Beat

Jokes

What did the brothel say when it shut down?

Beat it, we're closed

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When the Son of Odin beat on the Hulk with Mjonir...

It didn't actually hurt me too bad, the Hulk thought. Especially when the God of Thunder hit him in the back, it was rather like a Swedish massage. So the Hulk let Odinsson whale away. Why did he do this?


Because he was Thor.

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Three musketeers where getting into an argument about who was the best with a sword.

As a fly flew into the room, the first musketeer said, “You see that fly? Watch this!” He the drew his saber and with a whoosh, he cut the fly in half. Impressed with what he had just done, he looked at the other two musketeers and said, “now beat that, haha.”

Well, the second musketeer said to his colleagues, “look, there is another fly...watch this!&r


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There's a bus driver and he's driven through town picking up kids

He picks up a kid and the bus driver watched the kid get sit down and the kid started tapping his feet and wiggling his hands just kind of doing jazz hands. And the bus driver asks the kid what he was doing he says "what are you doing with your hands and feet" The boy says "got the rhythm got the beat got the rhythm in my feet" The bus driver says "oh okay" so he goe


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Last night, Daredevil beat me up and took my money.

I was robbed blind.

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A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.

Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.

Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.

Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.

Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was even coming!

Cop: Please, sir, I'm going to need you to step


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Whats a beat boxers 2 favourite things?

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They say cancers hard to beat

But it only took me a month to get to stage 4.?

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What did the guy at the hot dog stand say?

You can't beat our meat!

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How many NYPD Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black.

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Whats the difference between my dad and a boomerang?

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A man and his pet greyhound walk into a bar

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A Chinese journalist is interviewing a riot officer about the protests occurring in his city.

Journalist: Do you find it difficult to follow orders that may harm the people protesting?

Riot Officer: I do, some of these people are my friends and neighbors. When given such a choice, the only thing I can really do is listen to my heart.

Journalist: And what does your heart say?

Riot Officer: Beat, beat, beat.


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What's Chris Brown's favorite part of any song?

The beat

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Whats the difference between me and cancer?

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If my gf pisses me off

I would beat the fuck out of her in bed. It's called angry sex.

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Saw another post on here about their recently passed away grandpa so heres mine

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Why do Hong Kong Police wake up so early?

So they can beat the crowds

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Did you hear about the guy who won the world handjob championship?

It was close, but he managed to beat off some stiff competition

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Local Boy Stuns Courtroom in Custody Case

In Cleveland, Ohio a fifteen-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possib


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How do u stop a Michigan football player from jacking off?

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Have you developed a horrible disease from the soy leg hemoglobin found in the Impossible Burger?

Call our law firm today, we beat the meat

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I told my wife I beat up lil Richard

She replied "the kid next door or your dick?"

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Whats the difference between me and cancer?

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I got into a fight it was 1 vs 10

It took some effort but eventually we beat the guy up

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What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

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How many police officers dose it take to change a light bulb?

*None*, they just beat the room for being black

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How police officers dose it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

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In Oakland a 15 year old kid challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested


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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

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My parents found my incest porn collection

They both took it differently

One fucked me instantly

The other beat the shit out of me

I never knew my mother could hit that hard

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The son had broken into the safe and was caught by the dad, and waiting for the punishment.

dad: Son, what do you call a belt made out of watches?

son: I dunno.

dad: A waist of time.

son: Another dad joke, thanks.

dad: Who said I was joking?

\**pulls out three inch thick yard stic


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I don't want to say video games cause violence...

...but after a month of playing Pong, I beat Rafael Nadal in a best of five match and might be Venus Williams' new baby daddy.

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A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someones shoe

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I was out eating at the mall, saw this kid with the wildest spiked colorful hair

the hair was all shades of orange, red, yellow, green and blue.

This old man sitting on the table between us kept staring at him, the teenager finally had it with him and turned around and asked sarcastically; Whats the MATTER old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man, without missing a beat said: well... I got real drunk once, had sex with a Parrot. I


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Why do arabic people don't like to play chess?

The woman can move too much and you can only beat her once. (It's a joke, please don't take it personal)

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Whats the difference between me and cancer? My dad didnt beat cancer.

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Whats the difference between me and cancer? My dad didnt beat cancer.

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I remember once..

..when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought the lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, there was a brand new car outside my house. We all cried especially me, because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to c


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How much did Cain beat his brother?

As much as he was abel

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How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they just beat the room for being black.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black.

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Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?

He wanted to beat the crowd..

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So this guy says "Andrew Yang WILL NOT beat trump in 2020"

That's it. That's the joke.

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Saw a old lady getting beat up by 3 men on the side of the street today so I decided to step in and help,

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This happened in my Debate class today as we were discussing politicians...

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How many police does it take to change a light bulb ?

None the just break the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

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What is the difference between cancer and my Mom?

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

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A computer beat me at chess once

But it was not match for me at kickboxing

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