Block

Jokes

What do you call a Chinese man that closely resembles his father?

A chink off the ol' block.

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The Joke

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The captain and some navigators are smoking weed on the bridge on the titanic

When all of a sudden a cadet bursts in from the door releasing a big cloud of weed smoke right into his face. The cadet ignores it and starts exclaiming:

"Captain! I've spotted a huge ice block of ice right in our path, we need to change course, or we will hit it!"

"Naah, don't worry about it, this is the strongest ship ever built, we'll jus


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Which part of the periodic table is a hoes favourite?

The D-block.

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What kind of lotion do authors apply at the beach?

Writers block.

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I was walking home last night and someone threw a block of cheese out the window and it hit me on the head...

I turned and shouted "That wasn't very mature was it?"

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What do you call a guy who sits on a block of dry ice?

Numb nuts.

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A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."


The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only


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The captain and some navigators are smoking weed on the bridge on the titanic

When all of a sudden a cadet bursts in from the door releasing a big cloud of weed smoke right into his face. The cadet ignores it and starts exclaiming:

"Captain! I've spotted a huge ice block of ice right in our path, we need to change course, or we will hit it!"

"Naah, don't worry about it, this is the strongest ship ever built, we'll jus


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The captain and some navigators are smoking weed on the bridge on the titanic

When all of a sudden a skipper bursts in from the door releasing a big cloud of weed smoke right into his face. The skipper ignores it and starts exclaiming:

"Captain! I've spotted a huge ice block of ice right in our path, we need to change course, or we will hit it!"

"Naah, don't worry about it, this is the strongest ship ever built, we'll


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What do you call the part of the city where unsuccessful writers live?

The writers' block.

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Three ways to forget your ex

1. Block your ex
2. Add me
3. Text me

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I dont get why gangsters and rap go together

I get high every day!

I’ll shoot up your block if you cross me!

I’ll kill your whole family if you look at me funny!

And I sing about my feelings over a catchy beat....

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Reddit is just like fencing

Your response to anything original is either a block or a riposte.

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Which is Donald Trump's favourite Minecraft block?

Cobblestone, because he can build walls with them 😂😂😂😂😂

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Where does an executioner go on his walks?

Once around the block

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Excuse me Sir, do you have the time?

Cable Repairman was on my block and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 1pm and 6pm

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Joey walks into a motel.

He walks up to the person at the desk and asks, "Where's the closest bar?"

The guy responds, "Just a block down from here."

​

Later that day Joey ran into a bar and was injured and rushed to the hospital.

​

This is why you don't run into metal polls kids.


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What would you call a cock-block in Canada?

a beaver dam

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Women on dating sites are so confusing!

They ask for a "genuine guy" then block you when you send.........proof

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Whats hard, black, and goes around the block?

No, not a dick. The line at KFC

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How much does it cost to invent Bitcoin?

One Satoshi.

For those that don't get it, Satoshi Nakamoto is the name used by the unknown person or persons who developed bitcoin,

It's also the name for bitcoin's smallest unit recorded on the block chain. It is a one hundred millionth of a single bitcoin (0.00000001 BTC).

Lol

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My pet rock is like a son to me

He’s a real chip off the old block.

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What genre would a Minecraft Movie be?

A Block-buster

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The Best Restaurant

There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this


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Minecraft was spamming me with messages

So in the end I decided to block them Happy Birthday Minecraft

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Help! I am a graphic designer and my wife is cheating on me!

So I have been married for 6 months now and all is well. So I thought. I never discussed my love life on any forum or any other social media.
I am a graphics designer and I normally return home at 6:30pm to my lovely wife and make love to her like a stallion. This was going on routinely for 6 months minus the days she had a head ache.

One day I came home early and rushed to u


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What do you call it when you dont want to talk to someone in Minecraft?

You block them.


P.S. Happy ten years Minecraft.

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A man working at the Federal Reserve

A man working at the Federal Reserve was hired to manufacture pennies. On his first day, the supervisor walked him around the manufacturing area.

“This first machine melts down large blocks of metal. The liquid metal is then poured into a mold that makes a smaller block. That smaller block is then taken off the conveyer belt by this control arm and placed on another conveyer b


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An author with writers block decided to go to the woods to clear his head and write his next great book.

He’s alone for 2 months and making progress. One day, while hiking, he sees a burly woodsman chopping a tree. The woodman waved him over and they chat a bit. The woodsman invites the author over to his cabin for a party. The author thinks it’ll be great, he hasn’t had any company in 2 months.

The woodsmen says “I have to warn you, there’s gonna be some dr


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When you pull out your cock

When you pull out your cock

Your mom runs around the block

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There is an initiative...

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that attached cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

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I just learned that a dentist a block away from me was arrested for dealing drugs.

Shows you how little I actually know about people. I have been going to him for 10 years and never knew he was a dentist.

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An amnesiac black man does 1 lap around the block on his bicycle.

He looks at the doorman of his apartment and says, " Charlie, is that you? I haven't seen you in a minute."

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I have extreme Artist's block.

I really *want* to make something, but I'm just drawing a blank.

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Just learned that a dentist a block away from me was arrested for dealing drugs. Shows you how wrong you can be about people. I had been going to him him for over ten years.

Never knew he was a dentist.

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What do you call a lesbian cock block

Taco blocko

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HBO will block all streaming that is NOT to the SUBSCRIBER address TONIGHT 5pm Eastern

HBO has announced tonight at 5 PM Eastern time they will be will be blocking all IP address is not associated with the primary subscribers home address. This is estimated to bring in 97 thousand new subscriptions before Game of Thrones premieres tonight and thousands more daily thereafter. Is this posted in the correct sub Reddit?


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WCB not believing someone could possibly be so severely injured on the job ask bricklayer for more information on how one incident resulted in so much damage

Dear Sir:

I am responding to your request for additional information regarding how my recent injury occurred. In block No. 3 of your accident report form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully. I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the


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Just found out that a dentist a block away was arrested for dealing drugs, shoes you how wrong you can be about people. I had been going to him for over ten years

never knew he was a dentist

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The policeman

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug stor


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My friend is a chess master from the Soviet block

No really he's my Czech mate

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I was just walking down the road when someone threw a full block of cheese at me

I told them “That wasn’t very mature was it?”

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What did the goose say to the chicken?

My neck might be long but YOUR neck is on the chopping block every night, in many households, both domestic and abroad!

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My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese

I said “Oh that’s very mature.”

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It is the French Revolution and people are being executed.

The executioner grants the people who are being executed one last request before their heads are cut off.

A nobleman walks up to the block and says,” As a nobleman I request that all of my money go to my three children.” “Very Well” the executioner said. And he was executed.

A scientist walks up to the block,”As a scientist I wish to end my c


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My accountant is tired from doing too many taxes.

He developed H&R block.

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I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

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Cock block

So I had just hooked up with a girl in my class and everything was great until my neighbor called the cop's on me for child molestatio n

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- Beaver Dam.

- What is the lesbian equivalent of a ‘cock block’?

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