Burst

Jokes

I guess Maroon 5...

Burst our bubble(bowl).

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There was this physicist who came to the ice cream bar every day

to buy two ice creams: one for himself and another that he offers to the empty spot next to him.

Eventually, the ice cream salesman asks him: "Why do you keep doing that?"

P: "Well... quantum mechanics teach us that it's theoratically possible for a girl to spontaneously burst into existence next to me and would want to accept my gift and be my girlfri


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My young daughter asked me this morning, Daddy! What were you and mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could here a buzzing noise and then mummy started to scream.

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A man ask his wife if their 7 year old daughter could get pregnant, his wife burst out laughing and says: no ofcourse not silly!

Thank god, said the man relieved.

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A Russian, an American, and a Canadian

A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

Both give him a confused look. After a few seconds pass,


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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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Three thieves were caught stealing from the palace...

The king decided to punish them. He ordered each of them to get 10 pcs of fruit. The 1st one entered the room carrying 10 grapes. "Insert it in your ass without laughing or you die!". By the time he was inserting the 6th grape he burst into laughter seeing the 2nd guy enter carrying 10 apples. In after life, the 1st guy asked the 2nd guy why he was here. "I saw that son of a b**** c


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Two dyslexics decide to rob a bank

They drew up the plans and had everything in order. The day came and they drove to the bank, pulled up in front and put on their ski masks on. They got out, burst through the front doors and screamed, "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

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The boss tells one of his jokes and everyone burst out laughing in the office. Except for one guy.

When asked "Why didn't you laugh?"
He responded " I don't work here"

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Three men wash up on an island, they find the natives, and the Chief says Each of you go into the forest and collect 10 fruits of one kind.

That all go rushing in to the jungle to get the fruit. The first one comes back with 10 apples. The Chief tells him to shove all 10 apples up his ass without showing any emotion at all, if he did so he would live if not he would be killed. The man got to the third when he screeched in pain, and all the natives shot him down with arrows. The next man came back with ten cherries and is told to do th


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I went to the doctors and said "I have this urge to be burst like a balloon while standing on fish skin"

He said "Hold on, I'll pop you on the scales"

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A man burst into the hospital's emergency room doors one day.

He ran to the receptionist, asking where Room 062 was. "To your right," she said, and off the man went. However, when he was about to enter, a doctor stopped him on the way.

The confused man asked, "Why are you stopping me from seeing my wife, doctor?"

The doctor said, "Because this webcomic is so trash it'll become a meme, Tim."


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Damn you, son

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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During sex this guy burst out of our wardrobe and said, "I'm sorry! Let me go unharmed for 50000".

We jumped at the offer.

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I hate first world problems.

Almost as much as I hate the burst tyre on my 2019 Range Rover.

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On my walk I saw a black man carrying a T.V

Distraught, I rushed home to check if it was mine.

As I burst into my house I let out a sigh of relief, for it was still there, polishing my shoes.

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I got really confused when my Jewish grandma burst into tears right as I left her house.

All I said was that I was going to summer camp.

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A tyre burst due to depression...

I guess he could not take the pressure.

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Today my son asked me "can I have a book mark"

I burst into tears, its been 9 years and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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My Friend Likes Classic Cars

The other day he picked me up for a ride in an old Jaguar.

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The gasoline/petrol gauge had stopped working and we ran out of fuel, so we walked to get a container of fuel from the service station. So as my friend was pouring the fuel into the tank, he spilled some on himself.

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So anyway, we got the car running an


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3 men were captured by an African tribe while on a safari

The tribesmen took them back to their village and said,

"If you can find 10 of the same fruit and bring them back here, we will bring you back to civilization."

The three men take off. The first one comes back with apples, and the tribesmen say to him,

"Fit all 10 of those fruits up your ass without making a sound, and you'll be free.&quo


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Im eating at a Chinese restaurant

So we’ve just finished our meals, and the waitress asked ‘would you like coffee’ and I replied ‘Yes’, and so she asked ‘white or black’ and so I replied ‘black’ and this woman, this old Chinese woman responded by tensing her arm, kinda like flexing her muscle with a big grin on her face and I just burst into tears


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Redditors walks in a bar

They sit with theirs beers, and then a strange talk begin:

"301548"

Some laughs politely.

"15298"

They nod with a smile.

And so on. The barman watch them, and don't understand. They keep telling numbers and giggling.

So he ask Bob, one of them : "Who are you, what are you doing ?


