I tribute my own videos on pornhub to make myself look sexy. Ba Ba Boom.
A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues
The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."
The player responds: "This is my lucky frying pan, it belonged to my grandfather. Please let me wear it."
Wives are like grenades
Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
What did the sexy chicken say to the sexy cow?
Two elephants fall off a cliff.
I Locked my keys in my car
What do you call a mafioso with internet problems
A disconnected guy
bada bing bada boom
I use Microsoft's search engine on my laptop amp it explodes. So I take it to the Italian repair guy
He says "What's the problem with your computer? Please keep it brief"
I say "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"
Two Islamic terrorists are walking down the the road when "BOOM" one started screaming I've lost my legs, second guy says.
No you haven't.
They are over there..
Why havent we heard the funniest joke ever? Because no one could recite it without dying laughter
A terrorist group made an attack on a bank last week.
It was a pretty big economic boom.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
Two muslims walk into a bar
Have you ever been driving down the road smoking a joint or a cigarette
and you flick it out of the window, thinking nothing of it. Then in a few miles you smell smoke inside your car so you turn around and right there on your backseat BOOM!, your grandma's playing with herself?
Whats the difference between a milita member and a terrorist?
BOOM!!! I guess we’ll never know.
A Russian engineer was sitting at his desk at Chernobyl, when suddenly he heard a big "BOOM"
Wow, this blew up unexpectedly...
I was playing the squeeze box and a policeman told me to stop, so I acted accordioningly.
I went shopping for cherries and a microphone today.
Bought a bing bought a boom!
Did you guys hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
Boom boom Ting
Me and my uncle Cephus was joy ridin in the back country of dodge.
All the sudden the motherfucker told me go straight then BOOM! Wrectum. We wreckt the damn four-wheeler into big Mikes hooch maker.
So I went to Dunkin Donuts yesterday and I wanted to get a grape flavored Coolata but they didn't have any :(. But then my genius brain thought of a solution! I ordered the blue raspberry Coolata and the strawberry Coolata and mixed them. BOOM! An amazing purple grape flavored Coolata. You must try this!
Why did airport security seize the 3-year-old?
Because he said he needed to go boom boom.
A plane is flying and all of a sudden the passengers hear a loud boom...
A few seconds after the boom, the pilot comes on over the intercom and says, "Attention passengers, we appear to have lost one of our engines and we'll be running about 15 minutes later than scheduled.
The passengers are thankful the plane is still flying, so they don't think much of it.
A few minutes later, there is another boom. The pilot comes back over
It's time to go to war!
Two armies at war. Red v Blue (let's say).. the Blue army Master Sergeant comes up to the First Sergeant.
MS: "Sir! We are completely out of weapons and ammo. What are we going to do when Red attacks tomorrow?"
FS: "Well.. (He ponders for a sec) When you see them come over the hill, go "BANG, BANG!" and stick your hands out like your holding
Your mom is a 10...
On the Richer scale!
(This joke is best followed up by taking exaggerated shaky steps while saying “BOOM BOOM BOOM” as each step falls).
Three men went out hunting one day
The first guy brought back a big buck. "How did you get that?" the others asked. "I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot a buck." Then the second guy brought back an elephant. "How did you get that?" the others asked. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot an elephant." Then the third guy came back a
Whats another name for Boom Beach?
In light of recent adverse publicity, Boeing executives are considering renaming the company.
Boom and Splat did not make the list of finalists.
What did the cop say when he suprise arrest a black man?
*boom!* youre under arrest!
A boy wants to ring a giant bell...
As a boy is walking down the street, he spots a bell tower. Seeing the bell, he makes his way to the very top of the tower. When he gets to the top, he finds a priest, just standing there.
The boy asked the priest "Is it okay if I ring the bell, Father?"
The priest replied "By all means, go ahead."
The boy tried to pull on the rope to rin
I asked Guile what the worst Sonic game is.
He said, "Sonic Boom!"
A man is standing in line at the pearly gates...
When he strikes up a conversation with the man next to him. ''So how did you die,'' he asks him. The man responds ''Oh I froze to death. It wasn't too bad, pretty peaceful. What about you?''
The man says ''well I was a rich man with q huge house and a nice car and I began to think my wife was cheating on me. So I came home early o
Too quick too soon
Chick boom boom
Funniest joke in China
A woman walks into a pocket. Boom.
What do you call an alligator in a vest
BA DA BOoM!
I said a Boom Chicka Boom
"I said a Boom Chicka Boom"
I said a Boom Chicka Racka Chicka Racka Chicka Boom!
Now that I think about it, Trump is a Canadian plot...
first get him elected, get us all worried about Mexico, and boom! them maple syrup guzzling frogs will pour down from the North and then we'll all be sorry.
Knock knock. Who's there? Osama. Osama who?
What did the cheese says to the chip
A priest takes the day off and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."
The priest looks around and doesn’t see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply’s "Ribbit. Lucky frog."
Who makes the best exploding underwear?
Fruit of the Boom!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
One actually does something when its triggered.
**I did not create this joke but found 0 evidence of it being a repost but if it is feel free to let me know.**
What's it called when a boom-box is playing on the jungle gym?
2 hunters decide to bring their friend on a trip
2 hunters decide to bring their friend on a trip to hunt. A couple of days before the trip their friend asks them for some tips about hunting but they said they can tell him once he is out there. The day comes and they all fly out to go hunting.
They set up camp and decide to hunt the first thing in the morning. The friend asks again for some tips and they reluctantly tell him to just
Every family porn ever
All of the member are eating food from dining table and suddenly girl drop something on the floor
She bent down and went under table, started to suck the guys dick
And none of the fooking family members care that where is that girl and why is she under the table
And boom you now got porno
Wear your seatbelts
Wear your seatbelts. If you are out driving one day without a seatbelt, BOOM! You could get hit with a fine. Then you can’t pay for your electric or water, and pretty soon you can’t pay your mortgage. You go out for a drive feeling depressed and then you get hit by a truck. Then you end up in the hospital, all because you didn’t wear your seatbelt a week ago.
How WWI was won
The Americans and the Germans were each shooting at each other in their trenches, neither of them gaining an advantage.
The Americans called a meeting to figure out a way to win.
A private then stood up and said “I have an idea.” So the table listened and planned their action.
The next day, one of the American soldiers yelled “Is that you
What do you call taking a poop at 765mph?
A sonic boom boom
A Guy Robs a Bank at Gunpoint
On his way out he wants to make sure no one will talk. So he walks up to a guy and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?!?"
The guy replies, "Well of course..?" and \*BOOM\* the robber shoots him dead.
He walks up to another guy and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?!?"
"Yeah I mean..."
There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."
So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"
The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fly as fast you can to the top of the jar and Boom, you