Babe

Jokes

Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres

Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

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She: Babe, a tiny penis isn't such a big deal

He: i dont know Jenny, i kinda wished you didnt have one at all.

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What did Cher say to the orphan pig she rescued?

Babe, I got you babe.

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A man goes to a cabin in the woods to get away for a while...

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"Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts."

"Okay, let's try another shoe size."

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Hey babe, can I be your first derivative?

Because I want to lie tangent to your curves...

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I was feeling like joining a cult...

Don't know if I should become a boss babe or Catholic.

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I'm breaking up with you

Why?

"Because all you ever talk about is video games"

But babe please, this is such a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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A man gets home after a long day at work

He sits down on the couch and calls out to his wife "Hey babe, will you get me a beer before it starts?" She gladly goes to the fridge and gets him a beer, pops the top and brings it to him then goes into the kitchen to start dinner. About half an hour later she hears "Hey babe, will you get me a beer before it starts?" Having just got dinner in the over and now a little irrita


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Damn, babe! Are you a Reddit user?

Cause you given me the same shit every 3.5 hours!

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A couple goes to a doctor to determine the gender of their baby.

Doctor: It's a boy.
He: Babe, you know. You got a penis inside of you which is not mine.
She: Eww.

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"I asked my wife how many men she slept with...

She said "only you Babe, all the others kept me up all night" "
(credit : Al Snow)

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A man is preparing to get in bed with his girlfriend.

He asks her, "Babe, I'm the only one, right?"

She answers, "Yep. All the others were at least sevens or eights."

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Queen : Come to bed

King : Not until i have a name for my army


Queen : K night


King : Babe your a genius

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Queen : Come to bed

King : Not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen : K night
King : Babe your a genius

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Girl: I am breaking up with u

Me: Wait, why?
Girl: Because all u fucking talk about are video games
Me: Babe Please.
Me: This is such a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Girl: Bye.

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Sandy: Spongebob. Why does your sponge juice taste so sweet?

Spongebob: Cause I live in a fuckin' pineapple babe.

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A Beer Before It Starts

Husband sitting on the couch watching TV, yells to the wife in the kitchen “hey babe, will you bring me a beer before it starts?”
Wife: sure

10-15 minutes go by....

Husband: hey babe, will you bring me another beer before it starts?
Wife: I suppose

This continues several more times....

Husband: hey babe, will you bring me


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Girl: why am I still single?

Brain: you're weird as shit.
Body: and you're fat.
Face: plus you're pretty ugly.
Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.

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A naive and beautiful young girl is walking along the street in the countryside.

A naive, beautiful, conservatively dressed young girl is walking along the street in the countryside.

A man, wearing sunglasses and driving a sport car stops by:

"do you need a lift?"

She's intimidated by the sport car and the confident demeanour of this man, but she accepts, and they start getting to know each other.

"it'


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Gf: Hey babe how do I look?

Me: With your eyes, babe.

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Two women got into a car accident

The first woman with a Ford Focus called her husband : I had an accident can you go pick up the kids from school?

Husband: no I can't now I'm at work and I'm very busy, what happend to the car though

Wife: just a small bump

Husband: okay will check it after work

The other woman with a new Mercedes called her boyfriend : I had an ac


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One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."

"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!”

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A couple walked into a Bar one day

The couple has been dating for a while and both has decided to take it to the next level.

The Girl revealed that she was a "Christian" before, and didn't tell her boyfriend about it as she thinks it would mean trouble. The Boy said, "Babe, religion won't get in our way. It won't hinder us from making a family together. We'll have lots and lots of ba


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Hey babe, are you a school in the USA?

Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids inside you.

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Hey babe, are you school in the USA?

Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids inside you.

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A man offered a girl to have sex for $100

The man said, "I will offer you $100. I will just drop it here and once you got it, we will stop having sex."

The girl said, "Let me ask my boyfriend first"

The girl called her boyfriend and told him about the situation, the boyfriend said, "Okay, babe. That is easy money. Just take it fast and leave, okay?"

After that, they ende


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On a Friday, eve of their 5th year relationship birthday.

Her: Babe, what did you plan for us this evening?

Him: Well honey, do you like Paris?

Her: Yes!!!??

