Bull

Jokes

A tourist in Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing.

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Three bulls walk in a field

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.


First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."


Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."


Third Bull: "I've


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One cow says to another Ive just been artificially inseminated...

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A man walks into a Mexican restaurant...

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What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

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To whomever broke into my shop and stole three hundred cans of Red Bull:

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

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Run Little Piggy! Longish

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A turkey was chatting with a bull I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I havent got the energy.

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I had to put a bomb inside a bull today. So I guess you could say hes

__*Abominable..*__

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How do you tell the difference between Donald Trump and a raging bull

Wave a Mexican flag, the bull will only charge at one side.

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What's the difference between peaceful pit bull and a pit bull that attacks a human?

You "can't identify" a pit bull that attacks humans.

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A 12 year old visited a doctor

A father and his 12 year old kid visited a doctor.
Doctor filled the form behalf of kid asking name, age, etc
Kid: responded accordingly.
Doc: are you sexually active?
Kid: yes.
Surprised father: WHAT? That's Bull shit..
Doctor: that's Bull shit.
Everyone in hospital: that's Bull shit..
Catholic priest: ahhh... mm.. argh.. yeah yeah..


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"The Russians wouldn't lie about radiation levels, would they?"

"Sure, no bull."

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Have some respect!

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Repost

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The Dive-Bar Dare

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a bran


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If you think riding a bull was hard...

Next time you have your girl bent over in bed, lean over and whisper in her ear, “Your sister is a better lover than you.” Grab on tight and see how long you can hold on.

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"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive o


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A farmer bought a breeding cow from the market.

It was a purebred and the farmer was very happy with the purchase. But when he took the cow to the bull for mating, the cow would just sit on its rump and not let the bull mount her.

The farmer was understandably upset, so he took the cow to the vet. After listening about the problem, the vet asked:

‘Did you buy it from Minnesota’?

‘Yes&rsq


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My gas station got robbed

My gas station is out of Red Bull because a robber broke in and stole it

I don’t know how they can sleep at night

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A man walks into a restaurant in Spain and looks at the menu

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice on what to get. "I would recommend the *cojones*," the waiter says. "Our house specialty. The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the cojones expecting some sort of typical beef dish, and he almost chokes on


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A pheasant was standing in a field

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant, 'but I haven't got the energy'.

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients'.

The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and foun


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A man walks into a restaurant in Spain and looks at the menu

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice on what to get. "I would recommend the *cojones*," the waiter says. "Our house specialty. The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the cojones expecting some sort of typical beef dish, and he almost chokes on


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A man walks into a restaurant in Barcelona and looks at the menu

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice. "I would recommend the cajones," the waiter says. "The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the *cajones*, expecting some sort of typical beef dish and almost chokes on his drink when the waiter brings two b


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I should change my last name to Bull.

But I'm not going to as it would make this a Terry Bull joke!

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A man goes on holiday to Spain and walks into a restaurant.

As he sits down, he looks up at the specials board. When the waiter comes over he asks, “Excuse me, what are *Huevos de Toro*?”

“Ah, this is one of our rarer specials”, replies the waiter. “They are the testicles of a bull that was killed in the ring today.”

The man orders the testicles and enjoys them so much, he comes back the followi


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Bull v cop

An undercover cop called at my farm in rural Dorset yesterday evening...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he s


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A Canadian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.



While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, meaning testicles from the bull fight this morning


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A zebra escapes from the zoo

After a while he arrives at a farm. He finds all sorts of new animals, and curious as he is he feels that he needs to know what sort of place he has come to.


First he sees some sheep eating grass on the field. He asks the sheep what they're doing.
"We are sheep and we grow wool that the farmer can use to make clothes", answers the sheep.



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A man travels to Spain for vacation and decides to go into a restaurant.

After sitting there for a while trying to decide what to eat, he sees a waiter bring out a bowl of soup to the table next to him.
He tells his waiter "I'll have what he's having"
The waiter politely explains "that is the bull testicle soup and we only serve it once a day after the big bull fight in the city".
The man is disappointed but the waiter


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A man goes to a Mexican resturant after winning big in Vegas.

He decides he is going to order the most expensive item on the menu. When the plate is brought to him he asks what it is. The waiter responds with "Its the bull balls from the bullfight thats held every week. Whenever the bull loses we chop his balls off and serve them as a delicacy." The man is skeptical of the food but eats it anyways and he loves them. So the following week he brings


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A man visits Spain on vacation and one day decides to go to a restaurant.

After sitting there for a while trying to decide what to eat, he sees a waiter bring out a bowl of soup to the table next to him.
He tells his waiter "I'll have what he's having"
The waiter politely explains "that is the bull testicle soup and we only serve it once a day after the big bull fight in the city".
The man is disappointed but the waiter


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"Big Bull" was sitting on top of a hill with his son, "Little Bull," looking over all of the cows down in the pasture. Little Bull said, "Hey Big Bull, you want to run down there and fuck one of those cows?"

Big Bull looked over at Little Bull and said, "No, I'm gonna walk down there and fuck 'em all."

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Long A rodeo clown and his brother are working a show.

It's the little brother's first time working the rodeo and is quite nervous. Once it's his turn to round the bull up back to the pen for the next bull ride, he slips while giving chase; allowing the bull to maul him brutally in front of the attendees.

The older rodeo clown jumps the barricade and assists his dying brother. The bull, satiated by his kill, struts back to


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What do you call a frightened bull?

A cow-ard!

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What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull

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What did the father bull say to his son when he left for college?

Bye son!

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A father bull is talking with his son. They're up on this hill and looking down on a bunch of cows. And the son goes to the father, "Dad, why don't we run down there and f one of these cows?" Father says,

"Son, why don't we walk down there, and FUCK EM ALL!?"

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A woman is going through menopause

Her friend tells her eating a bull penis can help with that. She goes to a restaurant and they serve her a meter long bull penis. They start slicing it up and the woman responds “Why are you cutting it? My asshole’s not a piggy bank!

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What's the difference between bovine nuts and the President?

They both produce a load of bull. But people swallow it when it comes from the President.

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What's the difference between bovine nuts and the President?

They both produce a load of bull. But people swallow it when it comes from the President.

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My mom pronounces boil like bull

Needless to say, that southern twang is boilcrap

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An undercover cop called at my farm in rural texas yesterday evening...

An undercover cop called at my farm in rural texas yesterday evening...

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.




“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.




The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have t


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My dad is 88 today. Here is one he used to tell all the time. Happy Birthday dad!

A farmer needed to castrate his bull.

After a search of many options including the local veternarians he decides to go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks from the case and explains that he will go to the rear of the bull and with one brick


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A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a few nights, there he was. Proudly perched on top of the


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A tall persons guide to answering bull crap

Q. Do you play basketball?

A. Do you play mini gulf?



Q. What’s the weather up there?

A. 100% chance of rain *spits*



Q. Can you reach that for me?

A. I can, would you like me to?

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What do you call a mean bull?

a bully

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What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

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A DEA officer called at my farm... I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs, he said.


“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The DEA officer exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the federal government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’l


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