Rabbit, Turtle, and Buzzard all lived together in the desert.

I asked the doctor what my life expectancy was.

He said, "Financial troubles leading into a long-term bout of depression before an inevitable death."

An Irishman gets falsely accused of theft...

So an Irishman gets falsely accused of a theft. He is taken to court and charged.

The prosecuting attorney walks in, and begins telling the court about the alleged crime, making up all sorts of stories to make the Irishman look guilty.

The Irishman eventually gets fed up and jumps to his feet. "Now look 'ere laddie, who in da 'ell do ye think ye are telli

---

I asked the doctor what my life expectancy was.

He said, "Financial troubles, leading into a long-term bout of depression before an inevitable death."

What's Up-Doots?

Not much, how bout you?





I'll see myself out.

We cant have flying cars because yall cant keep yall damn tanks off E... falling out the sky talkin bout I know my car

Porn is a lot like a fight between Mike Tyson and some guy in a pub

It's never gonna last the full bout, and 99% of the audience is only there to see one of the players

Just saw a post on Instagram...

...that said for every repost, they would give a meal to a Sudanese child...how bout you just give them the fucking meal you clout seekers.

Adam and Eve walks in a bar

Serpent bartender: what will you both have?

Eve: apple martini please. Stirred.

Adam: rib eyed steak for me. Oh, and make it well done.

-several minutes passed-

Serpent: here ya go. that'll be 200 bucks

Eve: how bout a blowjob for payment? *winks*

-the serpent was bewildered and Adam looks at his wife with shock and

---

Adam and Even walks in a bar

Serpent bartender: what will you both have?

Eve: apple martini please. Stirred.

Adam: rib eyed steak for me. Oh, and make it well done.

-several minutes passed-

Serpent: here ya go. that'll be 200 bucks

Eve: how bout a blowjob for payment? *winks*

-the serpent was bewildered and Adam looks at his wife with shock and

---

Two Roman kids are talking about the scores on their finals.

Kid 1: Ugh, what did you get bruh
Kid 2: Not bad. How bout you?
Kid 1: I got a C on it.
Kid 2: You fucking try hard!

Being unable to will myself over a bout of strep, I realize there's a limit to the force of determination.

I suppose it's good to have Amoxicillin.

I asked my ollady if she wanted to do a 68,....she asked, whats a 68?

Well you blow me and I owe you 1! She said how bout a 77?, i said a 77?, ya that way I get 8 more!

I noticed that people under the age of 20 are strongly gravitating towards 60s classic rock by well-known bands, such as The Who.

I'm not trying to cause a big sensation, I'm just talking 'bout my generation.

What did the winless fencer say when he lost another bout

"Curses, foiled again!"

Reminiscing my life 5 years ago

Was a bit of a loner, not that i kept to myself or anything like that, i just couldnt manage to make friends no matter how hard I tried.

My 24th birthday came and decided to go out
and celebrate, on my own of course.

Met some group of friends that night, we got along pretty well and they invited to hang out with them next weekend.

Started dating one of

---

The hole

The residents of a southern town keep falling down a deep hole in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street and always end up dying because the nearest hospital is 40 miles away. The mayor calls a town meeting to address the issue and asks for suggestions.

"We need our own hospital!" says one local.

"That's beyond our budget," answers the mayor.

---

A preacher moves to a new neighborhood...

He rides his bike around the neighborhood checking it out, and comes across a little boy with a lawn mower and a for sale sign.

Preacher:Why you selling the lawnmower?

Boy:I'm tired of mowing, I want a bike to ride around on.

Preacher:Well I just moved here and I need a lawnmower, how bout you trade me the lawnmower for this bike?

The boy ag

---

How bout a limerick?

There once were two girls from Birmingham.

I know a story concerning 'em.

They lifted the frock

And diddled the cock

Of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.

​

But the bishop was nobody's fool.

He gone to a fine public school.

