Basis

Jokes

I dressed up as a woman for a day just to see what they go through on a daily basis...

apparently women get called faggot A LOT.

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What's the difference between a C-SPAN cameraman and a pornography cameraman?

The porno cameraman sees fewer ass holes on a daily basis.

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Despite their past, the Belgians and the Congolese are now good friends.

They’re on a shaking-hands basis.

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On a daily basis, what usually goes through an American student's mind?

Bullets.

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Despite their many shortcomings...

The victims of Reduced Ejaculatory Load Disorder still strive to do their best on a day-to-day basis.

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Whats the difference between a black person and a pizza?

I don’t eat pizza on a regular basis

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Im so bad at confrontation

I lose arguments with myself on a daily basis.

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I'm a change of basis:

A^-1 MA

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I am one of the few Redditors that bathes on a semi-regular basis.

Which is another way of saying I'm not a mod.

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What is the difference between your job and your wife

Your job fucks you a a regular basis

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I knew a girl who sold her body when times were tough.

She did it on a need-to-ho basis.

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How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?

On a queso by queso basis.

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Remember: Sex on a regular basis

Helps keep your memory alive and strong.

I wish you all a great 2016.

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Remember, having sex on a regular basis helps your memory significantly.

I wish you all a Happy 2015.

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Some religious people believe that serious illnesses such as cancer do not require medical treatment,

and can be cured by the power of prayer alone.

Sceptics may chuckle, but there is a scientific basis for this kind of thinking.

It's called natural selection.

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Please note that when coming to the orgy you must bring your own towels...

as the current supply is on a first cum first serve basis

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U2 will be performing a number of free concerts in the coming months....

They will be doing them on a *pro bono* basis.

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An explanation for a funny joke is like a disclaimer for a blank page.

The joke in title is when you have to explain the basis of your humor it is no longer humorous, the same way when you disclaim a blank page it is no longer blank.

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Need help I've got the basis for a good joke I think

It came to me in a dream, anyway here is the outline

​

Junkie goes to see doctor

​

Junkie: Doctor I need \[drug(s)\]

​

Doctor: I can't just give you drugs

​

Junkie: If you don't I'll attack/shoot/stab you

&am


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Im working on a top secret project using honey to create alcohol

It’s on a mead to know basis.

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My dad is like the reposts on this sub.

I see him on a regular basis and he stopped being funny a long time ago.

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My local Erectile Dysfunction Clinic has a money-back guarantee.

They get paid on a pro-boner basis.

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I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis

I guess you could say I dabble

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Things prison guards hate

1) Inmates who don't flush after eating chili for lunch.
2) Inmates who look like the sperm used to conceive them was 100% steroids.
3) Coming up with one too many during a head count.
4) Having to break up a fight in the shower.
5) Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.
6) Recognizing the newest inmate as your proctologist.


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I like to tackle down random restaurant cooks on a daily basis.

Everyday I'm chef-falling.

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I asked my local baker for her amazing bread recipe.

She said it's on a knead to dough basis.

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Insulting someone's mother is the basis of Your Mum jokes

'Tis all you can do but look on at what you have missed

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Bakers only share their recipes on a knead to know basis.

Now that we’ve got the puns out of the way, how about some actually decent comments?

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Why are bakers secretive with recipes?

Knead to know basis.

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When the doctor told me having a Colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.

But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.

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My dad never thought I'd make it as a musician. Now I perform to thousands on a daily basis.

He prefers to call it "busking", but whatever.

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We should clone Terry Crews and arm his horde of clones to wage war on our enemies

He could form the basis for a new milli-Terry

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Do you exercise on a regular basis?

-Yes, I run to catch my train every morning

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Most people like to make relevant points, but I for one

Is the basis of Roman numerals

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Did anyone hear about the new secret bakery?

It's on a knead to Dough basis

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I have a top secret bread recipe

I'd tell you but, it's on a knead to dough basis

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The baker wouldn't finish telling me how he makes bread.

He said that information was on a knead-to-know basis.

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Bakers trade bread recipes...

on a knead-to-know basis.

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As a Muslim redditor, I feel disappointed...

That my posts never blows up.

Edit 1: Everyone says that my jokes are the bomb, but still this shit didn't explode.

Edit 2: KA-BOOOM!

Edit 3: For those wondering, I am a Muslim for real and I find this shit funny af so chill out guys, no need to hate on religions, we're at /r/jokes after all.

Edit 4: lmao this is Nagasaki all over agai


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What do you call a man who repeatedly stabs his raisin bran on a daily basis?

A cereal killer

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Iran has reached out to America on a political basis

[deleted]

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I know Madonna,

on a first name basis.

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How much toilet paper do people use on a daily basis?

A shit ton.

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President Bush is sitting in a Cabinet meeting...

One of his intelligence officers enters and tells him, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."

The President exclaims, "Oh my God!" and buries his head in his hands.

The entire Cabinet is shocked. The President receives reports like this on a daily basis, and doesn't flinch.

Just then, Bush looks up and says, "How m


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Im on a first name basis with Madonna, and Cher

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How does the basis of all TIFU's start....

by doing what you see on reddit.

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God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week.


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What do I have in common with middle Eastern women?

We both get stoned to death on a regular basis in public.. And nobody around seems to mind.. And some people ask for hits..

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So my genetics professor reported this morning that diarrhea has a genetic basis

According to her, it runs in our jeans.

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I used to drive over animals on a daily basis

I guess they were pretty Tire-d of that crap

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