Camel

Jokes

A man was walking across a desert with his camel

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Joke from my 4 yr old this morning...

her: Knock knock!

me: Who's there?

her: Camel!

me: Camel who?

her: Silly, Camels don't say 'who' they say 'AAAHHHHHH!!!'

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A man goes to a camel service stop

He tells the worker "My camel won't walk, can you help?"

"Sure" He signals to the automotive lift "Put the camel on the lift"

The man drags the camel on the lift and the worker slams the camels balls with 2 bricks and it runs off

"How am i supposed to catch it now?" To which the worker replies "*sigh* On the l


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What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Pregnant

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Someone told me im not very good at telling jokes.

And then i said, thats not a camel, thats my wife!

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A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
"Well, sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father. In fact, I don't


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What did the Indian man name his camel?

Humpal Singh

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A man and his wife, in the desert...

They are both riding camels. His wife's camel suddenly stumbles, throwing her on the sand.
"That's one", she says.
Some time goes by, and the same event happens.
"That's two", she says.
After a while the camel stumbles again, but this time his wife gets her pistol out and shoots the camel.
"And that was three", she says.


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I taped cigarettes to my feet

Now I have Camel toes

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How do you call the toes of a camel?

Fanny outlines

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Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain

One of the ladies reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom.

"Helen! What in the world is that for?!" says the other lady.

"Well, just watch this" Helen says before she cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette. "This way they don't get soggy!"

The second old lady is pretty impressed and walks right down to the cor


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What do you call a three humped camel

An outcast

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My dad once caught me smoking a Camel. He got so mad, he made me smoke the whole pack...

...just to teach me about brand loyalty.

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A camel walks into a bart

Bart is like EW IT HURTS

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhoes.

Two calves, and ass, a beaver, a shit load of hares, 1 camel toe and a fish no body can find.

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Long As they rented a camel for a desert ride two men were given a pair of bricks to help the camel drink...

They asked how the bricks worked and the rental agent explained. "One of you holds the camel's mouth to the water. If he does not start drinking then the other one takes the two bricks and claps them together on the camel's balls. He'll suck up some water and continue to drink until he is full.

One of the men asked "Doesn't that hurt?" to which th


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Chore - Camel - Day - Deed

Say it 10 times as fast as you can without silencing the "r"

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The Hardest Tongue Twister!

Chore - camel - day - deed (Say it as fast as you can)

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What do you call an eight-hump camel?

Grotesque

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A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel.

On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'

'I agree,


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A guy gets lost in the desert, he has food, water and his camel but no idea where he is.

As the days go by he gets hornier and hornier - he wants to fuck badly. So he tries to mount the camel but every time he is almost in, the camel pulls away. Day after day he tries, with the same result.

​

One day he comes across an airplane that's just crashed, the only survivor is a beautiful girl. He pulls her from the wreck, gives her food and wate


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And I said thats not a camel

That’s a llama, they are very similar in appearances and I forgive your misjudgedment

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Was out at the bar today and saw a woman pull a phone right out of her crotch

I've come across plenty of camel toes and a few moose knuckles, but I've never seen an otter box.

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Paddy and his camel

Paddy walks into a police station and reports his camel has been stolen.

The policeman says "how many humps does it have? "

Paddy replied "I can't really remember, one or two?"

The police man goes "well what colour was it, light or dark brown?"

Paddy replied "i cant really remember?"

The p


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A priest a nun and a camel .

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can surv


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An elephant says to a camel. "Haahaa seems like you have two breast growing on your back."

Camel responds.."With a face like yours, I'd just shut up."

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Afghan Lament

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit at a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there and the nervous Sergeant replied, "Sir, as you know, there are 50 men here on this post and no women. Sometimes the men have 'urges'


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Once upon a time there lived a pharao and for his future funeral he ordered a giant pyramid.

100 men were appointed to build it. When the pyramid was ready, the proud builders were lined up in front of the pyramid as the pharao came to inspect the end result. Suddenly a man on a camel raced past the pyramid and with a lot of noise the pyramid collapsed! One builder died as he got stuck under the debris. The other 99 builders started chasing the man on the camel but unfortunately he was to


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What do you call a camel with only one hump?

A canel

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Why don't they teach sex education and driver education on the same day in the Middle East?

Doing so would be far too exhausting for the camel.

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Courtesy to my pastor's son. What do you call a camel with no hump?

Humphrey

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Trekking through the Desert

Two Englishmen and a Bedouin guide are trekking through the desert. The sun is beating down and the throats are parched and their lips are dry and cracked when one of the Englishmen notice that the Bedouin's lips look fine - no chapping, no cracking, nothing. He asks, how do you keep your lips from chapping. The Bedouin, a man of few words, simply replies, "camel dung." "Camel


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A young camel asks his mother: Mommy, why do we have long eyelashes?

The mother answers: “ To keep the sand of the Sahara out of our eyes.”

Once again the young camel asks a question: “Mommy, why do we have humps on our back?”

The mother responds: “ To survive in the though conditions of the Sahara.”

After hearing what his mother said he asks: “If all of this is for living in the Sahar


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Russian, American and UK special forces were assigned for a contest in the Sahara to bring one Camel to QH.

First the American Navy Seals, they sneak into the desert and after 3 hours they come back with a camel.
The UK SAS dispatch in the scorching desert, after 12 hours they brought a camel.
Russian elite Spetsnaz showing no emotions run into the desert. After 18 hours they came back, and they brought a half alive Elephant covered in bruises and blood.

Spetsnaz: Sorry we l


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What do you call a camel in a drought?

A Dry Humper

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I call my dick a camel..

2 humps and it spits

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What do you call a camel in a drought?

A dry humper!

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Camels

What do you call a camel that ate it's brother?
Camelbalism!

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A horny American man gets sent to the desert for a job

The desert has a total population of 50 people. After a couple months of his "dry-spell", the man seeks to find out if there's a way to "get the job done" somewhere in the desert.

He asks the locals around and they guide him to the "PIMP with the Camel". He immediately runs up to the PIMP and expresses his desire to have sex. The PIMP tells him: &quo


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Why don't they teach sex education and driver's education on the same day in Iraqi schools?

It's too hard on the camel.

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What Do You Call a Green Camel In a Forest?

Camelflage.

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Abdul and Achmed are wandering through the desert with their camel.

They’ve been wandering for a long time and had nothing to drink. After miles of walking through the desert, they come across an oasis. After Abdul and Achmed drank, they realized that the camel was not drinking. Knowing that the camel would die if it didn’t drink, they tried to get it to drink by having it drink water from their hands. This didn’t work. It still wouldn’t dr


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What would you call a camel that has no hump?

Humphrey.

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NOT A CAMEL

You know the little camel on the pack of cigarettes? They just found out that's not even a camel. It's actually a horse with a big, old tumor growing out of its mouth.

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What did the llama say to the depressed camel?

Don't worry, you'll get over this hump.

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A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the camel with you?" the tourist asked.


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What did the camel say to his sibling when they met for drinks?

Oasis.

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A man lost in the desert with his camel

Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have sex with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have sex with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he comes across a beautiful woman, she asks for some water and will give anything in return so he s


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What do you call a frog that lives in the desert

A camel toad

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And I said that not a camel that my wife

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