Brave

Jokes

If you are brave enough:

Everyone is old enough.

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Was At The Clinic The Other Day

Walked into a waiting room where this maniac was screaming at his child. I had no context on the situation, but after awhile seeing the poor kid wasn't doing anything I realized the lunatic was just being a pain to the rest of us. I decided to get brave, looked the child's mother dead in the eye & said:

"Ma'am! Are you gonna let this jerk talk to your abort


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If there's one thing the moon landing did it made household names out of 3 incredible, brave men

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and...the other guy.

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A very beautiful woman...

A very beautiful woman was standing near my office staircase. Sadly I wasn't brave enough to ask her out.

So I decided to escalator

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Theres a millionaire who throws a party and proposes a wager...

He walks everyone out to the backyard and shows them a pool full of alligators and says "anyone with enough guts to go in there for 30 seconds can ask me for anything money can buy".
The crowd awes but there are no takers.
The party continues outside and after sometime someone jumps into the pool. Fighting and screaming he manages to stay in the pool with the alligators for


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It's a good day to be courageous...

...4 June favours the brave.

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Son: Dad, im the best in my class. In fact, im the only one brave enough to answer one of my teacher's question. Dad: And what is that question?

Son: My teacher asked who didnt do their homework

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"So, how was your holiday in Africa?"

"Don't remind me," says the other, "I very nearly got myself killed!"

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"Go on, what happened?" he asks.

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"Well, I was hiking in the savannah when a lion appeared out of the blue and started chasing me. I ran for my life, but the lion kept getting closer and then just as it wa


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My girlfriend is a brave girl, a creative person and a beautiful soul.

But I was dumped because they met.

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Whats one thing you can say at The dentist and during sex?

You’re pretty brave for a six-year-old

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A young Indian boy and his father are sitting in a teepee. The child asks his father,Father, how did you decide what to name me and my brothers?

His father replies,”Well son, as soon as you are born, I hold you in my arms and we walk outside to show you our land. When your eldest brother was born, I see a majestic soaring eagle, so I name him ‘Soaring Eagle’. I took your second brother and we saw a herd of bison, hence the name ‘Brave Bison’.


Why do you ask, ‘Dog Taking a Shit’?


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What's a dildo?

Anything if you're brave.

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What's one thing you can say to your GF and your wife during sex

You're pretty brave for a six year old

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A Tale of Bees

I heard a story once about an ant colony next to a small stream. Things were great for the colony there. They had lots of food and no one around to bother them. Everyday the ants would go out and collect food for the queen then relax and cool off in the stream. But one day when the ants got back from collecting food the stream seemed a little smaller than the day before. At first the ants were wor


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You must have pretty Big meatballs.

One plate of spaghetti is jealous of another plate.
“Damn bro! You look like you can take on the world.”
“I know,” the brave plate responds.
“You must have pretty big meatballs then.”(normal joke ends)
(Anti-joke ending): “I know. It’s a problem. Please someone just eat me!”


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What's the difference between America and Canada?

One one of them's the land of the free and the home of the brave and the other one's America.

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Meghan, Duchess of Sussex wrote messages of support and empowerment for sex workers while on an unannounced visit to a charity with her husband Prince Harry. The Duchess scrawled messages including "You are loved" and "You are brave" onto bananas.

More proof that Americans have a great grasp of irony.

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A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and its 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself


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Paramedics and first responders are so brave. Even knowing full well that snitches get stitches

they will still narcan drug user who overdose.

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What Home Has the most cockroaches?

The home of the brave, even if they build a wall, they will never get rid of them

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Me : a simile would be like "brave like a bull" . Best friend: " then what's a metaphor"?

Me: "My life is a trainwreck"
Friend: . ." I know.....what's a metaphor?"

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People say what Bruce Jenner did is really brave

It doesnt take that much balls to do it.

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Feminists are angry that having balls mean being brave and being a pussy means being a chiken

but I honestly can't see why they are being a dick about it.

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I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...

