Whats the difference between Actual and Grievous bodily harm?

Hello there!

Harvard Medical School has a new program for the study of bodily functions...

. . . the College of Farts and Sciences.

I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous bodily harm...

Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...

Need good kid-friendly joke! G-rated Thanksgiving tradition

Gang-I need your help.

One of our family traditions is to tell a joke at the Thanksgiving table.

The judges ages range from 7 to 11. So the jokes have to be age-appropriate-G-rated.

Anything that includes a bodily function (esp. farts) usually gets high marks.

Need your best stuff!

Go!

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There is new term for waking up in prison, covered in various bodily fluids

Cosby sweater

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied the doctor.

"You sure doc? I

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Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I want to die the same way I was born...

...a screaming mess of bodily fluids hurtling face first towards a vagina.

I read today that NASA may soon have a system th at recycles bodily waste from astronauts into a protein paste, which shows they have obviously heard the expression "eat shit",

[deleted]

Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of bodily fluids for doggy biscuits?

Well, urine for a treat!

Valentines Day Poem

Valentines day it's truly a gift
I am proud to admit that I have nothing to omit
my maiden of choice is my right hand and spit
all those couples out there can go rot in shit


Lube is the dream I am saddened to say
that my bank account cannot pay.
my bodily fluids are here to stay
for there is no raise for this valentines day

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A fart is the only bodily function which has its own punctuation.

The skid mark.

Sweaters aren't the only garment named after a gross bodily function...

There's wind breakers, too

What begins with a bodily discharge and ends with a child carer?

Poonani

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

For those that don't know what a leper is: (essentially an infectious disease that can cause various bodily tissues to fall off)[http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leprosy]

Female bodily functions are not funny

Period.

Under regression hypnosis I revealed that I hurt my knee as a child.

Now I'm being charged with previous bodily harm :(

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\[My first post on this sub, made the joke up last night. Be gentle! And US readers may not get it sorry.\]