Bitch

Jokes

What do you call a Bisexual witch?

A Bitch

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What did Cersei say when the Hound called her a bitch?

That’s slander, Clegane.

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What did the man in the red car tell the man in the blue car that crossed him

Mauve bitch

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Bitch is phoney...

as kosher bologna

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My pregnant dog licked the floor after I cleaned it with ammonia...

my vet said she was a basic bitch.

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Overpopulation is a bitch...

... and no matter how you think about it, the world would be a better place with Führer people in it.

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What do you call a bitch that dont suck dick?

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What do say to a guy asking advice on Reddit about his cheating girlfriend?

Karma is a bitch.

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To the bitch that stole my ruler

I'll retract from attacking you right now, but when I'm ready, you better square the fuck up.

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A man walks into a bar, completely disheveled.

Man- keep the whiskey coming.

Bartender- rough day?

Man- rough week.

B- what's on your mind?

M- who cares? Everyone always takes my bitch wife's side anyways.

B- try me.

M- well, my sex life has been completely *fucked* ever since her miscarriage.

B- ...

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Black lady: sir, may I axe you a question?

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You know your old when youre entering your birth year online and you have to spin that bitch like youre at the Price is Right Wheel

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My wife asked, "Did you lose the kids?"

I replied, "Yes, my previous wife was a bitch."

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Why do Redditors love dogs?

Because karma is a bitch

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Why do Redditors love dogs?

Because karma is a bitch

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How does an ugly dog get laid?

He gives that bitch woofies

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I wanted to thank the bitch

So I took her to Tahoe

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What's the difference between a bitch and a hoe?

The hoe fucks everyone at the party. The bitch fuck everyone but you.

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A New Zealander walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says....

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."


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If Christopher Columbus had had a wife, he would have had to hear: - Part II

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Alphabet of drivers on the road

Asshole in an Audi

Bastard in a BWM

Cunt in a caravan

Douchebag in a Dodge

Egomaniac in an Envoy

Fuckwad in a ford

Gasbag in a Golf

Huge homo in a Hummer

Idiot in an Isuzu

Jerk in a Juke

Kooch in a Kia

Lettuce licker in a leaf

Moron in


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What do you call a man who is half dog and half lizard?

A cold blooded son of a bitch.

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Sex ed drop outs

Three little boys are walking home from school on report card day and one says "I can't believe that bitch failed us in health class, we should kidnap her and tie her up"

The second one says 'yeah and rip off all her clothes"

The third one says "yeah and then suck her dick"


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True story..

Got drunk as fuck last night, so drunk I thought I hit on my ex wife. Called her this mornin asking if I hit on her, "No, you straight up asked me to fuck." Goddamn sorry, drunk me wants to get his dick wet and apparently doesnt care what sober me had to deal with. Drunk me is an asshole, fucking woke up one morning thinking drunk me left a few shots, mutha fucka poured water in my vodka


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I honestly wish my ex all the happiness in the world...

...because I don't want to ever see that bitch again.

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Really puts the Bitch in Nabitch

Really puts the Bitch in Nabitch

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I was sitting down chatting to a girl in the pub last night.

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Uni partisan political poll v1.0

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White Man comes to Alaska to become an Eskimo...

He finds an Inupiaq village and speaks with the elder, "How do I become Eskimo?" The elder thinks for a moment, "First you just find and kill a polar bear, then you must mate with an eskimo, only then can you become a true eskimo." The white man leaves the village, he isnt seen or heard from for 6 long months. He comes trudging into the village covered in blood and gashes, &quo


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Knock knock

Who's there
Luke
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and know yourself bitch.

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A man walks into a bar.

"Son of a bitch that hurts!" he says.

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My friend let me fall into a pile of limes

I yelled 'Trust fall' at my bitch of a friend, Jessica. She moved aside and let me fall into a pile of limes.

Guess she didn't think it was a ci-trust fall after all.

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A.shark saw a hot girl at the bar and approached her.

He asked her if she wanted to go back to his room and she said yes. They started making passionate love and he ate her (literally). Later, the shark was hanging out with his friend and said "I'm feeling really down." His friend said "Must have been that bar bitch you ate!"


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My four-year-old said to me...

"I agree with all your political views. Feel validated. Bitch."

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Went on a date with a super religious girl

She said she believes in the teachings of Calvin. Seriously wtf? This bitch believes in a talking tiger.

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Girlfriend

I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night.

The ungrateful bitch spat it out.

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A trick joke to bitch slap somebody long joke

For a friend you want to bitch slap or anybody for this matter. Front hand or backhand, it's your preference. You tell them if they want to hear a joke or if they have yet to hear it, the joke about a pimp and his THREE hoes. So it goes like this:

So their was a pimp walking down a block that he had THREE hoes working on. The THREE hoes were spread apart on the block. Each one of


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What did the sassy vegetable say?

Bitch, peas!

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How should you write words like "fuck", "shit", "bitch", or "damn?"

In cursive.

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Spill The Tea Sis

What does the tea lover say to someone hating tea?

**Chai me bitch**.

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Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the **PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU FUCKEN BITCH, I HOPE YOU SLIDE UNDER A GAS TRUCK AND TASTE YOUR OWN BLOOD!!**

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The brand new frosted cereal for people with tourettes!

Theeeeiiirrrrrr grandma's a bitch!

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I was a judge in a singing competition.

There were two contestants, Cardi B and a dog named Julie.

As it was expected, the bitch just couldn't sing at all. Felt like my ears were bleeding listening to total crap that the bitch had to offer.

However, Julie sang pretty good.

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Therapist: and what do we say when we feel like this

me: i’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me
therapist: no

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My wife said my feet smell weird

Bitch

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You never know what jokes are going to work, so you never know when your post becomes popular, and you never know if you deserve the popularity...

...karma is a bitch like that.

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Inmate: "what ya in for?"

Raggedy bitch: "licking ice cream"

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My dog just ate my lunch

He's such a son of a bitch

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People turn into their pets

That’s why your mom’s such a bitch.

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You: Son of a bitch

Me: You're doing it right now

You: I'm not doing that

Me: You have to read this joke backwards to get it

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