Why did the dyslexic architect put a frog on a pedestal?

He had read that he needed a toad bearing pillar.

I always seek approval from a qualified architect before removing my condom.

After all, it is load bearing.

What do you call a wall thats got cum on it?

Load-bearing.

What did the bear say to the other bear?

Thanks for bearing with me.

Be forewarned

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are mult

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Are you looking for support?

Because I'm a load bearing stud

Have you heard of the 6th Hole?

Have you heard of the legendary 6th hole? According to legend, roughly 10% of the world's population is believed to possess the rare evolutionary mutation known as the "Sixth Hole," a supernatural gift which allows those bearing it the ability to have sex with ghosts.

The international scientific community is baffled, but 1/10 Doctors recommend it

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What do you call a man with three legs?

You call him a man. His physical disability should have no bearing on how you see him. You monster.

A teenage boy going through puberty and a fruit-bearing Phoenix tree.

Both date palms.

I awoke and alerted my co-pilot he was on another bearing...

..."Yaw going the wrong way!"

Amazon recently removed all products online bearing white supremacist symbols.

That’s disgusting. #AllSymbolsMatter

Amazon has removed products bearing white supremacist symbols from its online store.

Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos’ $100bn net worth continues to rise—reminding the world that he’s white and he’s better than you.

I just busted a huge nut on my wall.

Fortunately it was load bearing.

What did the long-suffering hitman say to his over-bearing wife?

I missed you.

Sherlock Holmes and his partner are walking in the woods...

...they happen upon a tree bearing yellow fruit. Watson asks, "What the hell is that?", Sherlock responds, "A lemon tree my dear Watson."

Did anyone see that thread where the guy was showing off his load-bearing timber?

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Considering Leonardo DiCaprio might win an Oscar tomorrow...

1. Leonardo DiCaprio? More like Leonardo NoOscaro.

2. Best actor category? More like the not Leo club.

3. I typed in 'Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar' into google and it said 'Did you mean if hell freezes over?'

4. I heard Leo thought he had won an Oscar for Inception, but then he realized he was just dreaming.

5. The only way

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The story of the angel on the Christmas tree...

It had been a long, hard day in Santa's workshop. The slay had broken down, and the elves were on strike. So, when an innocent angel flew down to him, bearing a tree for decoration, and asked "where should I put this one sir?" Santa had a response ready and waiting.

Did you know that childlessness, or not bearing a kid, increases the risk of women developing breast cancer by as high as 30.

Keeping that in mind, don't you think that rapists are actually doing women a favour?

REST IN PEACE

The businesswoman ordered a fancy floral arrangement for the grand opening of her new outlet, and she was furious when it arrived adorned with a ribbon that read, MAY YOU REST IN PEACE.
Apologizing profusely, the florist finally got her to calm down with the reminder that in some funeral home stood an arrangement bearing the words, GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

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Why do you never want to piss off a bearing?

It will loose its temper.

How many confederate flag bearing husbands does it take to beat up their wives?

None, she fell down the stairs.

Apparently syriza ran a successful online meme no campaign

beware of greeks bearing GIFs, i say.

The father's suspicions that his daughter was promiscuous were confirmed when she got a tattoo...

of a load bearing sign on her back.

The father's suspicions that his daughter was promiscuous we're confirmed when she got a tattoo...

of a load bearing sign on her back.

A man walks into a bar with a bag over his shoulder...

Bar tender asks, what do you have in the sack? The man pulls out a giant turtle and raises it above his head to show everyone. He slowly pulls out his penis, brings the turtle's mouth to his junk, and the turtle bites down onto his cock. The man releases hold of the turtle and it hangs by its chompers from the man's limp dick. The man then pokes the turtle in the eye to get it to release

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What's the first part of a stripper to blow?

The knee. It's a load-bearing joint.

What do you call an aquatic, shell-bearing piece of pork?

A clam...

What's the fasted change in bearing from 420 to 180?

A turn in the right direction HAHA haha ha...

But seriously you have a marijuanna problem and you need to get straight.

How do Russians drive to Alaska?

By bearing straight

What does your mother's face and a Pillar and have in common?

They're both load-bearing

Alternate meanings

From The Washington Post

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

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Poetry Competition

The two finalists at the annual poetry competition were an Ivy League college graduate and a redneck. The final stage of the competition was to write a rhyming poem using the word *Timbuktu.* The college graduate stands up to the microphone and starts.

>A desert caravan astray beneath a dusk deep blue

>On a path unknown the camels walk two by two

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