Break

Jokes

What do you get when you break into your school to make a heterogeneous mixture?

A suspension

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If my inlaws break a bylaw, does it make them outlaws?

Would any lawyer be in a preposition to answer this one for me?

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What 4 laws did Ilhan Omar break?

Campaign financing law, immigration law, marriage law and sharia law.

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The end of relationships should be called break downs not break ups.

Then you both get on the floor and do the dinosaur.

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Two Chinese guys

Two Chinese guys break into a distillery. One of them says-
"is this whiskey?"
To which the other says-
"yes it is but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

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If you lock a US Marine in a room with an anvil ....

... He will either break it, lose it, or get it pregnant.

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Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

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Inappropriate.

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Hello and welcome to the neglect helpline...

Would you mind waiting for an hour while I go on my lunch break?

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My wife was out so I thought I would have a crafty wank.

she came back and caught me by suprise so I jumped out of bed to hide and ran straight into the wall, you never fully understand the phrase ''adding insult to injury'' untill you run at a wall with a hard on and break your nose first.

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A man is lost in the desert. After a day of wandering through the dunes, he comes across a merchant pulling a cart.

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I run an acting class.

I told a disabled student to break a leg.

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every play needs a cast

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How do you break up a fight between two blind guys?

Say the other has a knife

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If you break a rectal thermometer in your butt..

Does it make a sound?

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Today my wife and I decided we want to have kids

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What do you get when you break up in the restaurant ?

A water f*ck ?!

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Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg"

Because every play has a CAST

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Alcohol bad for me I used to get an allergic reaction to it, I would break out in handcuffs.

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Epilepsy Test

You shoes my sister an epilepsy test video and now she is teaching me to break dance

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Epilepsy Twst

I shoes my sister an epilepsy test and now she is teaching me how to break dance

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Two Chinese fellows break into a distillery. One says to the other, is this Whiskey

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Why do you never invite polar bears to parties

Because they never break the ice

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What do parents in Israel say to their kids when they break something?

Why'd Jew do that?

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George Carlin, 30 years ago

"There was a Quasimodo look-a-like contest in the park today. Police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly."

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True story..

Got drunk as fuck last night, so drunk I thought I hit on my ex wife. Called her this mornin asking if I hit on her, "No, you straight up asked me to fuck." Goddamn sorry, drunk me wants to get his dick wet and apparently doesnt care what sober me had to deal with. Drunk me is an asshole, fucking woke up one morning thinking drunk me left a few shots, mutha fucka poured water in my vodka


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Break ups in China are the worst.

You see your Ex`s face everywhere....

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My last break up almost killed me.

Well, she gave me aids.

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I don't want to be average.

I don't mean that in the average "Break the wheel, don't be the norm, etc." I mean the average person has less than 2 arms, and less than 2 legs. I can't imagine only having a left arm and a left leg.


To me that's just not all right.

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Why did they name it the Brexit?

They should have gone for the Great British Break Off!

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Why cant they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?

They had to give the donkey a break at some point

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Two guys go to a toy store

Guy 1: Whats this?
Guy 2: Thats a puzzle, you break it and try to put it back together
Guy 1: Oh! I already have a puzzle, it's my relationship with my wife

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Elmer Fudd and Daffy Duck break into a bank...

Elmer says "I willy think that joke about the distillery was wascist..."

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Two London dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other is this Whiskey?

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Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other is this Whiskey?

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A banjo asked a fiddle to marry him. "Don't frett," he said. "Just duet and we'll live in harmony until the end of time."

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Don't you hate those messages that reward you for forwarding it and speak of impending doom and bad luck if you dont.

Please send this to only 5000 people in your friend list and the man/woman of your dreams will come into your dreams.

Please do not break this chain as those who have not forwarded it have had their mom/dad come in their dreams.

Remember you have to forward this entire message to at least 5000 of your friends. Partial forwarding or sending it to lesser people will result


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How many police does it take to change a light bulb ?

None the just break the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger.

A few minutes had passed and the whole
trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma-"

"HOLY F*CKING SH*T!!!! The driver


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Like how when people in France use their thumb when starting to count on their hand, us Americas start on our third finger.

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What should happen after you rape a deaf girl?

You break her fingers so she won't tell anyone!

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How did my MacBook break?

Water damage.

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A blonde girl manages to break her door and takes it to a carpenter to get it fixed

Blonde: Could you please fix this for me?

Carpenter: Sure, but if you're here someone could rob your house

Blonde: Oh but how would they enter, the door is with me!

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She: we need to break up

He: but why?
She: for starters I can't take your jokes anymore.
He: and for main course?

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I found out that my girlfriend is a member of the kkk

I won't break up with her because her head is on point

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A Pair of Rabbits

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A Jewish man ran into a wall with an erection, what did he break?

His nose.

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What did the man say to the dominatrix when he needed a break?

"I gotta get some shit off my chest."

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Why did the antisocial ship sink?

Because it couldn't break the ice.

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Why is suicide illegal in most countries?

Because the government do not want you destroying their property.

Tea break is over.

Back to work citizen.

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