Bugger

Jokes

A packrat decided to make a nest in my car's muffler.

By the time I got to the mechanic the poor bugger was exhausted.

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Saw a sign in a pet shop window today for a talking centipede, for only $500.00! I thought to myself, "What a bargain!" and I took it home in a little box...

When we got home, I opened it up and asked the centipede if it would like to go down to the bar for a beer, but the centipede didn't answer.

A couple of minutes later, I asked again, but still no response.

I started to get a little ticked off, thinking, maybe this little bugger can't really talk, so I shouted the question again.

Suddenly, the centi


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At my younger sons birthday party I was too loaded to hold the camcorder steady, so I handed it to his brother. He was recording the birthday boy watching my body abandoning a copious volume of drink. The cute little bugger asked to the camera.. OC

Why is daddy yelling at his shoes?

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The Three Bears come back from a walk...

And Papa Bear notices someone's eaten his porridge. "Oh no, somebody's eaten my porridge!" he says.

Mama Bear sees a bit of her porridge missing as well. "Oh dear, somebody's eaten my porridge too!"

Baby Bear runs in and says, "Bugger the porridge, someone's nicked the video"


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When I got pregnant people would always say 'eating for two now are we?'

I'd tell them to bugger off, I'm not cutting down.

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3 men are captured by wild tribesmen...

The tribesmen give the men two options: either they may choose 'Umbongo' or they must choose *death*.
The first man says: "Well, clearly I'll choose Umbongo". The tribe all roar with applause, drag the man away and savagely bugger him to death.

The second man takes a nervous gulp, and says "Well, I'm going to die anyway, I reckon I last longer


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Today I learned that it is actually Michael T Fox

He has a bugger or a time writing a T.

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An old bloke woke up, to celebrate 92nd birthday...

He spoke to his toes. He said, “Hello toes! How are you? You know, you're 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remember we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!”

“Hello, knees,” he continued. “How are you? You know you’re 92 today. Oh, the times we&rsquo


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Two nuns are sat in the park one quiet evening...

Two nuns are sat in the park one quiet evening and a vampire appears.

One Nun says 'quick show him your cross'
The other nun says 'BUGGER OFF YOU TOOTHY GIT WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A NICE EVENING!'

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I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.

I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving.

Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!

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Two nuns are sat in the park one....

Two nuns are sat in the park one quiet evening and a vampire appears.

One Nun says 'quick show him your cross'
The other nun says 'BUGGER OFF YOU TOOTHY GIT WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A NICE EVENING!'

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I've lost my Husband due to long-term illness...

I went blind 17 years ago, and the bugger still thinks it's funny to hide from me!

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How much did Jon Snow win on Jeopardy?

Bugger all. He knew nothing.

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What do you call a gay guy who is pulling above his weight?

A lucky bugger.

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Rick is attending his wife's funeral

Someone asks: Who rests in peace here?

Rick: Me, now that this stupud bugger is gone.





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Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."

”Bugger that!" says Mick. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

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