Bury

Jokes

Why do you bury politicians a 100 feet down?

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Have you ever tried Rodeo Sex?

You get your wife on all fours and bury your dick well in to her.

Then you say you are not as good as your sister, see how long you can stay on.

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What's the worse thing about fcking a dead body?

You'll have to bury it later.

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Long A guy invites his to friends for a meal

When they arrive, the friends start eating and talking, and eventaully the topic comes to jobs
Guy 1 says: "i work as a doctor, and sometimes i see some dead people, but hey, it pays great!"
Guy 2 says: "you might see dead people at your job, but i see them every day at mine. I work at the garveyard and i bury people."
Guys 1 and to ask guy 3: "what'


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A ship wrecks on a deserted island. Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day, besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually, the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves, anymore, so they continue to have sex.

After a few days of sex they feel guilty of what they've been doing so they bury the body. (; [remember guys, its just a joke]

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I used to tell my dog to stop digging holes when we went to the beach

But he would just bury his head in the sand

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Bushwick Bill just passed away (RIP)

I heard the depth they'll bury him is "about six or seven feet"

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Where do you bury a hooker?

A prosti-tomb.

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I killed my girlfriend tonight...

Just kidding!

*On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know how to bury a body?*

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A farmer gets a phone call from his son.

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"


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I once blew a squirrel for $20,

He kept trying to bury his nuts in my mouth.

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When you came out of your mother's womb the doctor picked you up and said "aw look, it's a treasure!" then your mother replied to the doctor "Now let's bury it"

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Im gonna bury my parents laying face down.

It’ll save me any potential guilt down the line.

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Woman goes to the Priest to ask him to bury her dog in the church cemetery

He tells her "unfortunately, we don't do that. You can take him to the pet cemetery." But the woman pleads "Please, I just need to know I will see him again in heaven, so I need you to bury him in holy ground!" but the priest doesn't budge. "I'm sorry, dear lady, I just can't do that. It's not allowed..." Finally, after much crying, he suggest


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Hello there people who sort by new!

A young boy was digging a fairly large hole in his backyard when his neighbour saw him. The neighbour walked to the fence and asked,

Neighbour: Why are you digging a hole in your backyard?

The young boy: Im digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish.

Neighbour: Then why are you digging such a large hole?

The young boy: Because my dead goldfish is in


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The visit to Jerusalem

Mr Goldman & his nagging wife of 30 years once went on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Through out the plane ride, down to the taxi ride to the hotel she nagged him persistently.
While in bed , the nagging continued. The next day Mr Goldberg woke up to discover his wife had died peacefully in her sleep.
On contacting the funeral home, he was given two options. Bury his wife in Jeru


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Why do they bury dead lawyers 20 feet under?

Because deep down, they’re good people.

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If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?

Survivors are not buried.

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Theres a plane crash between the U.S. and Mexico. Where do you bury the survivors?

Why would you bury them? They are still alive!

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I met a nice Lich today.

He just wanted to settle down, bury himself in a good book, and raise a family.

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and an ex-girlfriend?

The former you bury with alcohol, the latter with a shovel.

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What did the farmer say when I dug a perfect 6810 foot pit to bury his dead donkey?

"Nice asshole."

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Why can't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.

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5 men and 1 woman are shipwrecked...

...on a deserted island. Food and water is aplenty so with nothing else to do they resort to sex as the only recreation.
After a month of constant sex the woman says:
"I've had enough of this" and kills herself.
After another month the men decide:
"Enough of this necrophilia" and bury the woman.
Another month passes and men decide:
"


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What is the better way to bury your mother-in-law?

facedown. So, if she wants to escape she get even deeper.

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Where do New Zealanders bury lobsided people?

Asymmetry

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I know a local cemetery whose custom is to bury lawyers 12 feet under

because deep down, they're good people.

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Whats the most busy thing on Earth?

A cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond.

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How do you bury someone who died of leprosy?

Are they incinerated or do you bury them as soup?

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John Dingle...

John Dingle, former Michigan congressman just passed away. No word on when the Dingle-bury will be.

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Offensive joke

Hitler was a good guy he employed thousands of people to help bury 6million jews after they spontaneously and mysteriously died at summer camps

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As my dad used to say...

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but if you ever return my car with an empty gas tank again I swear to god I’ll bury you in the backyard next to your mother.

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A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

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How do you bury a dead turkey?

You put GRAVey on it

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Why do nails come with heads?

So that women can bury something familiar.

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When a penguin dies, the other penguins bury him deep in the ice. They gather around and sing

“Freeze a jolly good fellow! Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

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What did the dog say to his girlfriend?

Can I bury my bone in your backyard?

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Where do you bury people with OCD

A symmetry

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Why'd they bury the fireman on the hill?

Because he was dead.

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I had a granny that we couldnt decide whether to bury or cremate

In the end we decided to just let her live.

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I'm a 40-year old with the body of a 20-year old.

Just need to find a place to bury her.

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"My dick just died."

She: It 'died'?

Me: Yeah, can I bury it in your ass?

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I thought Stan Lee would live to bury us all

Well he did bury most of the Avengers.

Ba dum tshh

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Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?

He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery.

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If I said you have a nice body would you...

stash it under the floorboards with the rest of them or bury it in a shallow grave?

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A plane crashes on the border of Canada and the U.S. Where do they bury the survivors?

Doesn't matter as long as they aren't caught

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What did the serial killer say to his son?

"I'm grounding you indefinitely"

Son: "Why? What did I do?"

Father: "It's what you DIDN'T do, kid. You refused to help me bury the hooker's body"

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Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi?

He's still alive.




(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren)

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Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...

I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

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NSFW I went up to a girl at a party and told her

My cock died and I need somewhere to bury it

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