He lowered his britches

And

---

I was gonna tell a joke about Mexican food

But now I don’t want to taco bout it.

Home Sweet Home...

So I’m bout to go on vacation & my step sister’s been begging me to go to Alabama with her...so I told her yea for sure let’s do it, if you incest

So how bout that airline food?

It’s not an airline, and it’s not food!

I was assaulted at my local Mexican restaraunt

I don’t wanna taco bout it

'ayo, Faliurcia lursten urp you might really appreciate the writings of one Mr Tolkien..

He always talkn bout hobbittches

Tell me what happened that night?!

"what night?"

That night!

"Oh... That night"

**Yes!** We're talking bout the same night, right?

Three girls were in a bar

Three girls were in a bar talking a bout how loose they were, the first could fit a cucumber, the second a squash and the third slid down the bar stool

I heard some of the jokes on this subreddit don't sit to well with y'all...

How 'bout some stand up comedy instead?

Had a bout of depression after I became prolapsed

I was really bummed out

Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their tablecloths are 100% cotton.
The

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What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals?

One is a fitted sheet...

I was bout to make a sodium joke but...

Na

After last's night heavy bout of drinking, I've contracted the AIDS

Alcohol Induced Drippy Shits

What do you call an orgy on a rond-a-bout?

A sexual revolution

A man is on the elevator

When suddenly the doors open to reveal a gorgeous blonde. As she enters, the man looks her up and down before blurting “Hey!”. Surprised and wary, she replies “Hello..?”

He looks her up and down again, pauses for a moment, then asks “Would you have sex with me for $10,000?”

“$10,000!” She says, as she looks him up and down.

---

Redneck speeding in Georgia gets pulled over by the state police. Cop says Boy you got any ID Redneck says bout what?

What did the tortilla say to the depressed cow?

Wanna taco ‘bout it?

What the hell is gonon!?

Nothin’ much. How ‘bout you?

A redneck is in his trailer park bragging to his friends about his recent trip to New York.

He says, "I was walkin' down the street, and saw this place called a sex shop. I was curious so I went in and the place was loaded with rubber women!"

One of the redneck women speaks up. "Did they have rubber dudes?"

The country bumpkin thinks for a moment, then says "Ya know, I ain't too sure bout rubber dudes, maybe they sold out. But

---

A hillbilly is in his trailer park bragging to his friends about his recent trip to New York.

He says, "I was walkin' down the street, and saw a store called a sex shop. I was curious so I went in and there were rubber wimmen everawhear"

One of the hillbilly women speaks up. "Did they have rubber dudes?"

The country bumpkin thinks for a moment, then says "Ya know, I ain't too sure bout rubber dudes, maybe they sold out. But I tel

---

My nan told me when she was younger she never had to worry bout leaving her back door open

The slut

I just had a nightmare about Mexican food.

I don't really want to taco 'bout it.

What did the British woman say when she found out her son was smoking?

Oi you like suckin on fags huh? While fine how bout ye suck a whole carton of fags!

Have y'all heard 'bout the Hoover Crips?

They still Dyson with death.

Are you knockedtha?

cause you bout to get knockedtha fuck out

I went to Jamaica to get "Wendy" tattooed on my penis

She was the love of my life.

I was looking at the finished work in the bathroom when another man came in to pee and much to my surprise he also had "Wendy on his dick.

"Excuse me. Was Wendy also the name of the love of your life? You see that's why I got this tattoo."

"What you talkin' bout mon?" He said as he stretched out

---

I feel really frustrated, I bout a few dozen chickens under the premise their eggs would be worth a fortune.

It’s been a month now. They haven’t laid eggs they’ve only done really loud wake up calls every sunrise, and they fight a lot.

My Penis

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes

---

After years of silence, what did Lance Armstrong say to reconcile with his doctor?

“Hey Doc, how bout we give it another shot?”

Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?

Ah well, we won't go over it then.

What weighs more 50kg of iron or A 50kg women

The women cause females always lie bout gow fat they are