Broke

Jokes

Pol Pot was in his palace...

Pol Pot was in his palace in Phnom Penh one day when his lieutenant came in and told him that a plague had arrived in the west of Cambodia. The lieutenant told him that on the first day, the plague victims became covered in pustules and boils. On the second day, an incredible fever started which never breaks. On the third day, without exception, the victim was dead.

Pol Pot was extrem


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

1st day in 1st grade.

I didn't knew anybody on my 1st day in 1st grade. After a few minutes I saw a really cute girl and approach to her until a random kid walked infront of me and said,"Yo, that's my girlfriend". The whole class went into a laughter. My mind puzzled and I decided that the only logical thing to do is punched the asshole in jaw. I punched him with full might and yelled,"Fuck yo


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Someone broke into my house and stole my limbo stick.

How low can some people go?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a psychic midget that broke out of jail?

A small, medium at large.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just got back from vacation. It looks like somebody violently broke into my room looking for something and left papers and thrash everywhere.

Perfect. Everything is just the way I left it.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Melting butter on the stove when the cops broke down the my door.

Charged me with putting a stick in a non-stick pan.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I once dated a girl with exotropia, but we broke up...

...I found out she was seeing some other guy on the side. :(

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A teacher was teaching Science to her class

She said, "Technically, most plants which are not poisonous are edible. That is one fact that you must remember."

A boy named Dumas asked, "So, you mean that plants like the balsam plant, bamboo or rose are all edible?"

The teacher nodded.

Last I heard, Dumas' parents were suing the school after Dumas broke most of his teeth trying to


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It could be worse

An angel said to another angel who broke their halo that it could be worse.

A rich man who was divorced from his wife said to himself that it could be worse.

A mom told her son whose xbox broke told him it could be worse.

A poor person who broke their arm said it could be worse.

Two devils were down in Hell talking about their shitty situation, w


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend

He keeps asking for another shot

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

To whomever broke into my shop and stole three hundred cans of Red Bull:

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My russian girlfriend broke up with me

I did not understand

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My ruler broke today, so my friend let me use his broken one.

It was a half measure.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I broke up with my girlfriend because she lied to me about being a vegan...

Ff8nsfw Then I caught her with another mans meat in her mouth. I don't like liars

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I loaned my girlfriend five hundred dollars a couple years ago. Today she gave me the money back.

I broke up with her because I lost interest in the relationship.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Mike Tyson say after he dropped the soap in jail?

I broke my ass. My ass is broken. Anal.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Cant believe some people broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick.

How low can you go.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A mime friend of mine got arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the obese couple broke up?

Because they simply are not working out

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When The Joker dressed up as a nurse in Gotham General, how did he get the information as to what room Harvey Dent was staying?

He broke into the hospital financial records room and read the health ledger.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was taking steroids

I was so mad that I threw her car in a lake

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Can't believe somebody broke into my house last night and stole my limbo stick.

How low can you go?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

V

V
Crap my control button broke

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My overweight girlfriend broke up with me to focus on her courier delivery services company

FatEx

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Actually happened I went to the dentist to have a tooth whitened and she broke it off at the gum.

At least it wasn't a penis enlargement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A blind man walked into a bar

and broke his nose

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A joke told by a priest today

The father of a marrying age girl, and the local law man, told a suitor to either go to jail or marry his daughter.

The man gave in and got married.

Years later, at dinner with his wife, the man broke down crying. His wife asked what was wrong, and he said,

"Today is the day I would've been released from jail."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So when I pee the bed...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend told me she wanted it to feel like the 60s

The sex was good until the lava lamp broke.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife wants to move

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man in Lake County IL broke his back the other day.

Doctors say he may never Waukegan.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It wasnt fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"Doctor, I broke my leg!"

"Why the Hell did you do that?"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I called customer service when my Dyson broke

And they said sorry, nature abhors a vacuum.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My stupid alarm clock broke last night.

I woke up and it said "404".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yo momma so fat..

She broke the branch in her family tree!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I accidentally broke someone's radio.

Now they won't stop giving me static about it.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I broke up with my chiropractor girlfriend.

She was too manipulative.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

WANTED: a specialist in repairing brooms

My mother-in-law broke hers and now I have to drive her around

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man walks into a bar...

It broke his nose

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My Xbox, PS4 and Switch all broke on the same day.

I'm inconsolable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear the one about the guy who escaped prison covered in wasps nests?

He broke out in hives.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I ate a clock the other day

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

V

v

​

\*Edit- sorry, my ctrl key broke

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I once dated a girl who was into really rough sex....

One night she got really rough and I ended up crying. We broke up and a few years later she started dating women, but she still refers to me as the first pussy she has ever fucked.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you know the moon is going Broke?

Because its down to its last quarter

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist.

It was so obvious even her name was sharron

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How many police does it take to change a light bulb ?

None the just break the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend borrowed $597 from me. After 8 months, when we broke-up, she returned exactly $597.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand, I'm fine.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE