Blow

Jokes

Daughter: What are those things that you blow on and make wishes?

Me: A breathalyzer

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Three kids are smoking behind the bike sheds at school!

Kid 1: "My Dad can blow smoke through his nose!"
Kid 2: "Yeah, well my Dad can blow smoke through his ears!"
Kid 3: "That's nothing, my Dad can blow smoke through his ass!!" I've seen the nicotine stains in his underpants!

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I used to blow bubbles when I was a kid.

Michael Jackson made us do a lot of wierd shit on his ranch.

(Joke's not mine, but I cracked a co-worker up with it today, and thought I would share)

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I Have a Wind Powered Car

I have to blow into an ignition interlock device to start my car.

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What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck

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What do you blow to make your wishes come true?

A sugar daddy

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Pork fact

People who eat pork are 100% less likely to blow themselves up than people who don't lmao

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A man was about to enter his Tesla Model X

Before he entered, a beautiful lady approached him and said,

"Woah, that's a really great looking car. How much does something like this cost?"


The man smirked and replied,


"A bj a day for 30 days. 28 if you're good enough."


The lady seemed surprised at first, but then she smiled and said,


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Prostitutes don't like birthdays

Because every time they hear, "blow the candles", they get their tongues rather burnt

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Strippers don't like birthdays

Because every time they hear "blow the candles", they get their tongue rather burnt

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The truth why Trump would suggest nuking a hurricane.

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Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blow job would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a cock to suck at this time of night.

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I once went to see a magician called Machine Gun Kelly

Not only did he blow the minds of the audience but he also kidnapped a child.

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Kids wanna go cinema

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Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

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The terrorist said he wanted to blow the whole world

So I helped him start by letting him suck my dick

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Near the beginning



Angel: *Hey God, you gotta minute?*

God: *What's Zzzupp bobby, my compadre!*

Angel: *Its Jose, but whatever, can we go over your most recent animal submission*

God: *Yeah, but hurry, Fox 911 is about to come on*

Angel: *Ummm ok, 8 legs, mysterious, can be poisonous, eats smaller creatures and are really hard to find.*


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A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with hus best friend.

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy that charges $10,000 per bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, well I've got $2


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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan

when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, th


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What do a recorder flute and a vampire hooker have in common?

They both blow sharply.

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How I got be 98

A journalist crew comes to this 98 year old's house for an interview:
- So, tell us your secret?
- Well, one time while on holiday in Greece I got so wasted that I took this Italian guy behind the bar and gave him a blow job.
- And that's how you got to live to 98 years???
- Oh that secret... Nothing much just lots of fruit and green vegetables and some morning


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Trump----- more job

Obama ----- no job

Bush ----- inside job

Clinton ----- blow job

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How do you give a red neck a blow job?

Kick his sister in the jaw

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I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

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What did the bank robber say when the vault exploded?

wow didn't expect this to blow up, thanks for the gold!

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A Chinese woman is doing a 69 and farted in the guys face.

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Proud Terrorist discussing his kids

Yep, they blow up so fast!

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Got into a heated argument with a guy...

He said "How about you go home and blow your dad?"

I replied "I'm not sure my head would fit in the urn. Even if it did, I'm don't even where to begin."

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What does a hooker have in common with a terrorist?

The both blow people for a living

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How do dragons blow out birthday candles?

>!I don't know, maybe dragons just don't celebrate birthdays.!<

>!My wife's showerthought last night.!<

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What do you call an emperor that stepped on a min ?

Napoleon blow-apart

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I went to help my friend, jack, off a horse

But instead we gave it a, blow, job.

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Two scientists are studying a volcano. One says 'yep, she's gonna blow'.

The other says 'nevermind her, what about the volcano?'

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What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

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What is a West Virginians favorite candy?

A blow pop.

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Why do they put a cock on a weather vane?

Because if they put a cunt on there, the wind would blow right through it.

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Who gives the best blow jobs with one eye closed?

Monicle Lewinski

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My girlfriend choked to death last night.

It was a hard blow.

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So there was this professional assassin who charged $1000 a bullet...

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They


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My wife choked to death while sucking my cock.

It was a terrible blow.

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What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

"Hang on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"

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Why was the blind woman afraid to give blow jobs?

Because she could never see it coming.

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Baby boomers arent really baby boomers

They didn’t blow up a baby first

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So there was this professional assassin who charged $1000 a bullet...

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They'


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Whats it called when you punch a dwarf

A low blow

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A woman walks into a hardware store and asks if she could get a screw for a shelf.

The employee says no, but you can blow me for one.

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My ex-girlfriend choked to death...

It was a terrible blow.

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My wife walked in on me

After my shower while I was blow drying my dick and balls and asked "What the hell are you doing?"

Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not the right answer

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What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

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How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick him up and give him a blow job.

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