Beef

Jokes

I really like the new beef jerky with a white mystery flavored piece.

I can't quite place the flavor, though.

On an unrelated note, isn't it funny how eating a whole bag makes you tired and numb?

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What do you call a lonely cow?

Beef Jerky

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You know how drinks always mention "Please drink responsibly" ?

... Well I want to start a beef jerky brand that mentions "Please jerk responsibly"

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I've started investing in stocks.

Mainly beef, chicken and vegetable.

You may laugh, but one day I'll be a bouillonaire!

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I tried changing my password to beef...

...but it wasn't stroganoff.

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A Chinese woman suggests to her husband that they should 69

The husband replies..."But isnt it a bit late for beef and broccoli?"

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Why is chicken better for you than beef?

When you cook chicken it turns white.

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What do you call an undead cow?

Zom-beef

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A Little Something I Thought Of

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

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Ive started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, vegetable.

Someday I hope to be a bouillonaire!

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What do you call a cow with tourettes?

Beef Jerky

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A guy was walking down a path in the park when he saw a piece of meat on the floor.

He asked the janitor who was cleaning up close to him what it was.
He said:
" I don't know. Ground Beef?"

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Do you know why some vegans love to start fights with other people?

They need to get some beef in their lives somehow.

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My IT admin says I can't use "beef stew" as a password...

He says it isn't Stroganoff.

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I was out last night looking up at the stars.

All of a sudden these steaks landed on my head. Next I was peppered with meatballs. Just as I thought it was over I was was covered in beef mince.
I thought that must have been a meatier shower.

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What does a cows car horn sounds like?

Beef beef

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Dogs Dinner

Every night in my household, we feed the dogs some sort of canned chicken (usual), pork, or beef for dinner as a treat.

Tonight, we ran out of canned chicken, so we have to give them beef patties. I asked my mom to cut it up because I trust a women handling my meat more than myself.

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Starbucks has started serving a new burger

Starbucks has started serving a new burger that is half beef and half plant-based.

They call it half calf.

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"I could get some Cheez-Its..."

"Or I could get Starbursts...or beef jerky...

"Or I could get Cheez-Its *and* beef jerky...*or* beef jerky and Starbursts...OR, I could even get Cheez-Its, Starbursts, AND beef jerky..."

-"Dude! What the hell is taking so long?!"

"Just trying to decide what I want from this Venn-ing machine...."


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Whale oil beef hooked.

Now say it with an Irish accent.

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What do you call a masterbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

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What did the ham sandwich say to the roast beef?

"Look, you've got bigger problems if you're listening to your food tell jokes."

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Why are bhudist monks so nice to people?

Because they can't have beef.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.....

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What does a depressed female cow think about herself?

“I’m such a missteak” “ I hope everything will beef alright soon”

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A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

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What does Thor put on his beef sandwiches?

Norseradish sauce!

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You shouldn't eat beef of a cow fed with marijuana.

The steaks will be high.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

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What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

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What do you call it when you diss someone you have problems with

Roast Beef

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What do you call a cattle breeder?

A beef jerker.

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A man ordered a whole beef

He paid the butcher and had the massive shipment sent to his house. The day arrived and he started packing the meat into his freezer. It was only as he finished he realized the horrible truth: his package had been de-livered.

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What do you call a cow that is being punished?

Ground beef

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Why are hindus so nice

they never have beef

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How do you cook a beef kidney?

Boil the piss out of it.

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Why is Jack Links marraige failing?

He keeps bringing up old beef.

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What do you call a herd of cows masterbating?

Beef stroking off

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What do you call a masterbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

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McDonalds recently canceled their plans for the sandwich made entirely from beef lips.

It was gonna be called the McJagger.

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Why cant you use Beef Stew as a password?

Because it’s not stroganoff

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What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup

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Wendys and mcdonalds

are having beef

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Why can't you use beef stew as a password

Because its not stroganoff

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Did you hear about the all bovine rap group, who are obsessed with CREAM and also rap about beef related topics?

The Moo-Tang Clan

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How do you make a soup using 1s and 0s?

Beef Boolean.

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If two vegans are mad at each other

Do they still have Beef?

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Where does China get its beef from?

From Macau

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