I like my women how I like my chocolate

Cold and bitter

I like my coffee like my wifes heart

Dark and bitter

I want my coffee just like my wife

Cold and bitter

One morning I decided to go out of the house

I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door. I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant? For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery

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A young man out for a good time pops into the local chemist's to stock up.

The shop is empty.
"Anyone there?" he shouts and from the back room comes the chemist's wife, a bitter and unhappy woman.
"Four condoms, please, Miss."
"Don't you Miss me," she replies.
"Oh, sorry, make that five then, please."

Did You Hear About The Genie...

Did you hear about the genie who lived in a flask of bitter water?


He was a Djinn in tonic.

I like my women like I like my coffee:

Bitter and expensive.

Husband and wife

Bitter Husband, says to Wife "On your Headstone, l'll put "Cold As Ever" Wife says"That's okay, On yours l'll put "Stiff At Last"........

My mother always tells me to follow up the bitter truth with a sweet, small compliment

Guess a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

People always tell me that every time someone recieves the bitter truth, a sweet compliment soon after us a good move

Guess a spoonful of sugar does help the medicine go down

I like my coffee the way I like my women

Cold and bitter

Are oranges male or female?

If it squirts in your eye without warning it's a male. If it's bitter for no fuckin' reason it's a female.

I like my coffee like I like my women,

Cold and bitter.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on President Trump's proposed health care package to replace Obamacare:

>
> The allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
>
> The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, and the neurologists thought the administration has a lot of nerve.
>
> Meanwhile, obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconcepti

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Whats the difference between George Michael and a grapefruit?

Ones a bitter fruit that’ll mess with your meds. And the other is a grapefruit.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Bitter.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Tepid and bitter.

Why was the dark chocolate crying over his glass of wine?

Because it was his bitter half.

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

He says to the bartender, "ello mate, can I get a pint of bitter?" The bartender says "sure thing, but why is there a steering wheel between your legs?" The man says "No idea mate, but its driving me nuts."

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,

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What's the one person equivalent of a bitter fuck

its a cranky wanky

Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?

Because they're bitter.

What do you call a guy whos bitter about anal?

A stick in the mud

According to my wife, fruity cocktails and blowjobs have something in common.

Both can be enjoyed to the bitter end.

I like my women how I like my coffee.

Cold and bitter.

I went to breakfast with a friend the other morning and as we got our coffee I caught him off gaurd with this one and thought I'd share. Ya know, I like my women like I like my coffee...

He thought for a minute and said "black and sweet?" As I stirred in entirely too much sugar I looked up at him and said **"Strong and Hot! And preferably in a big cup! But usually bitter in the end."**

Note: he's a very proper older black gentleman and I'm essentially a middleaged white guy and we met at church, which I think makes the whole conversation

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There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

I ate an English Muffin today

It acted like it was superior to American muffins, it tasted bitter, but everybody told me it was so charming.

I called my children Lager and Guinness

My wife's bitter

My friend died yesterday, we couldnt find his blood type in time for the transfusion.

Even to the bitter end, he said “Be positive.”

Am I guessing right that this is what Britain will eventually order for Brexit?

Every egg in the basket broken...maybe hard, maybe soft, but definitely not over-easy. Likely scrambled, with many pints of bitter to wash it down, and a massive hang-over for days to come. Call it buggered and mush.

What is bitter than a cup of espresso ?

A cup of Depresso

I hope you guys like lager!

the only bitter we’ve got around here lives in the White House

What happened to the woman who beat another woman at baseball (who happened to have rabies)?

A bitter, badder batter bit her.

Women come in the same basic taste sensations or flavors as foods-

sweet, salty, sour, hot, bitter, and nuts.

Oranges are actually either male or female...

If it squirts in your eye without warning, it’s a male and if it’s bitter for no fucking reason at all, it’s female.

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, t

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A friend of mine has become bitter and angry since he had the ends of his feet amputated.

He's lack-toes intolerant.

I like my rjokes like I like my coffee

Dark, recycled, and bitter

I like my jokes like I like my coffee

Bitter and straining every last drop from some ground up stuff of ancient origin.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Cold and bitter!

I like my women how I like my coffee

Cold, bitter, a drain on my income, and able to be smelled from across the office.

Oh and with several dicks inside them.

I like my beer like I like my women.

Cold and bitter.

I like my men like I like my coffee

Bitter

Why are the basic lessons of life bitter?

Bases are bitter. 😂

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

A farmer and his pig go into a bar

The farmer says "pint of lager for the pig, and a pint of bitter and a packet of pork scratchings for me please" . The barman laughs and says to the farmer " no pork scratchings for the pig then, I take it he's not a cannibal?" The pig says "No you cunt, I'm a muslim"

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I like my coffee like I like my women.

Hot and bitter!
As hot as Kate Upton, and bitter as Maxine Waters!

I like my soul like I like my coffee

Black and bitter

Foot Fetishists are losers

They enjoy the bitter taste of **defeat**