appointment together."

"What? Why?" asked the man

"Because I can clearly see your nuts."


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After 9 months of procrastination, of psyching myself up and never following through, last night i finally went to the gym

to cancel that damned membership.

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An Elvis impersonator had to cancel a show because he got some terrible family news.

He was all shook up

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What are the first few things Donald Trump will do as President

* Turn ​the White House lawn into a expensive golf course for rent
* Build​ a huge wall around the White House and make the visitors pay for it
* ​Pass an​ executive action to cancel the 2008/2012 election alleging that Obama was not born in this country

what else?

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Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

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What Happens if you Cancel on Your Plans With a Horse?

[deleted]

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Heard about the public speaker with the rodent up his butt?

He had to cancel a speech because he was gerbily constipated.

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It's as easy as tau over 2.

For those who don't know tau (T) = 2*pi (3.14) and makes trigonometry "easier". Saying it is T/2 is 2*pi/2 and the two's cancel out leaving you with pi, and thus, "It's as easy as pi" QED.

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Albanians invented a new brand of a computer

The keyboard has two buttons. The first is "Test" and the second is "Cancel".

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How do you cancel your appointment at the spermicides bank?

You call and say you can't cum.

Edit:typo

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