Ballet

Jokes

What's a difference between ballet, food tasting and cross dressing monkeys

Ballet dancers wet their tights
Food tasters whet their appetites
Cross dressing monkeys wear their apetits

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A bus driver

A bus driver recently is getting bad sleep so he decides to try some ASMR. He tries a series of tapping noises and mouth noises but none of it work. Then on his suggestion list is "ASMR FOR SLEEPLESS BUSDRIVERS" he clicks in.

Sound of coins falling to the ballet

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My Polish grandmother used to perform for a ballet company...

It was always awkward listening to her Pole Dancing stories.

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A ballet dancer is in a doctor's office

BD: My leg hurts

Doc: *looks at chart* looks like you're going to need an amputation

BD: *GASPS DRAMATICALLY*

doc: no not really, just like to keep you on your toes

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What do you call a fat ballet dancer who has the high ground?

Obeseswan.

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There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, that is the only place that teach ballet.
So the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.
About an hour went by, the pigeon returned with 30 of his mates, they all had ropes hanging out of their beaks, on the end of the ropes was a r


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Dad, I signed for ballet lessons!

- Son, this is a very painful sport.
- Why?!
- I'll break your little legs, thats why.

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Whats a masochists favourite ballet?

The Nutcracker

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I just graduated Ballet university!!

I got a 2:2

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Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through?

The Nutcracker.

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What's a transgender's favourite ballet?

The Nutcracker

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What did the hooker wear to her ballet performance?

A prosti-tutu

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The difference between a nutcracker and a nutbuster. The nutcracker is a ballet performance like Swan Lake.

Whereas a nutbuster is the lesbian scene from Black Swan.

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When I was 10, I told my dad I wanted to learn ballet. He said no, because "ballet is for sissies".

When I was 12, I told my dad I wanted to learn cooking. He said no, because "cooking is for sissies".

When I was 14, I told my dad I wanted to learn knitting. He said no, because "knitting is for sissies".

When I was 18, I told my dad I wanted to go to fashon college. He said no, because "fashion is for sissies".

Now I'm 22,


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I used to buy second hand ballet products from my friend Mitch.

I still do, but I used tutu.

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Who told the gorilla that it couldn't go into the ballet performance?

Just the people who are in charge of that decision.

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What's the difference between a pastry doing a tap dance and a lot of pastries doing ballet?

Abundance.

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Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?

Could they not hire taller dancers?

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What does ballet and What's Eating Gilbert Grape have in common?

Leotard.

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Two friends were walking by the ballet museum...

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?"

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

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After seeing his first ballet at age 6, his parents asked him how he liked it.

It was good, but you know all those girls who were on their tippy-toes? Why don't they just get *taller girls?*

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Why wasn't the gorilla allowed into the ballet?

[deleted]

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I used to help an anti-apartheid activist get dressed for ballet lessons.

[deleted]

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If a women who practices ballet is a ballerina, what is a man who practices ballet called?

A Balleweiner.

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Why can't cows do ballet?

Because they lactose.

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Why can't elephants do ballet?

[deleted]

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I tried ballet,

but I never got the pointe.

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What was Rudolf Hess' favorite band?

Spandau Ballet

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Eminem is running out of fresh ideas for his next album...

so he gets his agent to gather the most diverse and bizarre group of entertainers to pitch him ideas.

A few days later, they hold a meeting with every entertainer you can think of: jugglers, African tribal dancers, synchronized swimmers, etc. All of them want to pitch the best idea to him so that their art can receive more attention.

First, a clown steps up and proposes,


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Why couldn't the ugly ballerina pogo stick to ballet class?

She didn't have one.

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My friend just graduated from her ballet course in university.

She got a (2:2)

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I saw a ballet themed porn the other day.

It was 'Fucking en Pointe'.

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A man forgets his daughters birthday

He realizes that it's her birthday while driving home from work. Frantically he pulls over at the first toy store he sees and runs inside. He runs up to the clerk and says
"I need a present for my daughter, she likes dolls, do you have any?"
"Sure," the clerk says "we have plenty of barbies. We have Ballet Barbie for 19.95, Veteranarian Barbie for 19.95, L


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Universities have the strangest degrees now, have you heard about the degree in Ballet?

It's so hard that they all get tutus.

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A ballet dancer was allegedly guilty of a bad pun and in court she had the option of choosing A) guilty B) not guilty or C) contempt. Which did she pick?

Plié


Edit: plea A).... Plié is the most common ballet move. Means to bend.

I can just imagine people getting angered at this joke.

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

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I have no idea who invented ballet dancing

but I'm willing to bet good money it was a guy trying to sneak back into bed after coming home pissed from a bar

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Who didn't allow the gorilla into the ballet?

The people in charge of that decision.

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