Bound

Jokes

What is the average cruising speed of a windshield-bound bug?

Lickety-SPLAT

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My husband died of natural causes, and I was arrested for it.

Yeah I pushed him off the roof, but gravity is natural, so it was bound to happen.

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The business man who moved to nsfw

A high powered business man moved to the mountains to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life.

For months the only person he saw was the man who delivers his mail.

After 8 months there came a strange knock on the door, when he opens the door, there stood a giant man with a huge beard and arms the size of the business man's torso.

He says with


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Give me all your dead horse jokes.

About 20 years ago was the first time I heard a dead horse joke. Since then, I have searched for that original joke, and have been unable to find it, so I'm here to ask you guys to post the dead horse joke you heard, and maybe, one of you will accidentally type the one I'm looking for. Of course, repetitive typing of dead horse jokes is bound to happen, so to allow for "beating of d


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What do an old-timey encyclopedia and a fat chick who's into BDSM have in common?

They are both large, leather-bound volumes.

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Why is the new Apple monitor stand bound to fail amongst Australian Catholics?

It's priced at $999


[Seen on r/Apple thread]

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Never make a hummus based joke on a first date

It’s bound to get your chick p’d off

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I set a wheelchair bound kid on fire the other day

I call it “Hot Wheels”

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Confucius Says:

Man who drops watch in toilet is bound to have a crappy time

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Chinese Proverbs

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.


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So I saw a kid getting bullied at my school today...

I would've stood up for him, but I'm bound to a wheelchair.

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Three hunters are lost in the woods, and their prospects aren't looking good.

The three men have been trying to find their way out for hours, but none of the landmarks look familiar, and they're starting to get desperate. Finally, one man remembers his Boy Scout training and says, "Fire three shots in the air, and someone will come find us!"

So they fire three shots and wait for a full hour. But when nobody shows up, the first man says, "Try


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What did the wheelchair-bound software developer say when asked to speak at an Apple Keynote?

"Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."

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Yo mamas such a slut...

She’s the only woman with testicular cancer. She’s always got a dick in her mouth, it was bound to happen.

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JOSEPH FRITZL: Why don't you write a book about basements you can't escape from?

It's bound to be a best cellar.

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Why did God reveal himself as a flaming bush to Moses?

...You're not supposed to question the Bible, hell-bound infidel!!

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Communism was bound to fail...

there were a lot of red flags.

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A woman brings eight year old Johnny

home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them, they're bound to be curious about sex at this age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary"s mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"


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My friends attitude changed ever since he was left wheelchair bound

He used to be a stand-up guy

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Communism was bound to fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

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A recent accident has left me wheelchair bound. I'm a burden to my family and my morning bathroom routine is torture...

I can't stand to look at myself.

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My wife found out that I've been having bondage sex with the neighbour's daughter.

She confronted me yesterday and asked how I could have done that to her. "Well," I said, "she roped me into it. My hands were tied and besides, it was bound to happen eventually." She looked at me, disgusted. "What?! She gave you a child too?!"

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What did the stubborn, fabric-bound book say to the leather books?

I will not be suede!

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My dad's favorite joke that he created

Warning: this joke is not good in any way

Three men go on a walkabout vacation in the outback of Australia. They have never been to the continent, and unknowingly tresspassed on aboriginal grounds.

Towards dusk, they are ambushed and kidnapped by aborigines. They are taken back to thier village, and bound while the aborigines prepare for the event.

With all t


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Which company does the former wheelchair-bound nun work for?

...Virgin Mobile

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Chinese Proverbs

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next


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I like my men like I like my books

Well read and bound in leather.

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Bound to offend some but hey what. What do you call a gay dinosaur?


A Mega Sore Arse

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A Florida Man...

There’s no joke here but I know you clicked it cause it was bound to be crazy

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A criminal was tied up by the Police and he said

"This was bound to happen.'

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Valentine's day gift

So three guys bought gifts for their girlfriends...
"What did you buy for Carole?"
"Well, I got her a necklace and a pair of earrings... If she didn't like the necklace, I'm sure she'll like the earrings!"
"What about you?"
"I got Nancy a nice bracelet from Tiffany's and a ring... She's bound to love the bracelet


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Want me to show you the best joke in the world?

Find the closest mirror.







Now stop looking at the mirror and look at any of my other jokes. They are bound to qualify as the best.

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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are adventuring in the jungles of the rainforest

Upon entering a clearing they are suddenly ambushed by a remote cannabalistic tribe. They are bound, gagged, and marched into the village.

They old tribe shaman emerges from his hut and approaches them slowly. He squares up to the brunette, cuts her bound wrists and says with broken English "we kill you, we skin you, we eat you, we use skin for canoe. Last request?" The bru


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Traditions

A young man was listening to a story from his grandfather.

"Back in the homeland whenever a newcomer was found to be a criminal we had a tradition."

"What was it grandpa?"

"We would send them back the way they came bound to a horse, with a list of their crimes hanging from its bridle."

"Why dont we do that anym


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What does...

What does a cake, a producer in Hollywood, and a flat earth have in common?

Someone is bound to believe in them.

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Why shouldnt you shortchange a skunk?

It’s bound to make a stink.

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Curious about sex...

A woman brings 8 year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8 year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them, they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"


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A woman brings 8 year old John home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctor with Mary, her 8 year old daughter.

John's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them, they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

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You know urine trouble, when You see members of the KKK, Black Lives Matter And Westboro Baptist Church together at the RNC...

They are bound to piss each other off.

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I like my women like I like my books.

Leather-bound.

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How do you entertain a pussy?

I don't know the answer but if you work up a sweat it's bound to come.

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Confucius says

Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok

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My local bondage club was robbed last night...

we were all left bound and gagged.

We absolutely loved it.

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Tonight you will be bound and beaten until you almost loose consciousness and your tear ducts are dry

Sorry wrong sub

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Confussedcius Say Compilation

Confussedcius Say man who make mistake in elevator is wrong on many levels

Confussedcius Say man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time

build man a fire warm for rest of his day, set man on fire is warm for rest of his life

Confussedcius Say man is like spider, bound to have sticky hand after being on web

Confussedcius Say man who dri


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Lego introduces a wheelchair bound minifig.

He lost his mobility after stepping on a lego.

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If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer.

You're bound to find hot shingles in your area

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What did one end of the rope say to the other?

We were bound to get together...

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Difference between a 14 year old girl and a Volvo?

I don't have a Volvo BOUND AND GAGGED IN MY BASEMENT

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Ain't no one fucks with ol' chinese men.

A man was hiking, and suddenly he stumbled upon a little house. From the house came an old chinese man, who greeted him and said "you must be tired. Feel welcome to eat and sleep in my house for the night. But there's one thing: If you sleep with my daughter, then i shall punish you three times."
"Fine, thank you" the man said, but then he saw the chinese man's


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