I was Nun the Wiser.

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Dad joke... Indian drummer

Cowboys are sitting around a campfire when they hear dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, one cowboys says to the others, I don't like the sound of that drum... A indian brave hollars from the woods.. we don't either but our regular drummer is out sick.

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My great-grandfather warned everyone that the Titanic would sink

He screamed that the ship would sink, but nobody would listen.
He was a brave man. He did not give up. He warned them again and again... until he was kicked out of the cinema.

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What do you call a cow that isn't brave?

A COWard(sorry)

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Women are finally being allowed to join the SAS!

About time as well, there's no way those brave lads should be cooking their own meals.

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Threats to say when youre a pregnant woman

- If I can squeeze a baby out of my vagina I can squeeze the life out of your puny little body
-If I was brave enough to fuck without a condom I’m brave enough to commit murder
-After I pop out this baby, the only pussy left here will be you

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He's A Brave Man

They Are Chasing Him Like A Bunch Of Pussies And He Is Running Like A Lion

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What do you call a Scotsman with diarrhoea

Brave fart

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Bring me my red shirt!

The lookout sees a pirate ship sailing their way. The captain shouts to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate brings the red shirt and the captain puts it on, and when the pirates try to board, the brave captain leads his men to victory. A few days later, the lookout screams, "Two pirate ships!" The crew is shivering like scared mice. But the courageous capta


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What do you call a guy who fucks bitches in front of his wife?

Brave.

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A friend told me they saw a blind person abseil down a skyscraper.

I thought "Wow, that must have been one brave golden retriever."

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They say you are what you eat.

I must be very brave then.

Because I'm not a pussy.

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A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: - "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read in the newspapers: Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".


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Everyone is brave until

the roach starts flying

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I had a genetic test done...

I learned brave men run in my family

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Which one is more brave, a stone or a stump?

A stone, because it’s a little boulder.

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What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?

They're both Po-Lice.

* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

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Who is brave enough to find new friends while facing a gun?

Jessica Fletcher

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A hospital director catches up with a patient running bare foot from the building

Why did escape from the operating room? said the director

Because the nurse was saying: " it's ok be brave, it's just appendicitis it's a simple operation..."

So what? she was just trying to reassure you...

She was talking to the surgeon!

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Young brave wants a squaw

So he goes to his chief and says “I want squaw.”

His chief tells him “no, too young. You see tree over in field with little hole in it?”

The young brave says he does.

His chief says “go practice on tree for two full moons, and then you ready for squaw.”

The young brave does and comes back a few months later. H


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How brave are wrecking cranes?

They've got balls of steel.

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Never Trust An Indian

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather." She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking.


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Little Jeffrey tells his teacher: "When I want to grow up, I want to be big and brave like my dad, I just have to be funny."

"How would being funny make you brave?" Asks his teacher.
"One time," Begins Jeffrey, "We were being burgled and my parents came home from dinner, they hadn't noticed somebody broke in and they were just chatting and my dad told my mom a joke!"

"Then what happened?" Asked the teacher.

"They heard someone laughing fr


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The bottom suddenly falls out of a plane.

All passengers hold themselves up in the conveniently placed assist grips.

The usual jingle is heard through the speakers, as the co-pilot speaks slowly and clearly: "Just now, all of our fuel has been used."

The frightened passengers look at each other.

The pilot speaks again with heavy breathing: "We need to lose some weight to assure a saf


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Daddy is a hero!

Because he saved mommy from death.Mommy could have died and go to heaven if daddy wasn’t so brave. It all happened last week in theor bedroom. Mom yelled “Oh god, im coming, im coming!” I was afraid. I didn’t want mommy to die!
I ran to my bedroom crying! Mommy’s legs were up in the air! God was trying to pull her to him. Mu brave father was over her and pulled


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Anything's a dildo

If you're brave enough

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Parapsychologists

I just want to take this moment to give a shout out to parapsychologists, the only folks brave enough to jump out of airplanes to provide emergency counseling.

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