Bother

Jokes

The Real Joke

Is probably going to be in the comments, so why bother typing it up here

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I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said Final Notice. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

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One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex.

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One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex.

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I told my friend that my wife wanted to emigrate to the states.

He asked "which state?"

I said "Alaska."

He said "Don't bother. I'll ask her, myself."

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I found my first grey pubic hair today.

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Doctor: Does impotence bother you in your day to day life?

Patient: It hasn't come up.

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A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someones shoe

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If youre planing on getting a rescue cat,

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I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bother heating it up."

I raised my eyebrows. "Queso raw,


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Canada is our quiet neighbor next door. They keep to themselves, don't bother anybody. Very polite.

They're probably planning to come down and shoot us all.

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A father comes home after a long day of work, excited to eat the piece of cake he had been saving.

He opens the fridge, and sees the cake missing. The plate that the cake was on was still in the fridge, but it was empty!

He calls his four children to the kitchen.

"Which one of you ate my cake?"

The mother shakes her head and says "don't bother asking, no one ever takes blames in this house! When have any of the kids said 'me'


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Left over Ice Cream

We made home made ice cream for my Mother in Law's birthday. The leftovers went home with my bother in law.

Next day, to his son, after looking for the ice cream and not finding it;

"Did you you eat all the Ice Cream?"

"No! I ate the rest of it!"

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A man was visiting a monastery and took a guided tour with the head monk.

As they walked through, the head monk pointed out all of the different activities going on.

"This is where we make the bread. We grind our own flour."


"This monk is taking a break from his work to pray."


"Here is the garden, where we grow all our own food."


"This is our animal barn. We raise


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Does it bother you when people answer their own questions?

It bothers me

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My blind bother wanted to tell you guys a joke, so I'm going to hand the phone to him.

Hdh8ruei292039 ok 4m4nrbr rbrh4jrjfnr f d d ds susbs s sbsjxjd disks
Sbsbs dndkdidiidd Ridii8

Hehsue ksiro oss9u3.

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My bother and I inherited some furniture from a local zoo.....

.....I got the lion’s chair.

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My friend has a pet bee. I said doesn't it bother people in the house?

He said no it's very well beehived.

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My friend of mine keeps a pet bee at home. I said doesn't it bother people in the house?

He said no it's very well beehived.

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I went to the music shop to buy a violin, the assistant said "Do you want a bow as well?"..

I said "Don't bother wrapping it"...

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GroceryStoreJoke.exe

While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
“Don’t bother, young man,” said the customer. “It’s self-rising.”

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Emergency call

A man phones up the vet in the middle of the night to tell him his pet dog has swallowed a condom. "You've got to help," he cries. "I don't know what to do."
"It's rather late," said the vet. "But as it's an emergency, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"What should I do in the meantime," says the owner.
&


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I got another letter from this lawyer today, It said Final Notice.

Good that he will not bother me anymore.

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A chemist fell and broke his leg. His friend tried to help, but the chemist told him "Don't bother, you couldn't even move me a Cm."

He knew his friend couldn't Curium.

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A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas....

A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas as it was in heat and needed to have sex to calm down. There is no male gorrilas currently fit to do the job.

The zookeeper calls up his friend him on the phone and says "Here Jim I've got a real problem one of my gorrilas is in heat would you shag it for me?"

Jim replies: "Aah, I dunno what if my


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Monkeys are pretty rude....

They are our distant cousins yet they never bother turning up at family weddings or send Christmas cards.

Just made this up.

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Drive home

Fiancé : I can’t believe you said “don’t bother” when my dad said he’d be there in spirit.......................................................
“I don’t want ghosts at our wedding Karen”

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Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school.

Fred is all excited: “Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbel


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OC I sexually identify as the right to vote.

Woman use to fight for me, but now only like 12% even bother.

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How bout a limerick?

There once were two girls from Birmingham.

I know a story concerning 'em.

They lifted the frock

And diddled the cock

Of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.

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But the bishop was nobody's fool.

He gone to a fine public school.

He lowered his britches

And


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I am not going to bother writing a real joke here

I am not going to bother writing a joke in the post title or the post description.

Because the legend says that the real joke is always in the comments. I want the credit for the real joke so I will write the real joke in the comments. I hope the real joke puts a smile on your face.

Now, there will be others trying to take the title of real joke. But let me tell you thi


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Why is a tinder hookup like a sharebike?

You use an app to find one, you usually just go for whichever is closest, you can pick one up at any hour of the day, you only ride it once or twice, you never bother using protective wear, it doesn't really matter if you break it, and when you're done you dump it on the street for someone else to have a turn.


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People in San Francisco dont bother locking their front doors because...

They expect a rear entry

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So my little bother is struggling with his studies...

So my mom said “If you don’t study you will be eating fillet o fish instead of fillet mignon.”

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NSFW A young man goes to his local pub and orders 3 large whiskies

The barman says "everything ok?"

The man drinks the first and says "yeah, I've just had my first blowjob."

And immediately drinks the second.

He picks up the third and says "it was a big one" and drinks the last of his drinks.

The barman says "Congratulations. I'll buy your next one."


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A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel stuck in his pants.

The bartender says, “Doesn’t that bother you?”

Pirate: “Arghh, it’s driving me nuts!”

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A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."

He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."

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A Girl and Guy are laying in bed...

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Hebrew."

He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being a Shebrew."

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A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."

He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."

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A man and a woman who had never met find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and
she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second


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I usually love animals

but my sisters dog peeve always seems to bother me.

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A guy wins the lottery. So he decides to live his life like rich people. What does rich people do ? They play golf, so he goes to a country club to play golf.

He didn`t know anything about golf. Didn`t bring a caddie . After an hour of struggling/playing, he gets lost. Didn`t see anyone until finally he sees a girl and asks her.. “ Sorry, to bother you, but I dont know where I am, could you tell me ?”.... “Sure, you are in the 5th hole, Im in the 6th, so you are one hole behind me”... “Thanks”..... One hour later, h


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My wife said that hanging out with my guy friends every weekend, taking my truck to the dragstrip then spending a paycheck fixing it, surprise butt stuff and even cancelling our dinner date to hangout at Tods place didnt bother her too much, our relationship is too solid.

I still wish she didn't tho.

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What's the difference between a small problem and a machine that suffocates you?

One's a spot of bother and the other's a bot of smother.

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What's the difference between a small problem and a machine that suffocates you?

One's a spot of bother and the other's a bot of smother.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

While waiting to place their order, they busy themselves by watching soccer on the bar's TV, when suddenly the TV stops working, playing static noises and displaying black and white dots.


The Englishman, lifting his phone, says "I'll call a repairman."


"Don't bother, " says the Scotsman. "I'll fix it myself.&q


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Emergency Call

A man phones up the vet in the middle of he night to tell him his pet dog has swallowed a condom. "You've got to help," he cries. "I don't know what to do."
"It's rather late," said the vet. "But as it's an emergency, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"What should I do in the meantime," says the owner.
&q


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My Wife Asks Me "It's freaking winter, how does the cold not bother you?"

I said "Let it go".

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Meanwhile in Alabama

A girl asks her bother to fuck her, the brother accepts and they go in his room. While the brother was doing his job the girl says "You know, you dick it's bigger than daddy's" the brother responds "Yeah, mom said that too"

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The bag of flour

While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.

“Don’t bother, young man,” said the customer. “It’s self-rising.”

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