I've done a hundred pull ups today.....

This new belt is crap!

Leprechaun joke

Guy's been at the bar for a while. Someone bought shots. He's ordered food. Then he tried a girl drink. No one is saying anything smart. Jagermeister has been discussed.

Now it's his fifth trip to the bathroom. He feels like he's been swallowing surgical sponges.

He's standing at the urinal appreciating his headache and the rolling sea his CNS bel

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I'm an expert in not finishing anything

I have a black belt in partial arts.

My "slim fit" pants only fit fatass american fucks. Where are the "opioid epidemic" fit jeans?

Belt doesn't do shit. What about us skinny people?!

(Less /r/jokes more /r/sad)

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

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* a half-gallon of 2% milk
* a carton of eggs
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the d

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Why is Orion's Belt the best part of the constellation?

Because anything else would be more than a waist of space.

Why does the Bible Belt region have so many caves?

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt

Never fight short people

They hit below the belt

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt

What do you call a belt made of cash?

A waist of money

I was having trouble getting the seat belt to work.

The it clicked.

What did Elon Musk's dominatrix nickname his chastity belt?

Elon gate

I made a belt out of watches once...

...it was a waist of time.

I just spent half a day creating a belt made entirely out of watches

A total waist of time

Ovinophobic drunk dad comes home late at night, belt in hand.

I pretended to be asheep.

I attached all my watches to make a belt.

It was a waist of time.

I attached all my watches together to make a belt....

It was a waist of time.

I attached all my watches together to make a belt.....

It was a waist of time.

I attached all my watches together to make a belt

It was a waist of time.

What did theta say to eight?

Your belt is way too tight.

What did the Theta sign say to the number 8?

Why's your belt so tight?

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt

What did the number 0 say to the number 8?

Where did you get that awesome belt?

Founding fathers had mad drip

Not one of the founding fathers had a Gucci belt, yet they had unequal amounts of drip. you spend paper with their face on it to: throw money at women, buy Gucci, and various other purchases. That drip is unmatched to any other possible flex.

What do you call a belt made out of watches

A time belt.

Two ladies were trying on pants in the fitting room.

One woman comes out wearing a designer pair.

"You're so skinny! You have no waist at all!" the other laments.

"Yeah, but sometimes it's a curse. Belts don't fit me anymore," she replied, pulling a rope from her purse.

"You have to wear a *rope* for a belt?!" the other woman scoffed.

"Well, you k

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What do you call a belt with a watch?

Waist of time.

Orions Belt is a big waist of space.

Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.

*Courtesy of my wife.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

A man walks into a hunting store

One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifle. The man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.

"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting with my brother in law."

To which the man respond

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A police officer pulls over a speeding car...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, *‘I clocked you at 120 km/h sir.’*

The driver says, *‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’*

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, *‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t

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Simon was woken by a disturbance

He looked out of his window in to the dark street and saw a group of people arguing, pushing and shoving eachother.

Normally Simon would ignore such things and not get involved, however they were near his pride and joy of a car.

Concerned for his car's safety, Simon threw on a t-shirt, grabbed his trousers, did his belt up, stuffed his feet in his trainers and exit

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.
"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at all, but I've got just the thing."
The al

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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Orions belt is a big waist of space

Terrible joke, only three stars.

I was at Walmart and encountered this grotesquely huge woman...

Ok so I was at Walmart and in the line up this grotesquely huge woman is standing behind me, she asked me if she could go past me to the washrooms I said “ honeypot ain’t gonna fit” she said “ watch me” so I moved to the front of the line and moved to the side she started to walk and she got stuck in between the conveyor belt desks needless to say security had to get

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I spent the whole yesterday making a belt out of watches,

It was a complete waist of time.

What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt.

An knight goes to war and leaves his wife home

He puts on his wife her chastity belt, locks it and gives the key to his trusted stewart, telling him not to unlock the chastity belt while he is in battle.

The knight then mounts his horse prepares to leave as the Stewart comes running towards him.

"You gave me the wring key, Sir!"

Two cannibals are chatting

Greg: "I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but he didn't taste very good".

Jerry: "That's too bad. What did he look like"?

Greg: "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals".

Jerry: "And how did you cook him?"

Greg: "I just tossed him in a giant pot of boiling water".

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What is a belt made of watches called?

A waist of time.

From my grandson this morning. His first Dad joke

Pop-pop? What did zero say to the number 8? I don't know River, what did he say? "Nice Belt" pop-pop

My dad is a magician

Everytime he brings out his belt i disappear

My shoes and belt are made of the skin of my enemies

My enemies happen to be cows

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

What did 0 say to the 8?

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Nice belt!

I've almost killed myself by hanging many times. NSFW

Auto-erotic asphyxiation is a very dangerous fetish. But you know what they say, you jizz by the belt, you die by the belt.

A man working at the Federal Reserve

A man working at the Federal Reserve was hired to manufacture pennies. On his first day, the supervisor walked him around the manufacturing area.

“This first machine melts down large blocks of metal. The liquid metal is then poured into a mold that makes a smaller block. That smaller block is then taken off the conveyer belt by this control arm and placed on another conveyer b

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