Border

Jokes

A man gets drunk on a night out...

he gets VERY drunk. to the point of belligerence. so he picks a fight with the bouncer at the bar he's at. the bouncer knocks him out cold and clean. when he comes to, he wakes up in a wooden carriage with multiple people in it. the man across from him says: " Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as


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Whats a Mexicans favorite sport?

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I ate five alarm chili last night...

...this morning I'm declaring a National Emergency at my southern border.

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A warehouse fire is no big deal

When the Brazilian army reaches our border to put out the Amazon fires, will DHS let them into our country?

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What makes Trump angriest about uneducated immigrants waiting at the US border?

"There still their!"

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What do you Mexicans favorite sport?

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What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Border hopping. It's great exercise.

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What are the chances of a Mexican getting over the border?

Juan in a million

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Yo mama so stupid, when border patrol asked for her visa...

She pulled out her credit card.

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Building a wall and more border security will keep illegal drugs out of America.

Just like it does for prison.

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"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

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A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

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If a mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

Alien vs Predator

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Hundreds of thousands of people are planning to raid Area 51 to prove the existence of aliens...

I did my own investigation and found them

* At the parking lot of Home Depot
* At the border
* Cutting my neighbor's lawn

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We stormed Area 51 and found an alien

He’s name is Juan, they found him at the border.

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Wow, Trump actually decreased immigration rates at the border

Completely unrelated, my house is such a mess, no one wants to come over anymore.

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Trump has perfect historical precedent to support building his southern border wall...

China built a wall and they have hardly any Mexicans there...

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(OC) Trump: I will make America great again by building the wall of America.

Mexicans: lets steal it and use it to keep the liberals out. we all know border patrol can't trump over this idea. it hasn't even reached the border yet.

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There's been a problem with nonfunctioning showers at the border apparently.

This is why you always contract with Germans. They know how to keep showers running.

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A wolf got his paw trapped on the neutral territory between 2 counties.

After a few days the border guards of one country yells to the guards of the other country:
- Hey, you should take your wolf, he's been howling for 3 nights in a row, we can't sleep.
- How do you know he's *ours* and not *yours*?
- Well, he's dumb as you are - he has bitten off his 3 paws already, but he's still trapped because the paws were wrong.


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El Paso will be shutting down border crossings due to mob demonstrations, according to Customs and Border Protection.

Asked for a comment, the mayor sheepishly admitted "More like El None-Shall-Pass-o".

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Border official: Show me your visa.

Me: Sorry, I only have one.

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South of the border is a sea of violence, hate, corruption, disease, and division I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replied with a heavy sigh, ‘The ceilings here are too low


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President Trump stood at the podium in front of a hundred cameras.

"Good morning. I want to tell you about the work our Customs and Border Patrol people are doing on the southern border. I'm being told that we have more people crossing the border illegally now than ever before in our nation's history -- maybe in the history of the world. Yesterday, our people captured 13 Brazilian people crossing illegally near El Paso. I'm not sure how many a


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What's a downside of making EU jokes?

It's very easy to cross the border.

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My rental car got stolen...

while I was visiting a city near the border. I called the police but they said the thief had certainly already driven it out of the country, so there was nothing that could be done. From now on, I stay well away from the border. Fucking Canadians.

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Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

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A transport truck is stopped at the USMexico border...

An enforcement agent asks the driver: "Transporting any people or livestock?"

The driver, looking bored, replies: "No, es cargo."

Enforcement agent: "That's disgusting!"

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Why do Mexicans only cross the border in pairs?

Because Juan by Juan is boring, and TRESpassing is illegal.

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A rather virtuous young couple marry.

The soon-to-be lovers fly immediately after the ceremony to Toronto for their Honeymoon. After a wet (or at least slightly damp) week on the Canadian side of the Falls, the couple returns and settles into their new life.

The following Saturday, the young bride meets her friends for lunch. The self- appointed mature one of the lot, a lady married a full two years prior, presses the ne


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Its 1938 and a German officer went to France for a holiday.

At the border the French staff looked at his papers and asked : "Occupation? "

The German replied: "No, no, no, just visiting this time"

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An old Russian man wants to visit his old friend in Germany.

An old Russian man remembers a good friend he had in east Germany, and he decides he should go check up. He doesn't have enough money for a plane, however, so he decides he will drive. The next morning he and his wife get into their car and start driving. Several hours go by on the empty road and after a while, they reach the Latvian border. A man stops them and asks for passports. He asks in


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What do you call a teacher that doesn't like kids coloring outside of the lines?

Border Patrol

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China and Russia went to war

The first day, 1 million Chinese soldiers went to Russia and surrender.

The second day, another million Chinese soldiers cross the border and surrender.

The third day, 1 more million Chinese soldiers cross the border and the Russians surrender.

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Hey you, you're finally awake.

You were trying to cross the border right?...

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Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

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Illegally crossing the border really...

Crosses the line.

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I was stopped at the border by a guard who asked me "do you have any weapons?"

I said, "what do you need?"

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Whats it called when your 3 amigos are headed to Canada, but theres a border wall and the U.S. to get through?

Tres-passing

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Whats it called when your three amigos are headed to Canada but theres a border wall and the U.S. to get through?

Trespassing

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I'm legit not racist..Its just a fact that south of our border are nothing but ignorant, uneducated, unskilled people that don't want to work.

[deleted]

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Call me a racist if you want but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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What do you have when a mole of people crosses the US southern border?

Avogadro's from Mexico!

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Getting ICEd at a party is never fun.

And it has an entirely different connotation when you live close to a US border

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What do you call an Indian elephant who crosses the border?

A Pakiderm.

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Call me racist if you want but south of the border is a sea full of violence, incompetence and present uncertainty. Wouldn't touch it with a pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Scotland.

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Trumps Border Wall will really be very effective when it gets made

as I don't think there are actually any Mexicans who want to break into prison.

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Why do border patrol agents take Xanax

For Theirpanic attacks.

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A man from the US goes to the Canadian Rockies in order to hike.

However, he encounters a grizzly bear. He is instantly frightened. By some miracle, he manages to survive, and decides to keep the bear claws as a trophy. Finished with his hike, he decides to go back to the US. As he drives to the border, he realizes that he needs to hide the claws in fear of poaching. He hides them and continues on his way. When he reaches the border, his car is stopped and sear


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