Busted

Jokes

I was writing an essay when Keanu Reeves busted in and told me that there's a bomb on my computer and if my typing speed fell below 50 wpm, the whole laptop would explode.

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Why was the mathematician arrested?

He got busted for running an illegal math lab.

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Some kind of animal busted a nut in my backyard...

Must've been a squirrel.

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A student wearing a hoody over his hat was instructed by a teacher to take it off in class

He busted a cap in the hood

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I saw Dolly Parton in Las Vegas yesterday

She left for the airport flat-busted

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A guy I know who is a personal trainer got busted for selling drugs.

I can’t believeit. I’ve known this guy for years and had no idea he was a personal trainer.

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Caught with gas

I saw a newspaper headline about a bloke in court after being busted stealing a gas bottle.

The judge gave him a suspended sentence.

The headline was: "Caught with gas, man let off lightly."

(true story)

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I was asked how I viewed lesbian relationships by my LGBT friend the other day.

After a few broken ribs, and a busted lip, I learned that “In HD” is the wrong answer

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I just saw in the local paper "Barber busted for dealing drugs" and I was amazed. I've been a customer of his for years

and I had no idea he cut hair.

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He baby did you fall from heaven?

Because your face is pretty busted!

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What did the police officer say when he busted the sadomasochists?

Everybody, hands up or no one gets hurt!

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Local Barber shop owner busted for selling weed...

I had no idea he was a barber.

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What did the cholo say when he busted a nut?

Sí mon

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I just busted a nut.

Tasted pretty good.

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We found the written confession of the arsonist and busted him right before he lit his last fire

Everything ended on a lighter note.

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Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots got busted for soliciting prostitution at a massage parlor in Florida.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, i heard it had a happy ending.

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An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

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The married couple were celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary

In order to spice things up, the wife took matters into her own hands.

She eagerly ran into the bathroom, put a robe around her neck and busted through the doors to her husband screaming,

"SUPER PUSSY!"

The man replies, "oh no thats okay, soup is fine"

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Jussie Smollett walks into a bar

No he didn’t.

...Oooo busted!

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Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

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Wisconsin

I grew up in Wisconsin and yes, there were farms involved during the occasional summer and winter vacation. Milkin' the cows before sunrise, chasing them across hell-frozen over or the surface of the sun to get them back in the barn.

Occasionally some would even bump/jostle or even fight within small groups to get the spot they wanted (or just because they were asshats). My last


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Fell and busted my ass on some black ice the other day. I thought it was regular ice at first...


But when I got up, my wallet was gone...

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Karen took all the kids, again!

Somebody once told me
My wife just doesn't love me,
Fucking Karen must have took all my kids

She was pissing me tonight
With her talking that's not right
So I hit her with force in the forehead

Well, the wife starts crying and she won't stop crying
There come the kids and suddenly start running
I've got a chance to j


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The disc drive on my DVD player is busted. I guess you could say it has...

Ejectile disfunction.

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A prostitute gets busted by a police officer.

As he’s putting her in the back of his car, she says to him “You’re sexist.” The cop is confused by this and asks her “Why is that?” She responds “When women get arrested for this, we go to jail, when guys do it, they only get 2 minutes in the penalty box.”


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Ted the bus driver was pulled over by a cop

He was busted

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A guy is visiting his cousins farm, getting the tour and such, sees a 3 legged pig.....

What’s with the pig with 3 legs?Ahh, that’s Jake and he is one special pig says the farmer cousin. I was out plowing with the tractor, got to close to the ditch and rolled it over on me. Jake broke out of his pen and ran out to the tractor where he proceeded to dig me out from under it, dragged me to safety then licked my face till I came around, he saved my life. Then there was th


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I have busted a nut so many times now.

Perhaps, I’ll switch to creamy peanut butter for a change.

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I had sex with a gay man yesterday and he busted his wad in my ear. NSFW

Now I fear I may have hearing aids.

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Yo mama booty so hairy

Don King busted out and said “ONLY IN AMERICA”

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Yo mama booty so hairy

Don King busted out and said “ONLY IN AMERICA”

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Yo mama so ugly...

when the Kool-Aid man busted through her wall, he said "OH NOOOOOOOOO!"

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Yet another kid was busted trying to bring a water gun to the waterpark

I'm so sick and tired of these pool shooters

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Why don't balloons do a lot drugs?

Because they think if they get to high they'll get busted.

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True story

My friend and I got lost recently in the Deep South where there was no reception. We found a guy in a old rusty pickup truck and asked him for directions. He had the thickest southern accent and he actually told us to go straight on this road and make a sharp left turn about 2 miles before the road ends!

He said a bunch more after that, but I had to get back in the car before I busted


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Today the authorities busted the local T-Rex shop, causing a huge uproar amongst the dinosaur community

Apparently he was a small-arms dealer

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V

V


Edit: Guys, something’s wrong here. I think my Ctrl key is busted.

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I bought a Carbon Dioxide detector and I think it's busted.

I can't even breathe without it going off.

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Recently it was discovered that a man named Ted secretly was a bus driver.

He's busted

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Did you hear about guy who was performing unlicensed circumcisions?

He got busted after the police received a tip off.

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Did you hear of the cop who arrested a crazy hooker after he banged her?

I guess you can say he busted a nut.

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Did you hear of the cop who banged the crazy hooker he arrested?

I guess you can say he busted a nut.

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NSFW A man busted his nut while flying...

You can call that a highjacking

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A peanut got arrested for robbery

The police busted a nut.

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Have you heard about the man who steals statues of famous people's heads?

He was busted!

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Whats whacker than a saltine cracker?

All you busted up motherfuckers hahahaha

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What did the squirrel say when he saw another squirrel get run over?

I hope he busted a nut before he died

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I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

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My wife said I was too big for anal...

She forgot to flush the toilet the other day so that myth is busted.

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Everyone in our little town was shocked and horrified that the local butcher got busted for selling drugs.

I had seen Pete once a week like clockwork for over a decade, never even knew he was a butcher.

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