Bolt

Jokes

What did the Nut say to the Bolt?

Screw Me

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Three old women

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Whats the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

One can finish a race

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Whats the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler

One can finish a race

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How do you turn a Dog into a Blacksmith?

Shove a red hot poker up it's arse and it'll make a bolt for the door.

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I bought a dog from a blacksmith today

as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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Psst, wanna hear a racist joke?

Q: What do cannibals call Usain Bolt? A: Fast food.

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I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

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Uber driver meets Bolt driver at the gym, and he asks him...

Bro... Do you even Lyft?

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What's the difference between a nut and bolt and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a nut and bolt.

Above is the classic punchline, but it occurs to me there is another:

...but you can't unscrew a pregnant woman, you can only nut and bolt.

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What's the difference between Hitler and Usain bolt

Usain Bolt can finish a race

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What do cannibals call Usain Bolt?

Fast food.

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Why would Usain Bolt win any presidential election?

Because he’s running for president.

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You know that black guy who runs fast? I can't quite remember his name.

You sayin Bolt?

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My friend bought a dog from a Blacksmith.

As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

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How does Usain Bolt like his eggs?

Runny

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A handyman was securing a bolt into a wall when he got distracted by a beautiful woman.

He ended up busting a nut.

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If we're all part of the human race...

Usain Bolt is the winner.

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I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ...

... he made a bolt for the door.

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Yesterday, my brother did 100m quicker than Usain Bolt.

No-one said it had to be horizontal rather than vertical.

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What's the difference between Hitler and Hussain bolt?

Hussain bolt can successfully finish a race ..

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What do you call an electric bolt from the sky that profusely apologizes after zapping you?

Politning.

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What's brown and sticky?

A stick

What's pink and slippery?

Pink slippers


What's brown and runny?

Usain bolt

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What's brown and runny?

Usain bolt

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Usain Bolt: eating junk

Coach: are you nuts?
Usain: no I'm bolt

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I bought an ex blacksmiths dog...

When I got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

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What is as fast as a cheetah,but is completely black?

Usain Bolt.

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I adopted a dog from a locksmith.

As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.

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What do you call it when Usain Bolt is trying to pick up a girl at a bar?

A runner in scoring position.

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Why is usain bolt so dark?

He's so fast, even light cannot catch him

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I got a dog from the blacksmith today

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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A polar bear can run at 25 mph. Usain Bolt could run at 27.5 mph.

I guess you could say a polarbear is the closest thing to a white Usain Bolt.

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Whats the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?






Usain Bolt can actually finish a race.

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A man In his car after seeing usain bolt running on road

he said ‘Let me drop you’
Usain bolt:sorry I am late

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Whats a similarity between a pregnant woman and a nut and bolt?

One you can unscrew, the other you can’t.

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A group of physicists work together in a lab.

A mechanical project is worked on by Mark, Harry and Jane. It's well known among all the physicists (even Jane) that Mark likes Jane and they're all dying for him to make a move.

One day, while they're working on the project, Harry's running late to the lab and asks both of them to continue on without him. Mark, knowing that he'll be alone with Jane, uses thi


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If you go to a mechanics shop to get laid but get caught

do you screw, nut, and bolt?

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I bought a dog off a black smith once

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

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I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith...

As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.

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What is the difference between Ussain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

Ussain Bolt can finish a race.

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Why are mechanics absent fathers?

Because they nut and bolt

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What would you call Usain Bolt if he was a spongebob squarepants fan?

The cash slinging dasher

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Usain Bolt is the fastest man in the world.

But, can he still run away from all of his problems?

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When I was 5 years old my mom got me a puppy.

He was white with these little brown splotches all over him that reminded me of the coffee stains on the kitchen table, and so the obvious name for the dog, in my young and simple mind, was Stains.

My mother quickly grew to despise this name, as the dog had a tendency to bolt out of the door and run down the street.

To this I always responded by yelling loudly throughout


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What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

One could actually finish a race.

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What do you call it when a mechanic has sex with a girl and never sees her again?

Nut and bolt

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I had to go to my Grandmother's funeral yesterday...

...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.

My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"

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I told her I'm a mechanical engineer

I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.

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How did Usain Bolt get so fast?

He was trying to catch up to his father.

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I bought a dog from the local blacksmith today

as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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