Boyfriend

Jokes

Amish Sex

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.

The daughter said to her mother, "my hands are freezing cold".

The mother replied, "put them between your legs and your body will warm them up".

The daughter did, and her hands were warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her bo


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Two blondes are having an intimate conversation...

blonde 1: my boyfriend has dandruff, what can I do to help him?

blonde 2: give him head and shoulders.

blonde 1: OK but... how do I give him shoulders?

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NSFW A girlfriend tells her boyfriend that she thinks she is ugly. The boyfriend tells her that he thinks she is beautiful, but he can see why she thinks that.

The girlfriend gets offended and storms off into the other room.


A couple hours pass, and the boyfriend gets off his Xbox and walks into the kitchen where the girlfriend is located. He takes off his shirt, and proposes sex to his silent girlfriend. Looking for a way to get back at her boyfriend, she says she's down, and as they are walking to the bedroom she secretly grab


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Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend?

He's super clingy.

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My boyfriend told me he wants me to be a body builder....

So I told him I was pregnant.

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Boyfriend: The World is flat

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A bartender broke up with her boyfriend

He keeps asking for another shot

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I told my boyfriend I was bi-sexual....

He *buys* me food, and I'll get *sexual*.

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I want to have sex with you

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A blind woman tells her boyfriend that shes seeing someone.

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My sister was balling her eyes out cuz her boyfriend was cheating on her

You could say she was having a cry-sis

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Did you hear that the drag queen named Dorothy left her boyfriend?

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Last night during sex, my boyfriend said that Im really fucking tight

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(Credit to my boyfriend) Did you know doors can only have female children?

They don't have sons, only door-ters!

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What's something you can say to Dwayne the rock Johnson but not your boyfriend?

Hi Dwayne the rock Johnson

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A boyfriend comes over to ask for approval to marry their daughter.

The father is very skeptical and asks "Son, how much do you make a month? Is it enough to support my beautiful daughter?" The boyfriend shyly replies, "well sir... it's about $300 a month." The father is furious at this offer, "300??? That's not even enough to cover toilet paper! You absolutely cannot marry my daughter!" The boyfriend is taken aback and shou


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Hey, Do you have a boyfriend?

She: Yes

Well, now you have two

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A girl asks her boyfriend to see his tattoos

Bf: I want to see yours first

Girl: why?

Bf: tit for tat

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I just found out my girlfriend has a boyfriend at the office..

So I started to ask around the office, found out he's not too wise.

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I recently asked my boyfriend how bisexual he was.

He answered 50/50.

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My boyfriend is trying to set a world record in masturbation.

Do you think he can pull it off?

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Getting a random call at 1 am from your boyfriend asking to see your boobs then not wanting to explain why... turns out he wanted to know if everyone had nipple hair... I love him but damn, you woke me up for this ?

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Im not gay...

... but my boyfriend is.

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Girlfriend: everyone from the club is calling me a slut

Boyfriend: go to a club where nobody knows you

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I came home and took it really easy.

And my Boyfriend came home and took it really hard.

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My ex just moved in with her abusive new boyfriend.

Makes me want to go over there with my golf clubs and blame it on him.

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Girlfriend says "I want to talk to you, should I just post it on reddit instead?"

Boyfriend "It will never get to the front page so you better just tell me"

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What did the HiV ve boyfriend say to his girlfriend?

Aids Mubarak

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My wife told me she had to dump her ex boyfriend to get married to me.

They haven't found the body yet.

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VSCO Girls

no one:

vsco girls: look at my hydroflask and shirtless pics of my quarterback boyfriend

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Boyfriend moving in...

Him: Can I set up a cloning machine in the basement?

Me: Sure, make yourself at home.

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My boyfriend is a huge fan of Harry Potter

He always wears an invisibility cloak

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My boyfriend cheated on me so I stole his wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back to me?

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What did a boyfriend said to his girlfriend when he was licking her vagina and tasted semen from a horse?

Aha, this was the way you died grandmother.

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A teenage potato brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents. "So, what do you do for work?" asks the inquisitive father potato. Oh, I work for a TV company as a sportscaster." The father potato is furious and tells the boyfriend to leave immediately.


“Why did you do that daddy?!” shrieks the distraught daughter, eyes wide.

The father shouts, “I’m not having *my* daughter hanging around with a commentator!"

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What do you call it when a boyfriend is teasing his hot girlfriend too much?

Thot provoking.

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My 8 year old daughters joke: What do you call a cell phone with a boyfriend?

No single.

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My wife was calling out my name during sex the other night.

I hear her boyfriend is pretty upset about it.

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My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be true love, haven't seen her for weeks.

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Why did a girl dump his boyfriend when he revealed that he doesnt have toes?

Because she was LACTOSE INTOLERANT

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Dammit. I'm a bad person. My wife is now filing a divorce because I cheated on her

With her boyfriend

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Dammit. I'm a bad person.My wife is now filing a divorce because I cheated on her

With her boyfriend.

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Today my wife filed for a divorce

For cheating on her with her boyfriend

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Why did my gamer boyfriend break up with me?

I didn’t meet his xboxtations.

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Golf Jokes

I was golfing today and I decided to share some jokes my dad told me.

I was putting and I only putted half way to the hole and my dad looks at me and said, “nice put, does your boyfriend golf too?”

Also a good thing to ask someone while they are teeing up is, “do you breath in or out on your back swing?” It’ll mess em so bad


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"My boyfriend was slept with by you!" I heard one girl shout at another in the mall.

"Your reputation will be ruined by this! YOU'RE GONNA BE KILLED BY ME!!"

"Why is she talking like that?" I asked my friend.

"Oh, don't mind her," he said. "She's just really passive aggressive."

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A doctor drives by a small town

He stops at a gas station and notices there is no one there.
A little kid passes by and tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is a the funeral of the owner's daughter.

Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night and goes to the funeral.

When he gets there he goes in and looks at the open casket and notices that something is wrong.


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I had sex with my cousin

Ya I was doing it to my girlfriend and she was doing with her boyfriend in a different bed in the same room

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My boyfriend was so pleased with himself that he came up with this one.

I was complaining about the humidity and I looked over to see him snickering.
Me: oh lord what is it now?
Him: My girl be like humidity sometimes because they’re both 100% moist.
Me: you’re banned from making anymore comments.

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I felt the need to order a laser sight for my rifle.

I have been missing my ex-boyfriend a lot lately

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