Borrow

Jokes

Want to Be Remembered By all After You Die??

Just Borrow money From all of your Relatives Before Dying.

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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you up.

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I have only three words

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A man went into a library and asked to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: 'Oh fuck off, I know you won't bring it back.'

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A frog walks into a bank

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Why should you never ask Rick Astley if you can borrow his Pixar movies collection?

Because he's never gonna give you 'UP'.

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A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a f


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Pessimist

You should always borrow money from a pessimist because they will never except it back.

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My friend asked to borrow a Pixar movie yesterday.

I told him "Never Gonna Give You Up"

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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you UP.

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CHRIS: Hey, can I borrow a ten?

**KRISTEN**: sure

**CHRISTEN**: thank you

**KRIS**: anytime

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What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

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A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.



The man says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The loans officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys and documents of a new Bentley Continental, parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the


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Two friends are having a chat in a bar.

Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: sure.

Christen: Thank you.

Kris: Anytime.

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No one should own a beautiful a woman

Borrow her for a while— just like the house you once owned.

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No ones a beautiful woman.

You are just lucky enough to borrow her for a while like the house you once owned.

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I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos

Now they won't post m'loan.

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A man walked into a bank to borrow $50,000.

"That can probably be arranged", said the bank officer. "But that is a lot of money. I'll need a statement from you. "
"Ok," said the man, "you may quote me as saying I'm very optimistic."

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My friend asked me if he could borrow my deodorant. I replied,

“if you must”

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My friend asked me if I had the old Blu-ray discs.

I told him yes

He asked if he could borrow them for a week because his in-laws are visiting and their kids have nothing to watch and his internet is down. He asked me all kind of kids movies.

I said to him," You could have anything but I am never gonna give you Up"

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The Religious Horse



David wants to borrow a horse from his neighbor, Jack.

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"Sure you can borrow my horse," replies Jack. "But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say 'Thank God', and he stops when you say 'Help me God.'"

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So David gets on


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I let a blind man borrow ten bucks.

He told me he’d pay me back the next time he sees me.

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My friend kept asking me if he could borrow an uplifting Pixar movie.

In the end I just gave Up.

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How to borrow two rulers.

So I went over to my favorite teacher class and ask-
Me: "Mr Long can I get two rulers?"
Him: " Sure no problem" ( grabs rulers out of desk)
Me: "Thanks needed for a test"
Him: (thinking he is funny he says) "Hey don't mind the mark at 10 inches"
Me: "No problem! Why do you think I asked for two rulers"


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I locked my keys in my car outside of planned parenthood

Should I go in and ask them to borrow a hanger?

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Why should you never ask Rick Astley if you can borrow his complete collection of Pixar movies?

Because he’s never gonna give you ‘Up.’

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This guy in my chem lab was so polite today . . .

When I interrupted him to borrow his scale, he said that if it happens again, he will tare me a new one.

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Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

LHer dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste’s l


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Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

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You know who would never let you borrow their topiary?

a hedgehog.

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Report card



**Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."**
**Son: "My friend just borrow! ed it. He wants to scare his parents**

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Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because he’s always a little short.

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I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I said "Fair enough You can have 'Toy Story', 'A Bug's Life' and 'Finding Nemo' but I'm never gonna give you 'Up'".

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The daughter walks up to her dad and asks to borrow his car. (NSFW)

Girl: “Hey dad. Can I borrow your car?”
Dad: “You can borrow it if you dropped to your knees and suck my dick.”
Girl: “Ew! You’re my father, I’m not gonna suck your dick!”

Few minutes go by and she considers her dad’s request as she really needs to borrow the car.

Girl: “Fine dad, I’ll suck you


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A frog enters a bank...

...and hops up on the desk of the loan officer.

''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer


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West Indies

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

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Gimli was going on a date last night, so I let him borrow my hair gel and my shaving foam.

And my Axe.

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Hey Ryu, can I borrow your car for tomorrow's tournament?

# SHURE-YOU-CAN!!!

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Boiler gave birth.

One day, a guy needs a boiler and goes to his neighbor for borrow a boiler. After cooking, the guy returns it to neighbor. Neighbor looks in boiler and finds another boiler in the boiler. Neighbor asks to the guy: “what the fuck is that”, guy replies: “boiler gave birth!”

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An anesthesiologist asks his colleague, "Man I borrow some chloroform?"

"Knock yourself out."

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A girl wants to go see a movie with her friends, but she doesn't have a ride.

So she goes to her dad and asks to borrow the car for the night. He says, "Sure, you can borrow the car, buy first you have to give me a blowjob." She whines and cries, but he doesn't budge.

Eventually, she relents and agrees to the task. She gives his dick an initial lick and says, "Ew! Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"

He smacks his forehead an


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May I borrow this boxing glove?

"Knock yourself out!"

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Can i borrow your chloroform?

***go ahead, knock yourself out.***

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A man walks into blockbuster and asks the cashier, "can I borrow batman forever?"

To which he replies, "no, you'll have to bring it back next week"

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Heres one my grandpa used to tell my mom and my mom used to tell us. (Ive taken some artistic liberties to modernize it a bit.)

A man was driving down a country road when one of his tires went flat. He went to look for his tools and saw that part of his set was missing. He had a full spare and jack but his tire iron was missing for some reason. The man looked off in the distance and spied a farmhouse in the distance. With no other readily available options he decided to head up the road and ask the farmers if he could borr


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On Borrow time

A man goes to the doctor after feeling under the weather for a couple of weeks.

The doc comes back after a round of test and tells the man to sit down.

Doc: “I’m afraid I have some bad news, you have a terminal disease and don’t have very long to live”

Patient: “Well how long exactly”

Doc: “10”


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Rick Astley will gladly let you borrow his Pixar collection.

Except Up. He's never gonna give you Up.

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A frog goes to the bank to get a loan.

He hops up to the desk of Patricia Whack, one of the bank employees, and says, “I want to borrow $500,000.”

Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot.”

The frog says, “It’s okay. My dad’s Mick Jagger.”

“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs som


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Rick Astley is a nice guy

he will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you "Up".

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Did your hear about the police officer that only let people borrow things conditionally?

He was just elected share-if.

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