Blast

Jokes

What is meem

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I'm trying to convince my cousin not to bring a bomb to school.

He thinks it'd be a real blast.

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I heard the Vatican...

I heard the Vatican is working on a protein drink

It's called Bishop's Blast - Altar Boysenberry

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What happens if you blast Soviet national anthem in a private school?

It becomes a public school.

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I blared "Everlasting Love" on full blast at a prison yard.

That's one way to shock a con.

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Breaking News

A nuclear blast destroyed Washington DC today. Sources say that the source of the blast was a Politician taking a polygraph test.

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I hate my neighbors. They listen to All Star by Smash Mouth at full blast 247

whether they like it or not.

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My first time doing stand up...

My girlfriends nephew was 12 at the time and wanted to be a comedian, so I asked him for advice before my first stand up. He said:

“Sure! Here’s a joke for you... last summer I went to dynamite camp...”

- Oh cool!

“... yeah, I had a blast!!”

- awesome! Did you learn any jokes?

“πŸ˜“ you gonna bomb&


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Hope everyones Fourth of July

Was a blast . (Insert annoyed comments below) you’re welcome (:

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What did one terrorist say to another terrorist on his birthday?

I hope you have a blast today

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What do you call a caveman's fart?

A blast from the pastπŸ’¨

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The other night a played a blank CD on full blast.

The mime next door went nuts.

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I was held up at gunpoint

It was a blast!

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Two Jews in heaven have a laugh together

God comes by and sees them having a blast. So he asks them:“what are you laughing about?“

Jew:“About the holocaust haha“

God:“ but the holocaust isn’t funny at all!“

Jew: „how do you know? Oh havnt been there!“

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I visited Japan during WW2

I had a blast...

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Don't brag about how fun your Easter party is,

People in Sri Lanka had a BLAST!

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A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.

"So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”

“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”

“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”


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A bomb dropped on a bus full of middle-schoolers.

I guess you could say they were a blast of a time...

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My dad dressed up as jimmy neutron

He had to blast

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A driver is being booked by a traffic cop

and the cop says "What's your name, sir?" and the motorist says "John Smith".

The cop gives him a fishy look and says "Is that your full name, sir?" and when the motorist says "No" the cop says "Then I need your full name - what is it?"

The motorist sighs and says "Jonathan Terence Damn Blast And Bugger It Sm


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What do you call an old dried up nut

A blast from the past

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If jerking off was a contes it would be called

How fast can you blast!

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A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.

“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”


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What do you call an old friend with benefits

A blast from the past

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Which president had the most fun during their tenure?

Truman. He had a blast on a few occasions.

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Today's performance of Hamilton was canceled in Chicago due to the polar blast.

Once again Brrrr kills Hamilton

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Found an old video I used to watch on pornhub

It was a blast from the past

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A Note 7 and a Muslim walk into a bar...

The two deeply hated each other, but in the end, they had a blast.

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A man moves out to the countryside.

A man moves out to the countryside from the big city.

While he is moving in a neighbor up the street stops by and introduces himself.

The two men chat it up for a few minutes and then the neighbor leaves.

These interactions happen several times over the next few weeks until one day the neighbor says:

Neighbor: “hey I’m having a lit


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A man moves out to the countryside.

A man moves out to the countryside from the big city.

While he is moving in a neighbor up the street stops by and introduces himself.

The two men chat it up for a few minutes and then the neighbor leaves.

These interactions happen several times over the next few weeks until one day the neighbor says:

Neighbor: “hey I’m having a lit


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My dad beats me

This isn’t a joke sent help please oh fuck he’s here gotta blast fellas

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If you start having sex at 11:58 tonight, you might start off the new year with a blast

if you make it that long

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Pakistan has the most catchy tourism tagline...

Come Have a Blast, It may be your last.

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My neighbours have been playing U2 songs at full blast all morning

Suppose that’s what I get for living so close to The Edge...

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A Russian, an American and a Canadian blast off in a space shuttle

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What do you call a dinosaur fart?

"A blast from the Past"

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Why should you wear a burka to a party?

You'll have a blast

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What do you call it when you jerk off to old pictures?

A *Blast* from the *Past*...

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What do you call it when you jerk off to old pictures?

A *Blast* from the *Past*...

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What do you call a cumshot from the 80s?

A blast from the past

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I have a fear of dying from unnatural causes.

I mean think about it like this, two guys are in heaven are talking about how they died.

Guy 2: How'd you die man?

Guy 1: Well after a strong 88 years, I decided I'd let myself succumb to the cancer I had been battling for 11 years. What about you?

Guy 2: Giant nuclear laser blast from an alien armada.


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Why did the suicide bomber love his job?

He was having a blast!

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Where did the suicide bomber go after the blast ?

Everywhere

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There's one thing I can say about playing with explosives.

It's a blast.

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What is playing with explosives?

A blast.

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Be careful what you wish for.

A Russian catches a goldfish, who speaks: "Dear man, free me and I'll grant your one greatest wish." The Russian thinks for a moment: "Well, I have a solid, well-paid job, a beautiful wife, two great children, a car, a flat... What could I wish for? I know! I want to receive the Hero Of The Soviet Union!" The fish nodded: "Your wish is granted!" Suddenly the guy


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I asked my girlfriend if she enjoyed my cum shot last night

she said it was a blast

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Why do the japanese have slanted eyes?

Because they are still squinting from the blast

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I heard there's a new game called "Explosion simulator"

And apparently everyone's having a blast playing it.

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What did the duck say to the pig?

Come finger blast my ass hole

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