Bones

Jokes

Alexander the Great once asked Diogenes of Sinope why he was staring into a pile of bones

Diogenes replied, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do people with leukemia know they have cancer?

They can feel it in their bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Condoms are like injured bones...

If they are broken you are screwed and fucked up for life by Jeffrey Epstein

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There are bones on the floor and my bed is stained red.

I knew eating bbq ribs was a mistake when I felt a sneeze coming.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My favorite jokes are ones about bones in your arms.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answe


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The waitress at Smokey Bones just took my order

"I'll baby ribs back." she said.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's common between skinny girls and bad bucket of chicken?

No breasts just skin and bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Bones

The funny bone never is funny, but another bone is, it's ALWAYS humerus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you get when you boil a bunch of funny bones?

Laughing Stock.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between a duck?

Because ice cream has no bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So youre canoeing through the desert

… And you’re right wing falls off. How many pancakes to take to build a doghouse?

None, because marshmallows don’t have bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Are you ready for a bone-afide good story that will definitely tickle your funny bone?

In a land far far away, lives a locksmith. This locksmith however, has two very special traits. One, he is an undead skeleton retired from being a lowly exp grind mob, and two, is able to open any lock. His skills are unrivaled, but when even he is stumped, he can detach one of his bones to utilize as a tool. All of his bones are still in control of the skeleton, even if they are detached, giving


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My teacher handed us some twigs and rocks. She said "Sticks and stones can hurt my bones can hurt my bones but words never will"

So I threw a dictionary at her face.
I was later ungrounded

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My dog is really into R shaped bones

I guess that's why he bit my bf's penis!

​

lord

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When does a woman have 207 bones?

When she is giving an oral sex.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

All the bones went to Tibia and Fibula's place...

They were having a shindig.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you guys hear about the dog in Egypt that found the hidden bones of a Pharro?

Yeah, he is a real barkeologist!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do dogs lick your face?

Because they can smell the bones underneath

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Sticks and stones may break your bones..

....but words can make Dumbledore gay

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the hardest part of vegetable to eat?

The bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you call Lil Pump's bones?

Eskeletal system.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try...to fix you."

"For fuck sake, Chris," said his wife. "Stop messing around and fix the headlights of our car."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a skeleton detective?

Sherlock Bones!

:)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Nsfw When HBO launches a show they trademark all the possible porn names. They now own...

“Game of bones”, “Dothraki Bukaki”, “Ass High in the shadow” and of course “Two Cleganes one Bowl”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

People with osteoporosis have pretty hard lives. You know what isn't hard?

Their bones.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do women and KFC have in common?

Once you're done with the breasts and legs, all that's left is a greasy box to stick your bones in.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How much does 206 bones weigh?

A skele-tonne.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There are 27 bones in the human hand

And 28 when I'm lonely

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How many bones are in a human hand?

a handful

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I want to date a girl with a extra toe. NSFW

Not because I have a foot thing, but because I want to be able to say she has 207 bones, if you know what I mean.

I’m talking about the toe. Get your mind out of the gutter.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the Vegan bomb at Open Mic Night?

She barely had any humerus bones in her.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend has 207 bones

Now 206

Now 207


Now 206

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I don't get how people look at others having erections and not immediately call an ambulance.

They've got bones sticking out, for crying out loud!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes without calcium intake, at the cost of severely weakened bones. The toothpaste-less


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How many bones are there in a hand?

About a handful

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Sticks and stones may break my bones but...

...I need a doctor

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I like my bananas how I like my women, without any bones.

In my defense that joke would have killed in the 1930s.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why are dead dogs so happy?

Because they’ve finally got all their bones buried.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How much do bones weigh?

About a skeleTON

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I've never heard a joke about bones that wasn't humerus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If It takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a bunch of grapes?

None, because there's no bones in ice cream.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do chemists dogs do with their bones?

they barium!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body.....

Now 206
Now 207
Now 206
Now 207
Now 206
Now 207
...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Dr. Dog has a conflict of interest

DR. DOG: would you like to donate your organs

PATIENT: ya

DR. DOG: And your bones?

PATIENT: my bones? WHY?

DR. DOG: (mouth watering): just answer the question!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?

Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does the chemist's dog do to bones?

Barium.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An archaeologist recently uncovered dinosaur bones in Iran.

Upon further research, they concluded that the bones belonged to to the prehistoric *Tehran*osaurus Rex.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Sticks and stones may break my bones

but The Rock is what will seriously fuck me up.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE