Bottom

Jokes

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

​

Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yesterday, I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.

I've officially hit rock bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three Flies Return from Vacation

They get together to talk about their individual vacations.

Fly 1: I went to the mountains and buzzed on sweaty people hiking!

Fly 2: I went to the ocean and buzzed on people trying to tan!

Fly 3: Guys, my vacation was SO weird! First, I found this quiet little pond. So calm, so peaceful. The water was so clear I could see to the bottom! All of a sudden it go


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

How did the chicken cross the road?!

​

WHO IS THE CHICKEN?!?!

​

I swear I'll get to the bottom of this cluckspiracy!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I once hit the ass of a stone statue with a beer bottle.

Yeah, I've hit rock bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three flies are in a jar.

Three flies are in a jar, a male and 2 females.

One of the female flies starts freaking out. "How am I going to get out of this jar?!" The male fly says, "I can tell you how. Give me a blow job and I'll tell you." She gives him a blowjob. He tells her, 'Ok to get out you need to fly down to the bottom of the jar, then back up to the top as fast as you can


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do guys who like big asses always seem to make the right stock trades?

They're very good at finding the bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do guys get pee all over floor at a urinal? Do they have such small penises that its hard to aim? I dont have that problem...

I just put it in the bowl and fill it from the bottom up.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon.

They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call 1,000 lawyers chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

They say it's a mystery how the pyramids were built

But it seems obvious to me - they probably started at the bottom and worked their way up.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Gay sex is just like a hamburger...

You have a top, a bottom and some meat in the middle.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"There was a young chaplain from King's, who talked about God and such things..."

"But his real desire, was a boy in the choir, with a bottom like jelly on springs."

-Stephen Fry

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does an Australian call the bottom of his shoe?

His soul, mate

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I assume your brother has a fine bottom

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does the new Italian navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Italian navy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I found out my wife was cheating on me with the local abseiling instructor...

They both let me down until I hit rock bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Would you fall for this one?

Grandfather: Did I ever tell you about the time I fell off a 60ft latter?

Grandson: No. Were you hurt?

Grandfather: Nah, I fell off the bottom step!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why is Europe like a Frying Pan?

Because it has Greece on the bottom...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?

Give up? A mountain.

Yeah but what about the ears?

You never heard of mountaineers?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does the ocean roar?

You'd make a lot of noise if you had crabs on your bottom too.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A elderly couple is slow dancing on a cruise ship when the woman goes overboard.

The boat spends the next day looking for her, but when nothing comes up they have to go back to shore. The captain tells the husband the boat's going back with a rescue team to search for his wife, and if they find anything they'll call.

A few days later the husband finally gets a call from the captain. He says, "We found your wife at the bottom of the ocean. But when w


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Polack goes to the eye doctor

he asked if he could read the bottom line of the eye chart, which showed: CZYNQWSKI. To which the Polack responded; "Yeah, I know the guy."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear the one about the guy on the toilet with all the buttons??

He looked at the array of buttons in bewilderment as he finished his business. He sees one labeled “WW”and decides to test it out. He pushes the button and warm water gently shoots out and washes his rear. Delighted, he moves onto one labeled “WA”. He pushes it and warm air flows from the toilet and dries his bottom. The next button he says says “PP”. Hesitant,


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was a competition at Sydney's center point tower.

Whoever could drop their watch from the tower, get to the bottom and then catch the watch will win $100000. A man from Western Australia tried his luck by dropping his watch and running down the stairs (if there are stairs). He picked up his broken watch and left. A man from Queensland dropped his watch from the tower took the elevator to the bottom and searched for a watch repair shop. Finally, a


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So I was told Id only get a pay rise if my annual review went well...

... boy I went home and gave my bottom the best cleaning it had had for ages.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding...

The cop is going over the whole routine, license and registration. He asks the man what he does for a living.

Guy: I’m an asshole stretcher.

Cop: excuse me, how do you do that?

Guy: you start with a finger, then work another one in till you have a whole hand in there. Then you slowly work the other hand in and keep going til it’s stretched to ab


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What lies at the bottom of an ocean, shaking?

A Nervous Wreck

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why the blonde girl went to the bottom of the sea

Because she was watering the the seaweeds

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a bottom enlisted in the naval infantry?

>!A submarine!<

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If "Top Gun" were any more gay...

It would be "Bottom Gun"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man named his son Rock Bottom

he ends up in jail a few years later for domestic abuse. his wife visits him and asks him through tears: “What happened? Why are you here?” The husband says: “I’ve hit Rock Bottom”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did Sherlock Holmes smear lemon curd on Dr Watsons bare bottom?

It’s lemon entry my dear Watson.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I like my women like I like my tea

Cold and on the bottom of the harbor.

Have a great 4th of July!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Bunk bed sex

Two friends Muyo and Haso go on holiday in Nigeria, but the room has only bunk beds. So they are arguing about who sleeps here and arrange that Muyo sleeps bottom and Haso sleeps top. They go in bed the first night and fall in deep sleep, but there is a gang that operates near the hotel. They go in their room feeling horny and say
\-"We gotta fuck someone, the bottom bed is easier to


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.

The cat was feeling quite happy, so since the water wasn’t that deep, he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and
ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put both front legs into the po


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Today a kid asked me if I've ever been slapped in the bottom

I told him I'm only ever a top.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Today a kid asked me if I've ever slapped a bottom

I told him "how can I slap what I already am?".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does the new Italian navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Italian navy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Gays are a huge pain in the ass

Maybe I shouldn't bottom next time

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

NSFW If God designed woman from the chest up, who designed the bottom half?

A black man: big lips and smells like catfish.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does an Australian call the bottom of his shoe?

His soul mate.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you slap Dwayne Johnsons ass you just hit rock bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

For every upvote Ill spank a naked statue.

Because karma whores like me have hit rock bottom.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Death comes to collect a mans soul.

When he gets to the man’s home, he sees the man and his family are in the middle of party. Death tells the man why he has come.

The man begs death to spare him but death insists that he must start at the top of his list and his name is first.

The man sadly agrees but asks death if he could at least finish up the party with his family. Death agrees and they invite


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE