Breathe

Jokes

How do Australians breathe?

They exhale

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Why do people have asthma?

Just breathe.

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I told my girlfriend "IT'S AN EMERGENCY! I CANT BREATHE..!!"

"....I cant breathe out my bum!!!"

So I asked her to give me the Hindlick manoeuvre.

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Studies show that breathing Oxygen creates violence.

Studies have shown link between breathing and violence. The average person breathes for around 168 hours a week, and what do criminals also do. Breathe. Our young are being corrupted by this new oxygen. Defend your children, stop breathing.

\#StopBreathing

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The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is approachable, the young man decides to engage the CEO in conversation.

"That'


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Why couldn't the system programmer breathe?

He refused to open windows.

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If water is 13 oxygen then why do people think drowning is a bad thing. Just breathe the oxygen smh my head

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I dont breathe

I s u c k a i r

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One day a blonde went to the hairdresser...

The blonde ordered a trim but insisted that she absolutely could not take off the headphones she was wearing. The hairdresser declined and kicked her out of his barber shop.The blonde kept repeating the same request at different hairdresser’s until one finally agreed. As she was getting her trim the blonde fell asleep , the barber took this as an opportunity to take off her headphones , so h


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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant

🤪😂🤪🤣

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes he


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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins


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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins


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Keanu good

Keanu Reeves is my nose . I breathe through him . I'm breathtaking too .

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Turns out my demons can breathe alcohol, so Im fucked.

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Pollution will make our air too toxic to breathe if our governments don't take action soon

But I'm not holding my breath

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What did the elefant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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Found this on Facebook

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "


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I can't breathe

No, I am literally choking

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Love is in the air

Too bad that I’m Piscis tho, I breathe water

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A hedgehog learned to breathe through his butt.

When he sat on a tree stump he suffocated.

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What did the red grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!!!

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Studies say its hard to breathe fast while your tongue is out

Good dog

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Can you breathe while smiling?

Yes, I just wanted you to smile

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Why do crocs have holes in them?

So that children can breathe when they choke on them.

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You cant breathe through your teeth while smiling.

Jk, i just wanted to make you smile. Spread the love.

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Boy, these allergies are the worst

So I'm one of those nasal spray people now, but I missed my nostril and shot it straight in my left eye.

It burned for a few minutes, but the good news is now I can breathe perfectly through that eye-hole.

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An Iguana can hold it's breathe for up to 28 minutes

or longer if you don't mind it dying.

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There are two important holes in a woman's body.

No not those holes you dirty minded flank. I'm talking about her nostrils, so she can breathe while sucking dick.

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What are the two most important parts of a woman

The nostrils you perv. They are important cause she can breathe while sucking dick.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe! Breathe!

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A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.

​

Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

​

“Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

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Why did the drunk kill himself?

He need breathe Asian.

Idk, whatever explains his suicidality.

Have a good night.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

BREATHE!!!!

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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What kind of food causes you to breathe fire when you're sleepy?

A filet mignon

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What did elephant say to a naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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A blonde walks into a hairdressers

She asks the hairdresser for a trim. The hair dresser asks her to take a seat but tells the blonde she needs to remove her headphones.

Blondie insists she can't remove them and the lady will have to do the best job she can.

After a while the hairdresser gets frustrated and says, "sorry ma'am but I really need you to remove your headphones in order for me to


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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe with that thing?

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Once upon a time there was a penguin that breathe by his ass hole

One day, he sat down.
And then, he died.

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Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

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Two hillbillies walk into a restauarant

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"
The w


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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing?

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A King and Queen are having trouble conceiving a child...

So the king starts holding his breath. When the Queen asks him why he says, "How can I breathe when there's no heir?"

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Did you know you can't breathe while smiling?

Just kidding, wanted to make you smile.

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I met a Monk I disagreed with.

He was talking about how the essence and the fruit of life is in one's mind, all I needed to do was breathe, and I cut him off. It was rather rude.

You're a monk ey?

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What did the Green Grape say to the Purple Grape?

Breathe you fool! Breathe!

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What did the Green Grape say to the Purple Grape?

Breathe you fool! Breathe!

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?

“How do you breathe out of that thing?!”

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?



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How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

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