Bachelor

Jokes

Bachelor:

A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

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Two men were talking at a Bachelor party

The first man says to the other "Did you know that, statistically, one in twenty men are gay? I wonder which one it is?"
The other man said, "I hope it's Jeff, he's cute"

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What's the difference between a bachelor and a water closet?

The bachelor is singel, you see, and the water closet is double, you see.

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It doesnt really matter which girls wins 'The Bachelor'

He's still gay

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I dont know why dad jokes get a bad rap, women love dad jokes.

Otherwise they'd call them bachelor jokes.

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Do you know the difference between a bachelor and a toilet?

A bachelor is single, you see, and a toilet is WC.

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A bachelor and a married guy get into an argument about the number of women they've slept with.

Bachelor: I've slept with hundreds of women.

Married guy: Bah, prostitutes, most of them.

Bachelor: So what are you saying now? Prostitutes aren't women or wives aren't prostitutes?

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Why can't you trust a bachelor of science?

Because all they have is B.S.

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Women must find dad jokes attractive,

our they'd be known as bachelor jokes.

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What do Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and Spider-Man all have in common?

They’re more realistic than The Bachelor.

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A young man was standing in line in the supermarket..

... When he notices a hot brunette waving at him and smiling. He was surprised to see such a gorgeous woman notice him and he felt he knew her from somewhere, no idea where, so he asked her:

"Excuse me, do we know each other from somewhere?

She replied:"I may be mistaken, but i think you are the of father of one of my kids.".

The man starts thi


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A man goes to the local supermarket one day

to pick up some bread and milk when he notices an attractive woman waving at him.

The man is taken aback because the woman is so beautiful and he can’t figure out where he’s seen her before.

Curious, he walks up to the lady and asks her how she knows him.

“Oh,” she replies. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.&rdqu


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I was at my buddy's bachelor party, when him and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid. "Drink it!" they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realized the prank the bastards were trying to pull...


Budweiser

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My friends surprised me with a massage for my bachelor party today.

I was really touched

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When I got my bachelor of sciences degree, I bought a labrador

Every scientist needs a lab after all.

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Define Marriage?

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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THE BACHELOR, UTAH EDITION

it’s one episode and he just marries all of them
@mrandrewm

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What do you call a bachelor from New Zealand? Two Thirds

Because of the recurring SIX

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My confirmed bachelor uncle always describes himself as Asexual

but I would also add B. Gay

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After 4 years of college, the virgin finally gets an invitation to a party

A bachelor party.

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What was the highlight of the bulimic bachelor party?

When the cake came out of the girl.

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Between Google and Facebook who is a bachelor

Google is the bachelor as it keeps searching while Facebook is married to your data!

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Prince Harrys bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.

He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.

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My friend said he didn't want anyone to hire strippers for his Bachelor Party

So I'm getting ones who will do it just for the exposure.

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Joke

What do you call a Muslim man with three wives?
Answer: An eligible bachelor

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Is Google a bachelor or married?

Bachelor as it still keeps searching!

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Cats on the roof

A bachelor, who for companionship owned a beloved cat for over 10 years, plans a vacation to Iceland and entrusts the cat with his brother.
As soon as he arrives in Reykjavik he calls his brother and asks how his cat is doing without him. "Oh, the cat? He's dead." said the brother bluntly.
"I can't believe this!" yells the bachelor. "How could you tel


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Why couldn't She read His Valentine's Day Card?

Because he was an illegible bachelor.

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We were checking into a hotel for my friends bachelor party..

We were checking into a hotel for my friends bachelor party, my credit card was on file for incidentals and the group was pretty rowdy. After getting the keys I asked the receptionist if the porn in the room was disabled.

She said, "no you sick fuck, it's just regular porn."

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A Guy Goes to The Supermarket

He notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My


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What life tough me.

So there were 4 friends, Ahmed, Abdullah, Khalid and Ali. They studied in high school together and graduated except for Ali who failed, so the other 3 continued studying for Bachelor degree and after 4 years the 3 graduated as engineers.
Now all 3 are working as engineers under Ali in his uncle's company.... :/


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What did the man say at his bachelor party when his 1 groomsman won at Hide and Seek?

A best man is hard to find.

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A man is about to get married, and his friends want to take him to a strip club for his bachelor party.

A man is about to get married, and his friends want to take him to a strip club for his bachelor party.

The man is worried, since his fiance is a virgin and he has abstained from sex since they started dating. His buddies assure him it will be just a few lap dances and nothing more. As one of the strippers is grinding on him, he gets a boner, and suddenly the stripper gyrates too har


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Stripper from the bachelor party

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "


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The Bachelor Party

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "


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Why would you want to get married and get a masters degree at the same time?

The bachelor life is so much better.

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Why did the famous racehorse stay a bachelor?

[deleted]

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A guy goes to the supermarket...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and


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Last week I was at a bachelor party and our friend Steve gave the guy a box of penis enlargement pills.

[deleted]

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What do you call a bachelor dinosaur?

Pre-marital Rex!

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The fancy man and the bum

There was a drunk homeless man who set up camp on the corner of a busy intersection. Not far from his spot was a rich young bachelor in a white suit who would stand outside a storefront with a big white feather and say to beautiful women walking by, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" The women would always turn around in disgust and ask, "What did you just say to me?" The bachel


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I think you are the father of one of my kids

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.


She says, 'Hello.'
cid:EA05802B185748B4AB10409990B5A562@SVAIO
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, '


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Need some Kiwi jokes!

Trying to find some jokes about new zealanders for my best friends wedding. We currently live in Athens, GA and a lot of his kiwi family and friends are coming over for the bachelor party and wedding shenanigans. My question here is are there any kiwis on /r/jokes that could help me out with some jokes/one liners to put on a t-shirt/tank that we'll be wearing for the bachelor party. They can


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I wish there was a Mormon version of The Bachelor.

That way none of the women would have to be eliminated.

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Going on a Bachelor party cruise

I was getting ready to go on a cruise for my best friends bachelor party and told Voice command Cell girl to "Remind me about power strip for bachelor party". Later that night my wife asked if we had purchased an extra cruise ticket or if the cruise line was going to throw in the power stripper.


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A mid 20's bachelor walks into a grocery store...

To pick up the necessities (a case of beer, toilet paper, and some frozen dinners). He goes to the checkout and the young lady cashier looks at him and says, ''Wow, you must be single''.
The man smiles and says ''You can tell I'm single just from the stuff that I'm buying?"
"No," remarked the lady, "you're fucking ugly.


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Superman probably doesn't get laid very often...

I mean, he named his bachelor pad the Fortress of Solitude. That's just bad advertising. If you went up to a woman and said, "Would you like to come back to the Flat of Infinite Sorrow?" you might wanna get ready to drink alone.

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Shameless Bachelor Joke Theft

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware store?
He wanted to find a tight seal!

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Punchline help needed

Q: What do you call a bachelor party without strippers?

A:

(sorry if this is the wrong forum)

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I'm the most wanted bachelor in the state

Some of my exes even put a price on me head

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