Biting

Jokes

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The Holocaust.

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Ladies, you can tell a lot about a man

by how dogs react to him. For example, if the K9 police dog is biting him, he may not be ideal.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and seeing a worm inside it?

Not biting into an apple at all.

You thought I was gonna say "half a worm" you fat cunt

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Not my style, but I think I came up with a rather raunchy joke! What's the worst thing about preforming anilingus (ahem, eating ass) at a Hollywood orgy?

The uncomfortable suspicion that you might be biting Sarah Silverman's shit.

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A blonde was watching a sledding race in Alaska.

Another woman approached as the race began.

"Do you know any of the racers?" she asked the blonde.

"That's my Rodney out there!" she said, pointing excitedly. "There is nothing sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she added, biting her lip.

"Iditarod," the woman corrected her.

The blonde scoffed.


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A boy in school is asked the following math question.

Teacher: If there are 5 birds on a wire and a man shoots one, how many are left?

Boy: zero

Teacher: No, there are 4.

Boy: No the shot would scare the others away so there would be zero.

Teacher: That isn’t what I was going for, but I like the way you think.

Boy: Now I have a question for you. There are three women on a bench, e


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What's worse than biting an apple and finding a worm inside it?

The Holocaust.

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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention,

so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream p


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A blonde attended a sledding race in Alaska.

She stood near another woman as the race began.

"There is nothing sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she said, biting her lip.

"Iditarod," the woman corrected her.

The blonde scoffed. "So? I've used a cucumber before, but this is way hotter."

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A blonde attended a sledding race in Alaska.

She stood near another woman as the race began. "There is nothing sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she said, biting her lip.

"Iditarod," the woman corrected her.

The blond scoffed. "Well, I've used a cucumber before, but this still turns me on more."

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Holocaust

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What's worse than biting an apple with a worm in it?

The holocaust.

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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention,

so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream p


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Anything for you Darling !!!


A Male mosquito to its wife: Darling I will hunt a Lion for you.

Female mosquito: Ok fine, now go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will bite an elephant and bring his blood for you.

Female mosquito: Sure love, go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will drive you around Paris in a Mercedes.

Female mosquito: Hmmmmmm... ok, go to sleep...


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What would Pavlov recommend if your pet dog's fur is dry and frazzled, but she won't stop biting people who try to groom her?

Condition 'er.

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During a math lesson, the teacher asks, If 5 birds are sitting on a fence and a rancher shoots one of them, how many are left on the fence?

Johnny raises his hand and replies, “None. The other birds will fly away.”

The teacher laughs and exclaims, “While I appreciate the way you think, Johnny, the answer is 4.”

Johnny then asks, “Ok then. If three women are all eating an ice cream cone. One is biting the cone, the other is licking the ice cream and the third is sucking the ice


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So .. A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention

so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream p


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There was a girl with one arm biting her nails

I told her not to eat her other arm

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Two old women are discussing the disgusting habits of their husbands.

“Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails,” the first woman explains.

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“My husband had the same habit,” the second woman explained, “but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth.”

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Someday I hope to quit biting my nails...

and blowing my hammers!

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A teacher is teaching a class...

...and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Johnny says, "None."

The teacher asks, "Why?"

Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."

The teacher says, "No, two, but I like ho


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A teacher and a student

A teacher asked Billy: If there are 5 birds on a post and you shoot 1, how many are there left Billy?

Billy: None

Teacher: The real answer is 4 but i like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question for you ma'am. If there are 3 women eating ice cream, one licking, one biting, and one sucking, which one is married?

The teacher nervously: The


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Maybe everyone would stop dying if they'd stop biting the dust.

Seriously, that can't be good for one's health.

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How many crew do you need to pilot an Airbus plane?

You need 1. Plus a dog. The Pilot sets the autopilot and makes sure the dog is fed. The dog is tasked with biting the pilot if he tries to flip any switches.

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A new record from the world elbow-biting champion:

He pissed on his own dick.

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A man was stopped at a farmer's market

When he comes across a stand advertising peaches of every flavor, he asks the owner "do you really have peaches in every flavor?" to which he responds "I sure do, what flavor are you looking for?" Doubting the owner the man asks for peanut butter and jelly, the owner selects a peach and hands it over. Biting into the peach the man says that's amazing, but it's just pe


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After 40 years my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails.

She’s hidden his teeth.

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The teacher ask Bob a question

"If 3 birds are sittign on a tree branch, then i shot one with a rifle, how many are they left?"

\*None miss, they left because they were scared\*

"No Bob thery are 2 remaining, but i like the way you think"

Bob then remain silent for a bit, and ask the teacher something

\*3 Woman are walking down the street, each one with an


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Whats worse than biting into a apple with a worm?

The holocuast.

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My wife keeps trying to be sexy by biting her lip

I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s the bottom one

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What's worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?

The Holocaust

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William Shakespeare was biting his 2b pencil until the 2b sign got off

now he doesn’t know if it is 2b or not 2b

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A couple was going out for the evening.

They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say


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You should consider moving to Arkansas, the don't have any mosquitoes...

They all died off after biting so many methheads

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You should move to Arkansas. Its absolutely lovely

“But what about all the mosquitoes?”

“They all died from ODs thanks to biting the meth heads”

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Upvote if I got you

Have you ever wondered why when you accidentally bite your tongue it hurts, but when you bite it on purpose it doesn’t?

Why are you biting your tongue now?

Upvote if I got you!

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My horrible Tinder date long

Like you, I use Tinder for random hook ups. Last week I had an experience which has left me scared for the rest of my life. Last Friday night I got a notification on my phone that I had matched with Sophia. She was tall, beautiful blonde with a very captivating smile. I messaged her asking if she was down to hook up that night as I didn't have anything to do. Now I wish I never should have se


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I quitted smoking, drinking alcohol, masturbating, biting my nails and coffeine at the same time.

That was the worst second of my fuckin’ life...

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A teacher asked her class a question.

She says, “If there are 14 crows sitting on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left?” One little boy says, “None, since the gunshot scared the rest away.” The teacher responds with “That wasn’t the answer I was looking for but I like the way you’re thinking!” The boy says to the teacher, “Now I have a question for you.”
He as


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His last words before biting the dust were

Hey, I wonder what this dust tastes like!

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His last words before biting the dust were

Hey, I wonder what this dust tastes like!

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Whats the difference between biting your nails, and Frodo with a rape charge?

Ones a force of habit, one's a forceful hobbit





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Cyclops: Hun, how do you spell Hawaii?


Wife: (biting lip).. I think you need 2 'i's.

Cyclops: (puts pen down)...You think my life is just a fucking joke to you?

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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women e


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Whats worse than biting the inside of your cheek?

The next five times you do it right after that.

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"I like the way you're thinking"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,

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"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

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"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."


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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The holocaust.

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Mr. Punn could not save them

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unable to get them out and they were running out of time. With only 18 hours remaini


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Tell me John

Teacher: Tell me John, if you have 3 ducks and someone shoot one of them, how many ducks you have now?

John: I got one, because the other two flew away

Teacher: Incorrect, you have two, but i like the way you think

John: Tell me teacher, if three girls are eating ice cream, one is biting it, other one is licking it and the last one is sucking on it, which one


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Why are biting mosquitos female

Well obviously because they're blood suckers

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