Boobs

Jokes

I was beaten up by a busty women in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said “would you please press one?”

So I did.

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My plastic surgeon says...

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As a man I wish I had boobs. I bet you can guess what I want to do with them...

Use them on my baby so he'll go to freakin sleep.

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Have you heard about 'Blond Bombshell', the super hero capable of generating nuclear power with her boobs?

Some say they're super fissile.

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A girl with 12 boobs sounds weird.

dozen tit

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Tom went to the police station one day...

He was looking for his wife Jenny, but at the same time another guy came in looking for his wife. When the policeman asked the guy that just came in what his wife looked like he said "she's good looking, blonde, with big boobs". Then Tom says "screw Jenny let's look for this guy's wife"


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Getting a random call at 1 am from your boyfriend asking to see your boobs then not wanting to explain why... turns out he wanted to know if everyone had nipple hair... I love him but damn, you woke me up for this ?

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At the club where my bud is staring at a lady's boobs.

Her: My face is up here.
(Looks up, goes back to boobs.)
Him: Yeah, but these look better.

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What's the difference between a lobster with big boobs and a dirty bus stop?

One's a busty crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station

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My Grilfriend is like a pornstar

She's so sexy, I could see her being on the front page of pornhub.

She has hourglass curves, the most perfect boobs you've ever seen,

and to top it off she's my step-sister!

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Nine out of ten men prefer big boobs.

The tenth guy prefers the nine men.

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How neckbeards are made.

\- Honey, we need to talk about your... boobs.

\- Ughh, MOM! You're just jealous because mine are bigger than yours!

\- That's the point David, you're my son, not my daughter.

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Mad Cow Disease

A Sexy Female TV reporter, with Big boobs, interviews a farmer, seeking the cause of Mad Cow disease.


Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?


The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a Cow only once a year?"


Lady : (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece of valuab


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A beautiful blonde walks into a bar


sits on a stool and orders a beer.
The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.
It hits the blonde woman and splashes all over her boobs.
The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and then licks the beer off her breasts.
Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens.
So, after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out.<


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Top 5 things I like about feminists:

1. Their butt
2. Their pussy
3. Their butthole
4. Their Taint
5. Their boobs

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On a first date with Medusa I was staring at her boobs she told me, "Hey pal my eyes are up here."

I was already rock hard though.

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What does a dirty bus station and a crab with big boobs have in common?

One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean 🦞 (nothing)

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The guy spots a girl with a big boobs having an ice cream

He approaches her and says: "Don't get me wrong, but I'd love to lick it".

She is puzzled, and stretches the arm towards the guy.

Guy: "I just knew you would get it wrong..."

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If your wife happens to have big boobs...

... don't take that for grand tit.

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What does an old woman have between her boobs that a young woman does not?

A bellybutton

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Sam got thrown out a Strip club for using monopoly money.

Sam's logic - Why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.

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Girls complain about having large boobs and how they get in the way. I can relate...

But I'm a guy.

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I named my wifes boobs All and Hell.

When she takes her bra off, all hell breaks lose.

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Man boobs are awesome

Shit I forgot the comma.

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What do you call a Jewish women's boobs?

jewbs

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Fat guys should be happy then get to play with boobs whenever they want.

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What do you call the area between a California womans boobs?

Silicone Valley

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Whats the difference between a lobster with big boobs and a dirty bus station?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean.

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Our planet has no boobs or ass

Therefore, the Earth is flat

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Did you hear about the Chinese women named Quan with 3 boobs?

I was amazed by the quantity of QuansTitys.

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Without nipples...

Boobs would be pointless.

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While riding my Harley



I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'


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The 'Golden Rule' says "do to others what you would have them do to you"

But it's a lie!

I saw the hottest women with roundest boobs I have seen in my life and wanted to see them so bad so I whipped out my dick in front of her but instead she whipped hers out too!

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If your wife happens to have big boobs...

... don't take that for grand tit.

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NSFW: Boobs

Warning : it's long

Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace

Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip out
The


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Why did the boobs not high five the bra?

Because it left them hanging.

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While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiney new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.


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Why do you want to go to Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons

The boobs.

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My brassiere business closed today and I have a lot to get rid of.

Just PM me pictures of your boobs and I'll see if we have any in your size!

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I want to make a joke about tree boobs, but it would be silly. Wooden tit?

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Which bee has the biggest boobs?

Brabee.

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What does Reddit do when it sees a joke about boobs on the front page?

Repost tit.

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A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith...

...for advice about enlarging her breasts.

He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your breasts and say, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."

She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she ha


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You show me your boobs and Ill show you my tattoo.

Tit for Tat.

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You show me your boobs and Ill show you my tattoo.

Tit for Tat.

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My neighbor with the big boobs has been walking up and down the garden all day.

I just wish his wife would do the same.

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So here I am hanging out around the house, not wearing a bra, when my husband comes up from behind and grabs my boobs...

"Just trying to support my wife"....

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My neighbor with big boobs has been gardening topless all day.

I just wish his wife would do the same.

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There was a 13 year old girl who had size 84 boobs but she wanted them to be size 45.

So the doctor said "Oh, take these pills 2 times a day." Unfortunately, the girl took 4 a day and she ended up...

(Get a calculator, 13844502x4, then flip it around for the answer).

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Thank God for nipples.

Without them boobs would be pointless.

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