Bank

Jokes

How do you confess to your British crush that works in a bank?

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Movie idea

There should be a hostage movie where instead of holding up a bank or skyscraper, the bad guy is a coworker who keeps asking questions at the end of a meeting.

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I walked into a blood bank and asked the nurse for a glass of Hepatitis B.

"Sorry," she said, "is HepC okay?"

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Two birds decide to pull a bank heist

Well... One was a chicken.

The other was Robin.

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Two Chinese guys

Two Chinese guys break into a distillery. One of them says-
"is this whiskey?"
To which the other says-
"yes it is but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

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The old lady and the bank

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A dog walks into a bank. "I'd like to make a de-paw-sit."


-"Haha thats funny!"
-"You think my finances are a fucking joke, Jessica?"

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So I got fired from the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance.

I just pushed her over.

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Three poops want to rob a bank

Diharrea wants to join but it's a job for toughs

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A man walks into a sperm bank

A man walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.

The guy says "Take one of those spe


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What did the robber say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

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I capitalist America,

Bank Rob you

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I lost my job at the bank.

An elderly woman asked me to check her balance. Turns out it wasn't that good.

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A crusty old man walks into a bank...

A crusty old man walks into a bank & says to the teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The woman leaves the window & goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.
The manager agrees that woman


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Three old women

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A Minister, a Priest and a Rabbi go camping.

They get into an argument over who's faith is the true one. Spotting a bear across the stream from their campsite the Minister says, "I'll prove Protestantism is the true faith. Follow me, I'll baptize that bear." They run down to the water's edge and the Minister tries to attract the bear's attention. The bear plunges into the water and the Minister ann


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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

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If money doesn't grow on trees...

Why are they called bank branches?

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Why did the baker go to the bank?

Because he kneaded dough

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Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

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What is a cannibal bank owners favorite food?

The Nutella

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Two Chinese fellows break into a distillery. One says to the other, is this Whiskey

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The Trophy Girlfriend.

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Do you think that bank chic ever had any takers

For the free cow they were trying to get rid of?

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I've been telling everyone I was a billionaire when apparently I wasn't

Well I didn't know that just having multiple zeroes in your bank accounts don't count.

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Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance...

So I pushed her over.

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The vault door exploded after the bank robber rigged it with explosives.

He exclaims. "Thanks for the gold. I can't this actually blew up."

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A man and a woman meet in an elevator..

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The ne


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Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

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Today at the bank an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So i pushed her over.

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Your mom would be psychic she worked at a bank

She'd be a four chin teller

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What did the bank robber say when the vault exploded?

wow didn't expect this to blow up, thanks for the gold!

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An old lady asked me to check her balance at the bank

I shoved her over

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What do you call a fat, psychic bank employee?

A four-chin teller

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Two London dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other is this Whiskey?

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What did the robber say after blowing open the bank safe?

Wow this blew up, thanks for the gold!

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Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other is this Whiskey?

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A guy walks into a bank office and says...

"I WANT TO OPEN A FUCKIN BANK ACCOUNT!"

The accounts manager is taken aback and says, "Excuse me, sir! We do not allow that kind of language in here!"

He says, "WHAT'S THE GODDAMN ISSUE, BITCH?! I JUST WANT TO OPEN A FUCKIN BANK ACCOUNT!"

"Sir!" She says and stands up from her desk. "If you do not refrain from


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What do you call a midget fortune teller that just robbed a bank?

A small medium at large.

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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over. Did i do anything wrong?

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An old lady at the bank asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

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According to my bank account I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.

Assuming I die on Thursday.

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Here's one joke:

**Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her**

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Was recently in line at the bank when an elderly lady asked me if I could help her check her balance..

So I pushed her over

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Yo mama so ugly

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

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Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

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Why did the bank robber rob at 12pm

Hands up

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Boy: What's a palindrome?


Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

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What do you call a fat stripper?

A piggy bank.

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I went to the doctor and he told me i only had 3 more years to live,

so i went and robbed a bank and now the judge gave me 20 more

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