Bust

Jokes

What do political opinions and a penis have in common?

It is rude to bust them out in public...

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There was once a sculptureer who couldn't sculpt hands for the love of god

Which is why every sculpture of his was a bust!

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Why did Lindsay Graham wrap his hamster in electrical tape?

So it wouldn’t bust when he fucked it.

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College Freshman Scott Demore set a new world record by using his head to bust a 142 eggs

and now he officially holds a place in the Guinness Book of Fuckin’ Retards

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I saw a cop pull over a U-haul

Clearly he was trying to bust a move.

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Do you know why you duct-tape a squirrel?

So it doesn’t bust when you fuck it.

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Guy gets off a long 12 hour shift at the mill

as he walks out to the parking lot to get in his beat up old pickup, he sees a high end sports car pull up with the exhaust crackling. It’s his boss inside. “nice car boss” he says. Boss says “ yeah it is and If you come to work every day, work hard and bust your ass I’ll be able to afford another one next year”


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What's the difference between a dirty bust stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and one's busty crustacean.

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What do you call a bust that doesn't bounce?

Anti-gravititties

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My wife slipped in the bathroom and her vagina stuck with suction to the floor tiles...

I couldn't get her up so i called my friend to help. He came in with a hammer and chisel to chip away the tiles. I said hold on a second, dont bust up the floor. You play with her nipples and ill kiss her on the back of her neck. Then we can slide her into to kitchen to do this. Those floor tiles are half the price on these ones.


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Vegan cafe that charged 'man tax' goes bust

[https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/handsome-her-vegan-cafe-melbourne-closing-a4124781.html](https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/handsome-her-vegan-cafe-melbourne-closing-a4124781.html)

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Chipmunks are the horniest animals.

They always bust nuts.

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Criminal organizations tend to be very environmentally conscious.

Considering how quick they'd bust a cap in yo ass.
How much they deal.
It means they've successfully implemented Cap and Trade.

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Got kicked out of my football team.

I quess they didn't want me to bust all of the players balls.

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Did you hear about the guy caught stealing a statue?

The robbery was a bust.

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What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

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A board member with powers of administration suffering badly from the wind

and wearing an ironclad brassier, pushed her bosom into my face while role-playing in my dank and dirty dungeon.

That's right, a gusty trustee thrust her rusty bust in lusty musty dusty custody.

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed and let the old man through.

The old m


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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed and let the old man through.

The old m


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What kind of moves does 242 year old ink bust out on the dance floor?

Indapendance

Fucking crucify me

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Ive been to Burt Reynolds park in Jupiter Florida, but there is no statue or bust of the icon.

They must have had a lot on their hands.

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Whats another phrase for taking a shit?

Bust a butt nut.

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TU PAC and Elvis

Tu Pac and Elvis run into Hitler in the secret Antarctic Bunker. TU Pac turns to Elvis and says “Bust a cap in his Nazi ass”. Elvis responds “that hound dog is going down”!

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When I see a 10...

...I hope to get a BJ.

I then get a 12 and bust quick when I hit it.


Blackjack blows sometimes

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A kiss is a must

For me to bust

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How did the catholic priest help the crazy man get out of the cave?

He had some miners help him bust a nut

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I was gonna do no-nut November

But my plan went bust.

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The Magical Mirror

A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure you were mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.

They of course didn’t believe her, but chose the by the mirror because they liked how it looked. Th


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Being that its Spooktober

I’m shocked that nobody said “bust a Slimer”

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They call me the cashew police

I bust nuts

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed and let the old man through.

The old m


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Michael Jackson, Jared Fogle, and Bill Cosby walk into a bar and see Chris Hansen.

Michael cautiously sits down.

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Jared hauls ass immediately.

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Bill casually sits down and says "He can't bust me. I only rape adults."

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Whats the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a rundown bus stop?

One’s a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bust station.

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What do you call it when you and your homie help eachother both bust a nut?

Cummunism

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Your boo decides to bust out the old-timey maid outfit tonight

They put your favorite porn on in the background, and they seem so happy that they made you cum so quick that you don’t quite have the heart to tell them that

It’s not the livery.
It’s the porno.

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The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver...

... and instructed him
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very
loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the
station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus
to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he
memorized it letter perfect.

Upon his arrival at the


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The Mrs and I had a huge bust up.

She screamed at me to pack my bags and GTFO.

I was all packed up and about to get out the door when she said "I wish you a long and painful death, you bastard!"

"So, what? You want me to stay now?" I replied.

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I just went to the Farmers Market.....

That was a bust. They all require 401k’s...

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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.

He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, bu


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There was a bust at the local shoe store today...

Turns out the owner was an Ugg dealer.

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I just ordered a realistic bust that looks just like me. I couldnt afford the full body option...

but I’m getting a head of myself.

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Chug some nightquil wait ten minutes

Then try to bust a nut before you fall asleep.

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When I was little, we were so poor that Dad had to bust a hole in the septic tank just so we could slip and slide.

It was a shitty slip and slide.

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I went to a museum, but all it had was one sculpture.

It was a bust.

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What do you call the police when they bust an albino drug ring?

Ghostbusters

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50 zlotys

Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank.
"Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes everything in your vault?"

"Oh, don't worry about tha


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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.

He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, bu


read more
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A man walks into a sculptors studio and says...

"I would like a bust in my image so how much would that cost?"

The sculptor says " woah you only just walked in the door and you are already talking prices, let's back up a bit"

The man replied " I'm sorry I'm getting a head of myself"

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How do you tell a pair of tits to take the wheels of your car?

"Bust, drive her"

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What is the gayest animal in the world?

A squirrel. They go through their whole life finding nuts to bust or to shove in their mouth.

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