Him: Do you like Barcelona?

Her: Yes!!!!

Him: Nice, because there is PSG-Barca tonight on TV.

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I love the movie Babe...

No lie, I stopped eating bacon for like 3 HOURS after watching it.

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Man gets on a bus and sits next to a mother with child...

The mother is trying to get her fussy son to breastfeed, she finally gets frustrated and tells the baby, "You better take to the milk, or I'll give it to this man sitting here..."

She tries a few more minutes, the baby is still just very fussy, she tells the baby again, "You need to start soon, or I'll give your milk to this man sitting here..."


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A boyfriend paid a visit to his cancer-stricken girlfriend in the hospital.

"How are you babe?" He asked

"Good, can you do something for me?"

"Anything"

"Give me the bucket I feel like throwing up" she said.

So he gave her the bucket which was right beside the hospital bed and his girlfriend threw up in it.

"Do you love me?" She asked after she's done.


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Her: Babe a tiny penis isnt such a big deal.

Me: I don’t know hunny, I kinda wish you didn’t have one.

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AITA for not taking my SO's words seriously?

Just this morning she said, "Babe I wish you would take what I said seriously!"

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Babe come over.

Person: Ok, I’m already having a threesome with this couple.

Girlfriend: But I’m home alone.

Person: I know.

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Girlfriend to boyfriend

GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.

BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.

GF - April fools day!

BF - Mine was on 24th March

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April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

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I got a phone call from my wife midway through sex.

She said, 'Do you think technology is ruining our relationship?'

I said, 'Come on, babe. I'm trying to fuck you.'

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My wife was kidnapped and Her kidnappers want My DNA in exchange for Her.

Don't worry Babe, I'm cumming for You!

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Girlfriend said These ducks look confused. We are confused. Therefore, we are ducks.

To which I replied, “babe, you are excellent at deduction.”

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There's nothing wrong with having a tiny penis babe...

I know, Susan, but I'd prefer it if you didn't have one at all

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A man returned home from a hard day at the office, and he noticed his wife crying.

After hanging up his coat, putting down his briefcase, and finally sitting down, decided to ignore his wife's unusual behaviour. A couple of moments pass, and the man became quite hungry, so asked his wife 'Babe, can you make me a sandwich?'

The wife replies with 'What the fuck?! I'm crying here and you want me to make you a sandwich?!! Aren't you going t


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"Babe, a tiny penis isn't such a big deal.."

"I don't know Jenny.. I kinda wished you didn't have one at all.."

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I used my friends phone to call my girlfriend

when she picked up she said "hey babe," it was so cute how she recognized me without even talking

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So this hot babe goes to a fancy dress party stark naked and rings the bell.

The host opens the door and sees her standing there brazenly, tapping her forefinger on her chin.
Host: “ What are you?”
Hot babe: “A self-tapping screw!”

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Husband takes hot wife to the zoo.

They walk around and see the Tiger, then they move on to next cage and see the bears and after they see all the animals they go and see the gorilla, they get really close the cage and the gorilla gets a bit exited about the hot wife, so husband notices that and tells the wife,
"Hey babe lift up your dress" so wife does it and gorilla gets more exited so husband tells wife "he


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A Husband And His Wife Were Relaxing in the Living Room...

"Hey honey, wanna Smash?" the husband asked

"Sure. Be back in a bit." said the wife, cheekily smiling. She then leaves to go to her room.

While in her room, she hears her husband plays music and had a brilliant idea and got her playlist ready. A couple of minutes later she comes out wearing a black, lacy lingerie to show to her husband.

&q


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Spider-Guy

Guy has a dream he's a spider. He makes a web in the ceiling corner and then sees his family on the ground. So he makes a web down to a shelf. Then pushes out another to the counter. He is still pretty far from the floor, so he pushes out a huge long web and, begins to descend. After a few seconds of getting closer to the ground, he's awoken by his wife. He opens his eyes and says,"


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NSFW Babe, a tiny penis isnt such a big deal..

I don’t know Jenny..I kinda wish you didn’t have one at all...

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"Babe is it in?"

"Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

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Wife : babe, a tiny penis isn't such a big deal..

Husband : I don't know babe.. I kinda wish you didn't have one at all..

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