Bent

Jokes

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.



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When Beethoven died, he was buried in a churchyard

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magi


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There once was a girl from Kent...

...whose nose was slightly bent. One day we suppose...she followed her nose...

...cuz nobody knows where she went.

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The first time my wife saw my crooked cock, she got so angry

She got all bent out of shape about it

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If you think riding a bull was hard...

Next time you have your girl bent over in bed, lean over and whisper in her ear, “Your sister is a better lover than you.” Grab on tight and see how long you can hold on.

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Gordon Ramsay was waking down the street...

When he saw the cutest dog in his life. He bent down and yelled, it’s fucking r/Aww

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Granpa walks into a church

He comes up to the priest and speaks:

-Father, I have sinned...
-What happend? Tell me.
-Few days ago my lady bent over to pick up something from the fridge and I don't know what got to me but I went on her and you know..
-Well she is your lady?
-Yes.
-And you are in a marriage?
-Yes
-Well it's not a sin, it's a normal thing.


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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.


When


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A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring.



The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've bee


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A cheap suit



The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”

“But the right


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HELP! The smelly man who just got laid on an oil rig is chasing me with a piece of bent pipe!

It’s an olfactory refractory fracking fractional flak attack!

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What's yellow and a bit bent?

A banana.

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A normal day at the Apple store

Me: *Walks into an Apple store.*

Apple employee: Hi, what would you like today?

Me: I got $1000 to buy anything I want.

AE: Then our iPhone XS will be perfect! You can have the power of a computer right in your pocket. You can call, text, browse, play games, and so much more!

Me: Uhh what's that black bar on the top of the screen.


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Bunny

What do you call a bunny with a bent dick

FUCKS FUNNY

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Tina and ted

Tina and Ted got into their bed, Said Ted to Tina "It's time for some head." "Head in the bed?" is what Tina said, "Before we're both dead," is what Ted next said.

So Tina did suck and Tina did lick, And into her palm then Tina did spit, She polished his crank like a hitch made of chrome, And when her arm tired, she gave him more dome.


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Why did Kevin get fired from the banana factory?

He threw away all the bent ones?

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3 guys are captured by blood thirsty savages, they are taken in front of their chief who tells the 1st guy,u have a choice between death and bunga bunga!

He says “I’ll take bunga bunga”! So they bend him over a log and the whole tribe has their way with him!, then the chief asked the 2nd guy ,”death or bunga bunga”?!, he also chooses bunga bunga, so he gets the same bent over the log treatment! Then the chief asks the 3rd guy “death or bunga bunga”?! And he says “I choose death”! And the chief s


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Three women were returning to their village one night.

They spotted a man staggering ahead of them who was obviously very drunk. As they watched, he stumbled and fell face-down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.

However, his face was so covered with mud she couldn't tell, so she bent over and unzipped his pants. She remarked, "Well, he's not my husband.&q


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What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?

Fucks funny!

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When asked how they would renovate this historical Cathedral after the fire, French officials simply shrugged their shoulders, bent over, and wept.

The event is now internationally known as “the Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

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Saw the black hole this morning. Magnificent

I bent over in front of the mirror.

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What do you call a bent cop?

PC Richard Fiddler

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Why are non-gay people called straight? OC

Because Gay people can't think straight and their minds are bent.

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As Jesus was traversing a vast expanse of sand and heat he came across a homosexual, dying from thirst.

As the son of god Jesus pitied the man, saved his life, and offered to lead him out if this forsaken land. Gladly the man agreed to follow him out of the desert.

Soon Jesus came across a tortoise that had fallen on it's back. As he bent down to help this poor creature the gay man, who had not been with another man in a long time, could not resist the temptation and tried to moun


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What do you call a bent pickaxe?

A minor problem.

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I was drinking my best friend under the table.

When someone bent down and said, "Is that a fucking dog in your glass?"

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Three men, Joe, Bro, and Buddy, all lived in a small town.

One day, Joe went hunting alone, and for the next few days no one heard from him. About a week afterwards, a body was found and brought into the coroner’s office.

The coroner, after thoroughly examining the body, needed a positive identification in order to verify that the body was indeed Joe. So, he brought in Bro and Buddy, and told them to come in separately to identify the


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Me: Tuesday was terrible, Wednesday took a shit on me and Friday bent me over.

Friend: What about Thursday?

Me: Friday was the name of the horse.

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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magi


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I saw an overweight lady doing yoga today.

She was all bent out of shape.

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What dya call a rabbit with a bent dick?

Fucks Funny

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I've been on a bent for making up cannibal jokes recently. Here's the new one: What do the Cannibal Gods eat between meals?

Human snackrifice.

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If you fall into a full dumpster, get vomitted on, and then have to figure out at what angle a ray of light is bent after passing into a new medium...

You really have to snell.

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It's a dog's life

Three pitbulls are sitting in the waiting room of the local vet's, when one pitbull says to another "What you in for?" The pitbull replies "I bit the postman so I'm here to be put to sleep" the pitbull turns to the other pitbull and asks him "What you in for?" The other pitbull replies "I got loose in a park and savaged another dog, I'm here to be


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A man heard a strange noise coming from his back pocket. It sounds like it is asking him for a beer, confused he complies.



*He pops the beer and starts going to shoving it in*

He bent over and looked he saw a moth and the moth said,

"No buddy, I asked for a butt light"

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Yo momma is so fat...

That when she was at the water park and bent over to pick up her sun glasses people started lining up for the ‘Black Hole’

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My wife hurt herself while doing kegels and watching the new Black Mirror

She bent her snatch.

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Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

Because she threw out all the bent ones.

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You know how to catch a Polar Bear?

First you cut a big hole in the ice. Then you put peas around the circle. And when he’s bent over eating, you kick it in it’s icehole!

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A couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed. They came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young ma


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The Swede, The Irishman amp The Scotsman

The Swede's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any,"she replied.

The Swede immediately re


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Newlyweds are laying in bed the morning after their wedding.

The new husband rolls over and says, "Now that we're married, I have a confession to make: I'm a golf junkie. I love it. I can't get enough. You'll never see me from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening."

His wife looks at him, sighs, and says, "Okay. Well, as long as we're being honest, I have a confession, too: I'm a hooker."


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The man from Kent.

There once was a man from Kent, whose dick was badly bent. To save him the trouble, he put it in double, and instead of coming he went.

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Men aren't pieces of meat either ladies.

This one lady bent over to sign her credit card receipt stood up giggling.

I mean I'm only a piece of meat when I'm off the clock.

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When Beethoven passed away,

He was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistr


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A young catholic couple were living together and decided they were going to get married.

They go to the church for Pre-Cana. The father asks “are you two currently living together?” To which they reply “Yes”. The Father tells them he will not marry them unless they move out until the wedding.

So they do.

Three weeks go by and only they return for another Pre-Cana class. Upon learning the young couple has moved out the Father inquires


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Gordan Ramsey was walking down the road and saw a dog.

He bent down to pet it, and screamed "it's fucking r/aww!"

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Fandoms are like paperclips.

It doesn't a whole lot of effort to get them bent out of shape over nothing.

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What do you call a group of people hell-bent on destroying the Earth?

Terrarists

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During the summer I bought two six packs of beer that was on sale

During the summer I bought two six packs of beer that was on sale. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde, was filling up her car at the next pump.

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.

She glanced at the beer,


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