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Bookmark Joke

Today my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

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11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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(FYI I don't have a son and my name isn't Brian)

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Today my son asked me " can I have a book mark?" And I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Bryan.

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The government was making a law against breaking into peoples homes...

Santa burst through the door and said,

“How am I gonna deliver presents?”

So they made the Santa Clause.

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I heard Emilia Clarke had burst brain aneurysm. I blame Drogo

He must have popped her cherry... aneurysm.

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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw a block of cheese off me, they burst into laughter and I yelled

“That’s not mature is it”

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I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw some cheese off me, they burst into laughter and then I yelled

“That’s not mature is it”

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When did a gut feeling save your life?

When my appendix burst.

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A vietnamese contract killer named Pung burst into a bar and promptly murdered the 10 people inside.

Pung in, ten dead.

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A black man having little job experience decided to work as a waiter in a small southern town

One day several police officers walk into the cafe.

Try as he might every time he asks for their orders they all speak at once and it’s impossible to guess. What’s more many of them seem to be highly specific and personalised.

After many failed attempts it is late at night, well past closing and so he finally gives up and leaves, with them still waiting for f


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Paddy is in the bar.

He and his friends are sitting around a table, and decide to tell some jokes. One of his friends asks,

"Did you hear the story about the dirty window?" He asks. Paddy shakes his head.

"Well, I can't tell you. It's too dirty." Paddy finds this immensely funny, and leaves the bar straight away so he can repeat it to his wife. He gets home, out


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A gunslinger burst into a saloon and said, "My name is Amarillo Red!"

"but my friends call me 'Orange' for short."

and yes, today I learned Amarillo is Spanish for yellow.

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How is France like francium?

They both burst into flames when coming in contact with anything.

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In the 1930s, a guy joins the French Foreign Legion.

He's stationed in the middle of the desert in Algeria. After about 6 months there, he approaches his Sargent and says, "You know, I've been here 6 months and I was wondering . . . What do we do for female companionship?"

The Sarge replies, "About every 8 months a wild herd of camels passes through the area. That is when we get our pleasure."


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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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Person: Knock knock

Me:Who’s there?
Person:Allah.
Me:Allah who?
Person:Akbar.

*FBI agents burst through the door and pin you both to the ground*

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I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids.

She looked really stressed. Then she accidentally knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;

"Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."


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Did you see my comment about that burst balloon?

It blew up

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3 settlers are captured by Aztecs

The Aztecs said they could be free if they gathered 10 of the same fruit and then executed a task which would be revealed afterwards.

The first settler to come back brought 10 apples, and upon getting there learned that he had to shove all 10 of them up his bottom without making a facial expression. He did fine the 1st 2 but started crying after the 3rd one. The second settler saw thi


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A doctors burial...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate burial.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service .

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At this point, one of the mourners burst into laughter .

When all eyes st


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At a big penis award, just before the winner is handed out he trophy...

....the doors burst open and there’s a dude with no arms and no legs on a wheelchair. The announcer asks him who he came with, he replies “by myself”

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Hate to burst your bubble, but..

the mixture needs more glycerin.

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Knock knock!

Who's there?

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Dave.

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Dave who?

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\*Dave proceeds to burst into tears as his grandmothers Alzheimer's tears his family apart.\*

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The day after Thanksgiving someone wished me Happy Turkey Recovery Day

Sorry to burst your bubble, but those turkeys aren't recovering from yesterday.

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A crazy accident happened at my friends house

My good friend was having a party when suddenly I hear a loud crash from downstairs. One of my drunk friends had jumped on the glass table and his entire leg was bleeding. We quickly took him as fast as possible to E.R. He was told that they would have to do an emergency surgery and put these metal cogs in his leg. He was scared to death of those and refused to do the surgery. He died a few minute


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I heard two students of mine tapping there desk during a exam. One of them burst on crying when they were done. I think they are cheating can anyone decode

Student 1: -- -.-- / -- --- -- / .... .- ... / -.-. .- -. -.-. . .-. / .- -. -.. / .-- --- -. # - / .-.. .- ... - / -- ..- -.-. .... / .-.. .-

Student 2: .-.. .. --. -- .- / -... .- .-.. .-.. ...

Student 1: ... .... . / .-- --- -. # - / -- .- -.- . / .. - / -- ..- -.-. .... / .-.. --- -. --. . .-.

Then he burst out crying I already expelled but I would like


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Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

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