At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, What happened before The Big Bang?

"So this hooker said she'd allow me to bang her ass if I paid 100$, but I only had 50."

"What did you do? Got a Blowjob instead?"

"Nope, I said I'd only give her half the D, for 50. She accepted. I then sent the whole thing through."

"That's unfair. You lied to her."

​

​

​

"I never said which half."

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What do you call five guys with 1 girl who won't shut up?

A chitty chatty gang bang

What goes: Clop Clop Clop Bang Bang Bang Clop Clop Clop?

An Amish drive by shooting.

How do you bang a nun in Alabama?

Tell her you're God, which makes you her Father, then it's business as usual.

Why did the hunter go with the cheaper rifle?

It's more buck for your bang

I'm going to convert to a Muslim.

When I die I want to go out with a bang.

A 20 year old man comes to his sensei to help him...

M: Sensei, my girlfriend is pregnant, but I used a condom...
S: My son, I will tell you a story:
There once lived a hunter. One day, he planned a trip in a jungle, but forgot his gun.
Suddenly a tiger shown up. He could defend only with an umbrella, so he aimed at the tiger with it,
and suddenly a bang came up, which killed the tiger.
M: Thats bullshit, some

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You know, a baby and the universe are pretty similar

I mean, both started with a bang

What do prostitutes and porn stars have in common?

They both get their bang for their buck

What do nerds and creationists have in common?

They hate the Big Bang Theory.

The universe wasn't created with a big bang...

...it was created with a thin, even coat of liquid white paint.

​

(reference to PBS' *The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross*).

What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang

An Amish driveby

You can't get to a time before the big bang because there was no time before the big bang.

Least it didn't have to worry about being late

Why is Big Bang so called ?

Because , it gave birth to our universe

TIL:Today I learned that prostitutes in the old west charged as little as $1.00 for their services

You really got a bang for your buck!

BNAG

It’s bang out of order.

What did the gun say to the head?

Bang

Joke?

Girls are like vending machines, if you bang them hard enough they might drop something out for you.

What do you call a gay gang bang

A gayng bang

A horse, chicken and a pig are out walking on a farm...

When suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole. The pig and chicken freak and they don’t know how they will get their friend out.

So the pig and chicken run up to the farmers house and they bang on the door, no answer... again they bang on the door, no answer.

In a fury the chicken busts down the door and grabs the keys to the Mercedes parked out front. Then the two

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NAGB!

That's bang out order!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because of the big bang.

Why have date night when you can hang and bang?

Not really a joke but still.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing so his friend calls 911

''My friend is dead! What should I do?"

The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead."

There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, Ok, now what?

Yall have heard of Netflix and chill, now get ready for

“Prime and Bang”

What goes bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud, bang, thud?

A Time Lord committing suicide.

I asked my bro if it was cool to bang my clone.

He shrugged. "You do you, fam."

What do you call an unsatisfying orgy?

Pretty Shitty Gang Bang

A man, aged 90, who is married to a 30 year old woman got her pregnant.

The man rushed to his doctor who said that he could no longer have a kid to give the news.

-Doctor: that is not possible
-Man: It did happen!
-Doctor: There was once a hunter, whose weapon was not loaded, he aimed at a duck and said "Bang" and the duck dropped dead.
-Man: That is not possible, someone else must have hit it!
-Doctor: That is what I am

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What makes the sound clippity clop bang clippity clop bang?

An Amish drive-by shooting

Yo mamas so old...

She remembers watching the Big Bang live.

Why is the capital of Thailand called Bangkok?

Because you go there to bang cocks.

Little billy goes to a whorehouse

Madame: little Billy, get out of here! You're too young and you can't afford my girls.

Little Billy pulls a huge wad of cash out of his pocket.

Billy: I've been saving my allowance all year, and I've got my pubes. I want to bang a whore.

Madame: well, okay. You can have any girl in the house except Sandy.

Billy: Why can't

---

A young private is enlisted in the Great War.

Unfortunately, he was sent in right before the biggest battle of the year, and he has not had any proper training.

He begs to the sergeant and pleads, "What do I do!?". The sergeant, rushing to fight, picks up a stick and says, "This is your magic stick! Shout the word 'bang' when you want to kill someone!"

The private, confused, tries it

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I met a girl at a party last night. I said you remind me of my little toe. She said small and petite?

“No, I’ll probably bang you on the table later when I’m pissed”.

I saw a sign with BNAG written on it and i thought...

That's bang out of order..

I was riding my red car down the street when I heard a loud bang...

When I got out my rim was cracked and my car was painted yellow. Damn city is riddled with plotholes

BANG BANG

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong," asks the mother.

---

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, What happened before The Big Bang?

He said, “Sorry. No time.”

I wanted to bang my teacher but there was a problem..

I was home schooled.

I wanted to bang my teacher but there was a problem..

I was home schooled.

Bangitty-bang-bang

Two people, on one side of the trench, were bored during WWI. One guy, named John, had an idea to cheer them up.

>Hey, let's do a prank on the opposition," John said.
Now, the other guy, named Steven, replied with: "That's a great idea! What should we do?"
"I know, how about we make gun noises?"
"That would be awes

---

Try to pick a hooker who smiles at you

Best bang for your buck.

Whats name of the first ever porn film?

The Big Bang

Bnag

bang out of order

When you bang a pair of identical twins at the same time.

What is a "Doppler Ganger?"

I caught my brother haggling with a prostitute.

I guess he wanted more bang for his buck.

Why to do a research before buying fireworks?

To get the best bang for your buck.

I caught my brother haggling with a prostitute.

I guess he wanted more bang for his buck.